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Please note that this is an satirical article 🙂 Enjoy!

College is a huge investment of both money and time. It can be difficult to decide whether that huge investment is even worth it. Here are 10 reasons why you shouldn’t even bother going to college.

1. It’s Only the Best Four Years of Your Life

Everyone says that college is going to be the best time of your life. You make new, lasting friendships, go on vacations together, party, discover your passions, blah blah. The feeling of being young, free, and independent seems a tad overrated. I think the best four years of my life were pre-school and kindergarten. Doesn’t anyone else miss nap time?

2. You Already Know What You’re Passionate About, Right?

Going to school just to find out what you want to do with your life is a waste of time. As a young, impressionable, 18-year-old, you already know what you want to do with the rest of your life, don’t you? You going to college and exploring different classes and subjects for four years isn’t going to change that. Sure, the general education requirements allow you to have fun and take interesting courses outside your major, and the ability to change your major makes college really flexible, but it’s highly unnecessary.

3. Connections? You Can Meet People Anywhere.

Growing up, you make most of your friends at school and once you start a job, most of your friends will probably be from work. So who needs the networking and heaps of friends and relationships you’ll make in college? Yeah, you might meet people who share your passions and interests in college and you’ll definitely encounter others in your field who can help you succeed, but if you’re a real go-getter, you should probably be fine on your own.

4. Identifying with a School

Ugh, isn’t it annoying when people get so riled up and intense about their school? Keep your spirit and energy to yourself and just chill out, am I right? The playful banter and competition between rival schools are so juvenile! And that so called “pride” for one’s school that becomes part of a person’s identity and character could easily be replaced by literally nothing else. Wait…

5. Supporting a School Team

Nothing like the thrill of watching your team take down the rival school’s team right? Getting tickets and heading out for the game with your friends? The exhilaration of being in the stands with hundreds of other students, all jumping for the same team, all wearing the same colors? The winning streaks and after game parties? WRONG. You can get those same kicks watching football on your couch. Trust me.

6. Independence

What a scam! Just rely on your parents for the rest of your life, it’s so much easier! Who wouldn’t want to live in their parent’s house forever? Being independent is so hyped up. Sure, you get to feel all grown up. You gain that special sense of achievement when you do your first load of laundry by yourself. And you earn your own money and buy whatever you want and basically do whatever you want. BUT, you have to call to make your own doctor’s appointments! No, thank you!

7. Figuring Out Who You Are

College is supposed to help you “find yourself”. You experience new adventures and begin to create the kind of life you want to live for yourself. You take a bunch of different classes to find out what you’re really passionate about. Sounds like a lot of work to figure out how to express yourself. I’m sure you could figure all of that out on your own, to be honest.  Just lay on a couch and think about what you like to do, I’m sure it’ll come to you.

8. Starting Fresh

You go to college anonymous. You can be whoever you want to be and finally make a name for yourself, by yourself. You’re no longer so and so’s kid, or whoever’s little sibling. You are you. You can start anew and forget about all those awful, regrettable moments that everyone has (usually around middle school) and winces at when they remember. You can also achieve the same effect by dying your hair, changing your name, and moving to Kentucky.

9. Knowledge for Knowledge’s Sake

People go to college to learn new things, to broaden their knowledge, and become informed young citizens of the world. Well forget that. Who wants to finish 18 years and 12 grades of school just to go back and do more school? The pressure of tests and grades can finally be over! I’ll take my chances in the job market without a degree and my brilliant work ethic.

10. Success

College isn’t just a place, it’s an experience. One which the likes of cannot be found anywhere else. People say you don’t need college to be successful, and they’re partly right. Lots of people make it out there without a degree. But they are few, and they’re missing out big time on the greatest opportunity there is. College is a feeling.


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