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College is a place where kids are supposed to have new experiences, broaden their horizons and meet new people. The following list satirically details 10 of the different types of people you will meet at University of Houston.

1. The Late Night Texter

We have all been victim to those midnight booty calls, but only a select few have been graced by the 12 AM “have you done the homework yet” text or the “can you do my popper for me” text. And here you are, thinking they were texting to talk to you…

2. The No-Show

Speaking of class, do you remember that one kid that showed up on the first day of class but was never seen again? No you don’t, because you never see them. But you know they exist because they make an appearance in the class GroupMe every now and then and take up all the good timings for CASA exams.

3. The Life Ruiner

Scene: you finally understand what the professor is saying and feel accomplished for what feels like the first time since you decided to take this godforsaken class when “Bang”. That kid- you know who I’m talking about- slams the door as they arrive to class 15 minutes late…AGAIN. Iced chai tea latte in one hand, skate board in the other. Your train of thought vanishes as they take their seat.

4. The Caffeine Junkie

You know that person who you never see without a cup of coffee in hand? Kind of wild, squirrelly eyes? Always looking to score another hit- I mean sip.

5. The Nerd

…and we all know the caffeine addict’s close comrade- the library nomad. You always see this person in the library, no matter what time you go. Rumor has it some of them don’t leave their study rooms for days on end during finals week.

6. The Gym Rat

You’ve seen them, I’ve seen them- those people who walk around with gallons of water (literally), calf muscles for days and shirts cut to conveniently show off their biceps. Conversations with these people generally include talks of going to the gym or end with “I have to go to the rec”.

7. The Alpha

Can we also just take a minute to appreciate the mystery that is the alpha student? When I say alpha student I mean that kid who is in like 10 organizations, is an officer in 12 organizations, studies abroad, gets all A’s, gets along with all of their professors, volunteers on the side, works and still manages to maintain a social life. From the rest of us, I just have one question: how???

8. The Slob

That leads us to the alpha student’s polar opposite: the slob. They are often seen without a backpack or pencil in hand. When they do deign to come to class they are late, in pajamas or hung over…or sometimes all three.

9. The On- Fleek

In contrast to the aforementioned, let’s discuss the student who is always on fleek. For the sake of this article we can refer to them as: the on fleek. This person is always seen with a cute outfit along with perfect makeup, eyebrows and hair leaving us mere mortals wondering again: how??

10. The Social Media “Mogul”

And we all know the social media obsessed. All pictures are carefully curated to fit the art gallery that is their instagram. Social events are often planned in order to get the perfect picture because you gotta #doitforthegram


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Anam Haque


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