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Components of Love

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Daniel Glenday

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The components of love: Robert Sternberg: says the components are passion (erotic attraction), intimacy (confiding in others and shared feelings), and commitment (intention to remain in the relationship) Reasons for divorce: 1. Individualism: the “me generation: -we spend less time living together today than in the past -larger proportions of people live alone -not just elderly people but more younger people as well -less inclined to get married b/c it may interfere w/ personal priorities -these ideas are becoming more prominent 2. “Bloom is off the rose” -rose only last a short period and then the bloom is gone Components of love: 1. Compassion (takes a beating when it comes to marriage) 2. Commitment 3. Intimacy -romantic love can wane after a period of time -when in love, the other person is absolutely wonderful, perfect love sick, smitten, don’t see their faults -but after some time, you wake up and see that person’s faults -you were immune to them before -may be that the initial period of enchantment is just nature’s way of making sure you procreate -when the children are produced, the passion is no longer there -in a culture whose marriage is b/c of love, that same culture will get divorced b/c passion is short-lived -get psychological intimacycompensates for the decrease in sexual passion -after initial rush, you have to reorient marriage around another aspect like commitment or intimacy -another reason for increase in divorce: -increased participation in the labour force -therefore there is less dependence on men and therefore it is easier for women to walk away -women become independent -women are more likely to initiate divorce proceedings then in the past Marriage and modern stress: -housework, childcare, senior care -more partners are more likely to work outside of the home -the energy that was directed inwards towards the family is now directed outwards toward careers -divorce is more likely when the children are young -duel career couples are more likely to share housework but they are also more likely to get divorced -another reason: social acceptability -the negative stigma attached to divorce is now largely gone -now 50% of couples end up in divorce court -social pressure to stay in an unhappy marriage has disappeared Legal reform: -divorce is easier that it once was -legally and socially easier -if you are separated for a year then divorce is automatic Who gets divorced? -young spouses have the greatest risk especially if they had a brief courtship -suggests that they should go out w/ someone for a while before getting married so that if they decide if decline of passion occurs they can learn to live w/ it -young spouses get married too quickly -also a major problem is finances -if ask people who have been married for a long time what was their most common topic of disagreement=money -if young, have less money which can lead to divorce -lower class people are more likely to get divorced b/c they have less wealth (BUT also more likely to get married at a young age) -shotgun marriagesmarriages due to pregnancy -marriage in which young man gets woman pregnant and father tells the young man to marry his daughter while pointing a shotgun at him -more likely to end in divorce -alcohol and substance abuse -drunkenness, stoned out -people tend to be violent, not work at a stable job -thus, divorce is more common -people who are not religious are more likely to get divorced -more pressure put on religious people to stay in an unhappy marriage due to duty -but they are also more committed -when both partners have successful careers this is a duel career family -thus they are too busy to work on the marriage Remarriage:
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