Only someone who continues to possess a nonsubservient autonomy can be an apt partner in a joint identity that enlarges and enhances your individual one. (233) . Idea that you don"t get a loving relationship if you"re subservient. Personal autonomy (sep): self-governing agents are autonomous agents : ties in responsibility, accountability. We seek out someone suitable to become a we" with we look for certain characteristics not a singular person. Union has priority over people in the union. The desire for union has us looking at people in a different way. We" must be desired and chosen by both members can"t passively accept the relationship; need to make it for themselves. Fair comparison: not just legitimate as a person, take each other as autonomous individuals and it"s respected, appreciation of the autonomy, agreement not to interfere, expectation that you"re not going to be subservient to the other.