Monday, February 14, 2011
What is love?
What is it like? Can we define it Is it one or many?
What should it be like (what is authentic love? What is love supposed to do?)
What are we like when we love? (What’s moral about love?)
What does our sexuality do? How does it relate to love?
What is sex?
I wanted to keep track of how many there had been…. That slimy awful little heavy
metal barbiturate addict whose name I can’t remember was number three. (3)
• Sex as an act – Did it or didn’t do it
• Doesn’t matter who it was with, if she liked him, etc.
…It was my own exclusive structure, a game I played in the privacy of my own head. (3)
• Doesn’t care if someone knows her number – but the categories (labels) matter.
Contradictory (repressed, normal, total slut, free-spirited bohemian)
• Doesn’t ask what she thinks of herself, but what it makes her
• Assumes it’s an objective number – that’s how she starts off. Arbitrary categories;
actual measurements of where you are on a sexual scale
• Objectivity worries her; no longer has an external category
I’d start having doubts about whether I’d been keeping score accurately or not… But
there was always a nagging suspicion that maybe I’d missed someone, some dreadful
tacky little scumball that I was trying to forget about having invited inside my body. (4)
• Important to be objectively right
• Guilt of admission – could forget about someone, but would make her tally
dishonest, her assessment of herself, etc. – the exercise would lose purpose, only
lying to herself
• Emphasis on choice – doesn’t suggest the sex she had is not her own choice.
Ownership. Wants to take ownership and be responsible for her own choices –
keeping score is a goal
Why doesn’t Gene count? Does he not count because he never got inside? Or does he not
count because I had to preserve my moral edge over David…? (4)
• Questioning definition – not so objective anymore. If it’s not objective, simple
category, where does it come from? External category given to her by the world? You have to know what qualifies as sex because when you have sex with someone your
relationship changes… knowing you’ve had sex, being conscious of a sexual
connection… what’s what changes things. Or so I believed. (5)
• Have to stop counting at some point
• Not every sexual encounter is special
Changes her mind about what makes people special. GC counting people because she