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PSYC 215
Donald Taylor

PSYCH 215 Lecture Nov 2 Interpersonal Relationships  Making friends (no piece of cake) o Questionnaire about making a friend o Reality of making a friend o Findings  Widespread culture telling us to be assertive, don’t be a wimp, take control. Most important social activity, we cannot do so. We make opportunities; we do not assert or assault people.  EX. By chance prof get asked at professional conference for psychologists, there are sessions where people talk about their science, there is always a chairperson. Someone in that area of interest, but no role whatsoever, have nothing to say, just ensure if 4 speakers in 2 hour session… control time o Prof asked to chair session not in his area, asks what’s the topic? Loneliness. Keeps track of time. o First speaker, maybe from BC, large financially supported program to help people deal with shyness and loneliness, with group sessions weekly to help people deal with it o Teach them to be assertive ECT. o Prof not happy- lonely people gather once a week, and being told to be assertive, for homework each person was to go home and phone 3 people who they “sort of knew” that they may have met a few times, and ask to go out for a movie and dinner? o Prof lost it, stops being a chair we cannot do this, we don’t know the person well enough- we ease into it o Prof says you cannot go on wasting your money on this your training these people in exactly the wrong way, you need to train how to create opportunities and be patient NOT to attack  Ethnolinguistic groups (similarity) o If anglo from McGill and had to meet a Franco, where do you go? How about the university of montreal o Wrong answer they did not go to university of montreal, went to Concordia looking for a franco o Suggests again this whole thing of us not being assertive, we try out best to extend existing networks into new friendships- capitalize relations we already have o It starts to get silly hoping there is a franco at Concordia, and moreover, university of montreal kids go to the university of Quebec to find an anglo o When we think of broad issues such as expanding our cultural networks, I have to become more cosmopolitan, we expand existing network which is mostly like us and look for someone who is more culturally different o Suggests A) would a Franco at Concordia be a prototypic Franco? Probably not. Chosen to go to English university. B) if making a friend from another cultural group who is already in my extended group, they may not be typical of their own culture o When we end up having make contact through exchange program or our own initiative, not having contact with prototypic of that group, but nontypical of the other group = illusion of contact o We noted from the beginning that when it comes to attraction, similarity works for relationships if anglo makes friend with an anglo, lots of similarities (culture, age, education, hobbies), if anglo makes friend of franco, similarities even HIGHER- compensation hypothesis, I’m going to demand he is even more similar on other levels to make up for the fact that friend is different linguistically o Each of us pick those different on one dimension, but look for those who are ultra similar in every other way- that may not be prototypic o Thus, not true cross cultural relationship, on surface may appear very different, but not because not prototypic of each culture  Making friends is very complex, hidden things we should be aware of, in pop culture we are not being taught the message o Dating online what’s that all about? Pitched to be a dating service for people so busy that they can’t meet people and form relationships. So we’re going to short step a bunch of this, how? So write something about self. You get a lot of assertive stuff in there; pushy, trying to sell self, how do you stand out? o Stereotypes Hi I’m a relatively young man, love long walks by the beach, love reading- classic things o Its out there in a way that we typically aren’t in normal process, if find ourselves seated at same table, we let it unfold naturally, slowly information gets revealed o Works out this way for some really good reasons I don’t know you, so how do I get to know you without it being threatening, take my time, I’ll let you know about me as I feel comfort and trust, so process is slow o When we try to shortcut this, we wonder about its affects. o EX. Prof had graduate student by name of Carmen Mackayo, beautiful young women, suffered from amazing arthritis, sitting at the lab with big gloves with fingers cut out, sent to Baylor Texas for internship, graduates with her PHD  Out celebrating, going out to Huston Texas at university of Baylor says she has it all planned, its now august, I’m going to be there September first, and I’m giving it till Christmas to find a lifelong relationship, made a tape with a company there, that would start rolling when she got there, at the time not many people did it  Amazed by her relationship is a business, checking with Carmen every few weeks, and ask about relationship, she had not met her objective  First week of December Texas celebrates Canada day, and put an ice sculpture and its there for a week, she goes there, falls down, gets picked up by an oil barren  By Christmas, all set for life!  A lot of mini theories about who you’re attracted to, but also broad based theories that don’t only focus on one to one relationships, pretend to be true of all relations: one to group, group to group, business relationship, love relationship ECT. o Starts out on a bad foot says at the heart of what you and I as individuals are striving to do in every relationship we have, superficial or intimate, a lot of people or one person, the one thing we are in search of is relationships that maximize reward for our self o We tend to be self centered most theories state so, attributions to make ourselves look good, stereotypes unless internalized, had choice
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