PSYCH 215 Lecture Nov 2
Making friends (no piece of cake)
o Questionnaire about making a friend
o Reality of making a friend
Widespread culture telling us to be assertive, don’t be a wimp, take control.
Most important social activity, we cannot do so. We make opportunities; we
do not assert or assault people.
EX. By chance prof get asked at professional conference for psychologists,
there are sessions where people talk about their science, there is always a
chairperson. Someone in that area of interest, but no role whatsoever, have
nothing to say, just ensure if 4 speakers in 2 hour session… control time
o Prof asked to chair session not in his area, asks what’s the topic?
Loneliness. Keeps track of time.
o First speaker, maybe from BC, large financially supported program to
help people deal with shyness and loneliness, with group sessions
weekly to help people deal with it
o Teach them to be assertive ECT.
o Prof not happy- lonely people gather once a week, and being told to be
assertive, for homework each person was to go home and phone 3
people who they “sort of knew” that they may have met a few times,
and ask to go out for a movie and dinner?
o Prof lost it, stops being a chair we cannot do this, we don’t know the
person well enough- we ease into it
o Prof says you cannot go on wasting your money on this your
training these people in exactly the wrong way, you need to train how
to create opportunities and be patient NOT to attack
Ethnolinguistic groups (similarity)
o If anglo from McGill and had to meet a Franco, where do you go? How
about the university of montreal
o Wrong answer they did not go to university of montreal, went to
Concordia looking for a franco
o Suggests again this whole thing of us not being assertive, we try out
best to extend existing networks into new friendships- capitalize
relations we already have
o It starts to get silly hoping there is a franco at Concordia, and
moreover, university of montreal kids go to the university of Quebec
to find an anglo
o When we think of broad issues such as expanding our cultural
networks, I have to become more cosmopolitan, we expand existing
network which is mostly like us and look for someone who is more
o Suggests A) would a Franco at Concordia be a prototypic Franco?
Probably not. Chosen to go to English university. B) if making a friend
from another cultural group who is already in my extended group,
they may not be typical of their own culture
o When we end up having make contact through exchange program or
our own initiative, not having contact with prototypic of that group,
but nontypical of the other group = illusion of contact
o We noted from the beginning that when it comes to attraction,
similarity works for relationships if anglo makes friend with an
anglo, lots of similarities (culture, age, education, hobbies), if anglo
makes friend of franco, similarities even HIGHER- compensation
hypothesis, I’m going to demand he is even more similar on other
levels to make up for the fact that friend is different linguistically
o Each of us pick those different on one dimension, but look for those
who are ultra similar in every other way- that may not be prototypic
o Thus, not true cross cultural relationship, on surface may appear very
different, but not because not prototypic of each culture
Making friends is very complex, hidden things we should be aware of, in pop
culture we are not being taught the message
o Dating online what’s that all about? Pitched to be a dating service
for people so busy that they can’t meet people and form relationships.
So we’re going to short step a bunch of this, how? So write something
about self. You get a lot of assertive stuff in there; pushy, trying to sell
self, how do you stand out?
o Stereotypes Hi I’m a relatively young man, love long walks by the
beach, love reading- classic things
o Its out there in a way that we typically aren’t in normal process, if
find ourselves seated at same table, we let it unfold naturally, slowly
information gets revealed
o Works out this way for some really good reasons I don’t know you,
so how do I get to know you without it being threatening, take my
time, I’ll let you know about me as I feel comfort and trust, so process
o When we try to shortcut this, we wonder about its affects.
o EX. Prof had graduate student by name of Carmen Mackayo, beautiful
young women, suffered from amazing arthritis, sitting at the lab with
big gloves with fingers cut out, sent to Baylor Texas for internship,
graduates with her PHD
Out celebrating, going out to Huston Texas at university of
Baylor says she has it all planned, its now august, I’m going
to be there September first, and I’m giving it till Christmas to
find a lifelong relationship, made a tape with a company there,
that would start rolling when she got there, at the time not
many people did it
Making friends (no piece of cake: questionnaire about making a friend, reality of making a friend, findings. Widespread culture telling us to be assertive, don"t be a wimp, take control. Most important social activity, we cannot do so. We make opportunities; we do not assert or assault people. By chance prof get asked at professional conference for psychologists, there are sessions where people talk about their science, there is always a chairperson. How about the university of montreal: wrong answer they did not go to university of montreal, went to. Pitched to be a dating service for people so busy that they can"t meet people and form relationships. Prof had graduate student by name of carmen mackayo, beautiful young women, suffered from amazing arthritis, sitting at the lab with big gloves with fingers cut out, sent to baylor texas for internship, graduates with her phd. Out celebrating, going out to huston texas at university of.