Lecture 5 Oct 17th.docx

Social Science 2O03: Canadian Children Oct. 17 2012 Lecture 5: Esther in Context & Conway on Children as Victims & Hurried Children Putting Esther’s talk in context - Low self-esteem issues o Went to mcmaster for a while  Dropped out because felt she didn’t deserve the good grades she was getting – felt that she deceived/tricked the profs in some way o Power element that needs to be dismantled in order for people to regain their self-e o Stop pretending – everything is ok o Imbalance in power - Manipulation o Father tried to manipulate her o Mother manipulated her by playing the victim role - Was emotionally abandoned o Big issue in the literature o See 8 things Conway talks about  Stability etc. - Buries herself in reading o Escapism o Becomes the heroine in the books  Multiple personalities is one of the things that go with abuse  That is related to this - Victim or a survivor o Have to make that choice o Surviving means thriving  Often means breaking the silence, giving ownership of the problem to the perpetrators - Esther’s text o Pg 22  Tries to tell mom she is pregnant – dad has been-  Gets interrupted by mom – are you sure you aren’t making this up, honey  Manipulating o Interrupting o Trying to disarm with charm o Emotionally abandoning her daughter  Diane makes a very powerful statement – mom says she is making it up  Asks her mom  Shouldn’t a girl tell her mom everything? o Low s-e  Has to ask permission to tell her things  Should just know she can tell her everything  Mom should want to protect her o But low s-e means she doesn’t know that  Trying to break the silence  Looking for comfort/wisdom/mentorship to settle her mind o Pg 44  Feels worthless, no good, junk, even my own dad hates me and threw me away – have to tell him I remember, I know what he did to his little girl  Low s-e  Asks her mom to leave her dad o Mom emo abandons her  Manipulates her  You know how violent he can get – he’ll take it out on me if you talk to him  Cries  Playing the victim  Diane – ok mom, I won’t say anything o Diane playing the mother o Pg 45  Mentioned in her lect  Murder/Suicide attempt  Crushed up asprins o Thought to put them in orange juice and give them to her special needs kid to kill him o Thought – no I can’t do it  Called her friend – come and take my children, I’m crazy now  Makes the deicison not to be a victim anymore o First – take the kids to safety o Next – go to the doctor  At this point moves from victim to survivor o Right on the brink, but moves to survivor o What was it that made you capable of surviving/thriving  Said a number of things  Passage in book pg 58  Found the assertiveness workshop in her therapy to be especially helpful o Teach women with low s-e how to build s-e and feel right by themselves, rec feelings and know whether they are appropriate etc.  Husband as emotionally abusive o Left him  She changed, she became assertive, he wasn’t into that  Starting standing up for herself  He participated in gaslighting – crazymaking – making someone feel crazy in order to have control over them  She recognized it, looked for equality and mutual respect  Makes sarcastic remark about her at the dinner table – usual beh – kids snicker at her too  She follows through with assertiveness training o 1 - Al, when you tease me, my feelings get hurt o 2 - That makes me angry o 3 – will you please not do that anymore  I cannot and will not live in a home where my feelings are not important  He rebukes her o Don’t use that assertiveness shit on me diane o Hours later, all talked out – he holds me tight  Emotional abandonment again  Manipulation o After he is mean – he is all sweet and cuddly o Just gonna happen again though  Eventually asks him to go to counselling, he agrees initially and then backs away  She knows she has to leave him – he has no interest in changing and meeting her on level group  Rela ends o Pg 34  See the silence in which people can suffer  Putting kids under a lot of pressure o Hurried kids o Don’t know what to do with it o Act out o Sleeper effect  Discomfort, frustration, anger below the surface  Piles up and then explodes  Also how triggers effect people o Rises to surface so quickly  Felt like holding it all in was so hard  Always seeping through like chicken wire o Always tried to push the dark thoughts back o Constant process to keep it under control  Pg 34  So much pressure  So much building up inside of her  Always scared something would happen and that she would explode o Pg 70  Most important thing to have happened – happens  CONFRONTATION o Relegates her father to that nothingness o Tells her mom she won’t rescue her anymore o Breaks the silence o Ownership of the problem is given to the parents o Shuts down any possibility of emo abandonment, of manipulation  Is strong in herself  Understands she is loveable and worthwhile  Gives herself permission to be the person she was supposed to be in the first place  Can stand on her own two feet with their emo support  Takes ownership of her own life  Before this, when she does tell her mom initially that she might be preg, her mom says she must be imagining it o Very hard news to deal with in a family – when you hear someone you love has hurt someone else, you can still love the person and not the behaviour o If a child or anyone claims that this is happening to them – believe the kid!!!! Always believe the kid. First and foremost. o Shouldn’t be like Diane’s mom – ignore it etc. o Once one person breaks the silence you can find that there are many more victims o Extra Notes from other Lects:  Father was disabled at home while mother was working  Mother doesn’t want to see or hear, not looking or hearing – puts diane in harms way  Failure of looking out for kids falls on failure of family as an institution  Parents are primary agents of socialization – they are the ones that are in charge of the kids and should be making sure all these principles are fulfilled – not the state’s job to raise your kids  Conway – we are all so busy that we aren’t looking out for them  Esther – their fam was so busy, no one was looking out for her – she was made very available to him because of the business of the fam  Divorce – Reasons for:  #3: Male fails to support female liberation o Anti-patriarchy o Women as capable – e.g. Diane didn’t have to remain subservient to Al o Doesn’t have to be someone’s handmaiden – authentic as a person  Page 94/95: Characteristics of Children who get abused most often  #1: premature, therefore failure to bond because of early hospitalization o Like Diane – born when father was at war so he never had a chance to bond with her – abused her  Colour therapy video  Tells us that kids understand o They may not be able to express it but they have within themselves an understanding of what is right, what is wrong, what is comfortable, what is not  Esther – when she felt uncomfortable with her body when her father started abusing her – didn’t know if it was right or wrong but it felt wrong – had nothing to compare it to in terms of, does this happen to everyone? When she started feeling like it was wrong, she went over to a friend’s house. Looked thru her screen door – put hands up to see thru – was looking to see if her house was like diane’s house – to see if what she was living was normal  Chrono time vs. psych time – trauma can often arrest you at the age at which it occurs o E.g. Esther was emotionally arrested as a child – never dev the adult power and objectivity and sense of control – had to learn all of that o Chrono she is a 40 year old woman trying to understand her sexual abuse, psych she is a 13 year old. Therefore had to grow up emo to deal with it  The Price of Warped Mirrors  Reflecting on kids in a neg way  Esther: Learned over her life how to insulate herself as a child, and then as a woman o Building Defenses:  Esther – Always wore beige so that no one would notice her  Didn’t bully, her defense was to melt away and disappear o Submission  Esther – Knew her fam was dysfunctional, other kids might not want to play with her  Gave kids choc syrup at recess o Submitted to the dysfunction, trying to attract friends to her o Attempting to have glimmers of normalcy o Withdrawal  Individuals retreat into fantasies that block out the rejection that they suffer  Esther – escaped into books – became the heroine in the book o The leftovers  Multiple personalities being one of them  Diff types of abuse: Esther was talking about this too  Said that there was a lot of intrafamilial incest in her family o Cousins/uncles/brothers ect. Perpetrating  Intergenerational in her family o Father and grandfather to her o Is the most common overall  Also intergenerational extrafamilial o Older pastor at her church to her  Sex abuse is most often people in your own family, not strangers  Those who have been victimized physically or sexually will try to replay the same traumatic scenario, this time reversing the roles  Diane’s father molested her because he had been victimized  Dorias – Page 44 - What is it that makes them vulnerable?  Isolated  Pushed aside by family  Uncomfortable with themselves  In need of gratification o Diane displayed these too o Her father withheld affection too  Page 18 – Interiorization  Done repeatedly  Often a kid realizes this is incest, this is bad, but if I submit to it, my siblings are safe o Perpetrator says – if you don’t do what I say or if you tell someone, I will do this to someone you love  Rescuer mentality – esther Conway part 2: Victims and Children Page 47: Who Care For The Children?  1959 U.N. The Declaration of the Right of the Child  11 principles in all o To be protected o Not to be neglected, cruelty, exploitation o Are supposed to be mentored to grow phys, morally, mentally, emo and socially o Supposed to be protected by law o Supposed to be allowed to flourish o Conway – these principles are not being upheld  Canadian society has failed Canadian children on principles 2, 3, 8 and 10 Page 48  Most of the failure can be traced directly to the structural failure of the changing family to fulfill its obligations as an institution o Fact that fam is moving ahead and con’t to move ahead from the moment the child is born o Parents are primary agents of socialization – they are the ones that are in charge of the kids and should be making sure all these principles are fulfilled – not the state’s job to raise your kids  Conway – we are all so busy that we aren’t looking out for them  Esther – their fam was so busy, no one was looking out for her – she was made very available to him because of the business of the fam o Holds adults responsible first of all  The laws are there but it is all of us looking out for one another that protects kids o All of us have ownership  Our job to make sure kids are safe  Try to understand the social context, the stresses and strains  Need to deal with causes and prevention not just casualties  Half of a child’s full cognitive development is reached by the age of 3 or 4  Core self-concept and basic social structural map are established primarily through interaction with parents and other adult caregivers in the child’s immediate experience- the amount of time a child enjoys with them, their educational level, and the economic affluence of the household have positive associations with the child’s development o The kids that have these 3 above are the least likely to be abused by their parents  The better off you are and the less stress you are under, the greater the probability that your kids are safe  The child acquires a sense of self and place  Anything that disrupts the security, stability, and quality of a child’s early interactions can have negative consequences: short term and long term deleterious effects on later adjustment o Early interactions are very important  Positive and negative powers of influence  Want kids to have more positive powers of influence experience than negative ones  Happen in our home and with our friends and family foremost Page 49  Positive and negative sides of the spectrum o From love to depravation children loved child abuse material wealth material poverty indulgence food banks o Doesn’t say be indulgent to the point of spoiling, but also don’t be abusive and exploitative of kids  Seems to be either or though according to Conway  Lots of literature on being hoverparents, hurrying your kids vs. literature on child abuse  Poor daycare in Canada  Canada’s daycare crisis reflects well the deep ambivalence toward children Page 50: Daycare Needs of Canada  1986 – 1.2 million preschool children need daycare  There are just over 197,000 licensed daycare spaces  Latchkey children: 1986 = approximately 15% of Canadian children aged 6-12 years o Kids who have a key to the house o Leave house after parents go to work, are the first ones home after school  Because too costly to look after them o As a result  We have kids who become “brandmanagers” see below  Cost of daycare = $6,000 -$8,400 annually  High quality of daycare can cost as much as $15,000  59% of parents rate care as fair of poor  It is believed that 1 in 6 licensed daycare centres are poor or very poor  Overall o Have a lot of kids in homes with working parents o Shortage of daycare settings in terms of placements o Need to do more Page 51  6% of children are left completely unattended by desperate working parents  Effects of worry regarding daycare upon working moms and dads (particularly moms)  Adequate daycare concerns o Child/staff ratios  This is why we have a shortage o Qualified staff  Do have these but are the lowest paid/highest educated o Why do this job when paid so low o Low staff turnover  Right now super high o Resources for programming Page 52  360,000 children under 13 left unsupervised  These children become the “brand managers” of the family and take on many household tasks o 37% of children between 6 and 11 shop or do chores before dinner o 13% of children between 6 and 15 years of age make dinner for themselves o 8% actually make dinner for the family o Latchkey kids targeted between 3 and 5 pm on TV by advertising agencies  Advertising manipulation of kids by the media industry – have kids bug parents to buy something because they are home alone (latchkey) at this point and are watching tv – now is the time for ads! Page 52: Required = A New Community Page 53: Response  Daycare needed: a universal system o Universal childcare would be open admission that the traditional family is dead o Soc is afraid to admit that soc is largely dual career family or something like it  The changes indicate the closer integration of children and women in a more egalitarian and interdependent family o E.g. the Pigett family book  Mrs. Pigett found she couldn’t be super mom – working, cooking and cleaning  Goes on strike so that kids/dad will help out too Page 55: The Economic Insecurity of Children  Dual career families increase  Another major change in the nature of the incomes of Canadians is their growing dependence on social benefits o Old age pension o Income supplements o Family allowance o Unemployment insurance o Social assistance Page 56: Poverty Line  1990 set at 56.2% o Is always shifting no matter when you look at it o Means that basic necessities in life – food, shelter and clothing  That is families or individuals spending 56.2% or more of their incomes on basic necessities were deemed to be officially poor o Speaks to the feminization of poverty – once become single parents are living very close to the poverty line if not at it o Become part of the near poor Page 57  Poverty line = those below poor and then there is the near poor who are also very poor  Child Poverty  Concept of the feminization of poverty  Concept of the juvenescence of poverty Page 58  1999 – children make up 27% of all poor persons  1 in 5 children in Canada were officially poor Page 59  Risk of poverty is greatest for families with children, single parent families, families with one earner  1990’s = unprecedented levels of hunger and homelessness since the great depression of the 1930’s o Crds used to th #1 in terms of the UN rec us as the best place to live, then we slipped to 3 , than to 6  Two variables that brought us down  The way we treat the Aboriginals  Poverty level of Canadian kids Page 60: Health  Inverse relationship between class and mortality o The more upper class you are as a child, the greater the probability that you will live to an older age  Because you are afforded good food/shelter/vitamins/doctors etc o The poorer the person (as a child), the greater the probability of an earlier death  Because shelther/food etc. isn’t as robust as that of an upper class individual o Kids and hope:  Age 8  Kid sees hope of getting out of poverty  Age 10  If kids see poverty – they lose all hope – think poverty is endless o Therefore, need to rescue them before the age of 10 so that hope con’t and we build on it and they become fully func individuals  Class and health summary Page 60: Child Poverty and Family Crisis  Divorce precipitates poverty  New family form of divorce has increased the poverty and general conomic insecurity Page 63  By 1998 children in female single parent families faced 5 times the risk of poverty compared to children in husband/wife families o Effects the female more than the male single parent  children in male single parent families faced over twice the risk Page 64: 1990’s Single Parent Families Female Headed Male Headed Due to Divorce 60% 70%  raw number: 386,000 or over 29% of all officially poor children in Canada – for them marriage breakdown was a factor of some significance in precipitating a fall below the poverty line Page 64: Occurrence and Distribution of Poverty  1998 – 19% of all children were poor in Canada and for over 1 in 4 of them marriage breakdown was implicated in the fall into poverty  Persistence of Poverty  Poor stats on the phenomenon but 3 studies done  1969 – Stats Canada reported 3 in 4 of poor unattached individuals and 2 in 3 poor families were poor in 1968 and in 1969  Therefore a high level of persistence  1972-1973 – Canada Health and Welfare found that 3 in 4 of the poorest households remained poor while 1 in 2 of the near poor did so Page 65: Institutes of Public Affairs at Dalhousie University  Study sampled welfare households that went on to find that with employment between 1973 and 1976: o 3 in 4 lasted six months or less at these minimum wage level jobs o Therefore a high degree of persistence of poverty  Summary: All three studies suggest a significant degree of a persistence of poverty episodes over some considerable time o Stats Canada o Canada health and welfare o Dalhousie  All say that once you do fall into poverty, the persistence lasts over a considerable amount of time  Lasts years  To get that helping hand (welfare) out seems almost abs necc  Falling into cult of poverty because spending so much on 3 basic necc  Considerable amount of effort that needs to be taken in order to get out  A lot of it has to be institutionally provided  Kids Talk – kids are aware how important money is to a family Page 65: Canadian Research  High rates of poverty among female single parent families and the evidence of a persistence of poverty over time suggest that many childhood poverty episodes are of considerable duration o Single parent moms make kids more vulnerable  Canadian children poor during their younger and more formative years Page 66: Single mom’s risk poverty  Men are able to escape court ordered obligation to their former wives and children  Statutes of Women Report: notes that 50-85% default on the part of men across Canada  Fall in income for custodial fathers if originally a dual income family although any period of poverty is half the duration of that of women in similar circumstances o Dads defaulting on custodial payments makes women more vulnerable (and therefore their kids)  Divorce = leads to poverty  Unemployment and Poverty = mortgage defaults, rates of alcohol, drug problems spiralled, child, wife abuse, separation and divorce rates march upwards o If had father/mother lose a job, what happens is they could default on the mortgage, the house could be lost,  Dep/alc issues increase, abuse increases  Spiral of problems that begins to evolve once unemployment hits Page 66/67: Homelessness in Montreal  Came from broken homes- tended to have serious mental health disprders, exacerbated by the routine abuse of drugs and alcohol  1/3 of the very poor were found to be aged 18 or less and ½ of them lived in single parent families amounting to nearly 44,000 children Page 67: Unemployment affects children  They lose expansive optimism about the future  Tent to see the world as a disordered place in which they are unneeded and unwanted burdens o Kids taking ownership of the problem – must be my fault  Tend to suffer elevated risk of clinical depression  They more often experience physical abuse o Cause kids are easy to hit cause they are little Page 67: Stable Family  Sense of Self esteem  Sense of control over their world  Well adjusted adolescents come from families with higher levels of socio-economic status  Less abuse or no abuse  They can count on a more comprehensive system of social supports o Have health plans with parents work that pay for things like glasses, percriptions, dental etc.  Parents tend to be more loving and caring o If not worrying constan