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Full Dorais Notes

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Social Sciences
Geraldine Voros

Dorais – Don’t Tell Page 6- The definition of sexual abuse • Firstly…violence Sexual abuse: removal of clothing, sexual touching, sexual relations with difference in age and power both physically and psychologically -activates are not solicitated by younger individual, use of threats, violence, blackmail Page 17 - The reasons why boys are more reluctant than girls to disclose abuse -more inclined to conceal hurt, -aware of sexist prejudices, - idea that boys should be in control, - not supposed to be weak/vulnerable, -don’t have a reference point (really don’t know who to tell) -feels wrong yet good (sexual stimulation) Page 18 - Double Constraint Page 18 - Interiorization Page 19 – No Steps Taken (Re-victimization) Page 21 – Interview seen by respondents as liberating • Silence the perfect accomplice of those who abuse children Page 21 – Different Types of Abuse • Intrafamilial – inside the home/family • Extrafamilial – outside the family nucleus • Intergenerational – belonging to different generations • Intragenerational – between boy who belong to the same generation Page 23/24 – Father-Son Incest • Turns the child’s way of imagining the world upside-down • The different ways father-son sexual abuse breaks the double taboo of incest and homosexuality • Incestuous fathers sexualize their relationships with their sons. The victims of father-son incest related that the preliminaries to or the moments following sexual contact with their fathers constituted the only occasions on which the father had been at all attentive or affectionate towards them. -lost reference point of father -doesn’t understand how father is supposed to translate in his father/ why mother isn’t doing anything/ why father isn’t happy with mother/ unsure about other adults now/ doesn’t know who to trust/ fearful -fathers are cold individuals Page 27 – Intrafamilial/Intergenerational Incest • This abuse is amongst the most traumatizing, most denied, the most secret. Page 28 – Intergenerational/Extrafamilial Abuse • Committed by people called third parties Page 28 – Boys/Victims • Lonely, loking for affection or attention • Predisposed to abuse due to an unstable or non-supportive home environment • Likely to be submissive and will up to a point “participate” in being abused, if only to the extent that he will not denounce it -lonely/ low self-esteem/ not supported/ not paid attention to/ child is trapped before they know how to get out of it/ lure child in by paying attention to them/ child is set up for victimization Page 29 – Intragenerational and Intrafamilial Abuse • Occurs more frequently than we believe -repeated cycle from generation to generation -subculture of sexual abuse/ ripples through families Page 30 • It is as though in some cases a family subculture exists – the cycle repeats itself -victim becomes perpetrator Page 33 • Those who have been victimized physically or sexually will try to replay the same traumatic scenario, this time reversing the roles Page 42 – Victims • Trapped, vulnerable, unloved, lonely, rejected • Relationship of abuse is a last hope or refuge • Victims from all social classes -when feel lonely, this dysfunctional person seems better than no one at all Page 43 • Abusers avowedly heterosexual, sometimes bisexual, very rarely homosexual • Absences of a male figure in the young boy’s/victim’s life • Aggressor assumes the role of significant other in the your boy’s life • Boys driven by an intense quest for that affection • Abuser can pick out a vulnerable boy Page 44 - What is it that makes them vulnerable? • Isolated • Pushed aside by family • Uncomfortable with themselves • In need of gratification -don’t know how to act because they haven’t had encouraging/nurturing relationship -they don’t know who they are if anyone loves them so they need gratification and attention -everyone wants to belong/matter Page 44 – Aggressor: acustoms the targeted child to increasing physical contact • Contact is orchestrated in such a way that the child feels that he is willing • Youngster is now entrapped -“our little secret, don’t tell anyone, this is okay, we’re friends” -adult knows how to manipulate and child doesn’t even know how to deal with himself Page 44 – The troubled family’s contribution • The more dysfunctional the family, the more prepared the boy is to do or to submit to whatever is asked of him… “just to have a little attention” • Child receptive to the rules of abuse: a conspiracy of silence, emotional and sometimes financial blackmail, the resulting give and take agreement • -“but look what I gave you, I took you to the game, gave you a bike…” (child: “no one else has given me anything and this guy has so..”) • -child thinks they’re indebted so they’re only dealing with the situation with only way they know how Page 45 – Sexualized Affection • “they will all have conformed to its logic during a period” • “trap is closed before the child can protect against it” Page 46 – child = “confused” and “hesitant” • Aware something is not normal • Hoped they were mistaken or things would return to normal -ill informed thought, don’t think it’d happen again, realize they have no one to tell Page 47 – Perpetrators practice • Leads boy astray • Acts in a way boy will eventually feel guilty • Boy understands he is trapped • The secret is in place -can make child feel like no one but them cares about them Page 47 – Dynamics of Sexual Abuse • Four phases (bottom of page 47) -engagement of young person by older person that will make use of them (get them alone etc.) -abuse itself is gradually perpetrated (gifters of thing, payment for the attention, bribery that makes experience bearable, makes child partner in process) -only stop if child discloses, becomes defiant, leaves neighborhood, use drugs to get away from life Page 59 • No reference point for child to explain the abuse • Child tries to make sense (i.e. abuser need attention, abuser can not control his sexual impulses, the abuser has a misunderstood the relationship between them, abuser wanted to teach him about sexuality) Child is constantly struggling to make sense out of abuse because they don’t know what is acceptable/ unacceptable behavior Page 59 – History of Intergenerational Sexuality • Everyday practices in other countries at other times Page 60 • Baruyas of New Guinea • Sambias of New Guinea • Intergenerational and non reciprocal sexuality • Behaviour a huge secret not to be revealed to women or children on pain of death Page 61 • Perpetuation of a long manly tradition according to which the initiation of the youngest takes place through an apprenticeship in submission, be it sexual or otherwise Page 62/ 114 • Pedomorphic Qualities: • Small, soft smooth skin • Vulnerable individuals • Those qualities appropriate to “juveniles” -want someone younger because: they’re easily controlled/ “damsels in distress” (needing a man to save them) behaving that way in front of small children is enabling this/ ads of little girls all dolled up/ Page 62 – How the Abused Boy Interprets The Behavior of His Aggressors 1. Unbridled Sexuality (Page 62) 2. Sexual Initiation (Page 64) 3. A Situation of Domination (Page 66) Results (Page 68) 4. Planned Revenge (Page 68) 5. A Misunderstanding - 2 views (Page 70) • Conclusion: confustion between/amongst abuse, affection, sexuality 2. “Sexual education” 3. someone more powerful abusing position so child is passive and taken advantage of/ victimized/ Results: child can be in denial/ self-mutilation/ drug users/ alcoholics/ amnesia and blocked memories/ split personalities/ suicide 4. live tender years trying to understand how someone could have done that to them and then only learn how someone could have done that by doing it to someone else so atleast symbolically they can reinstate their man hood 5. confusion w
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