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Lecture 7

Hsci 120 - Lecture 7

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Simon Fraser University
Health Sciences
HSCI 120
Carolyn Stewart

HSCI 120 October 20, 2010 Lecture 7 Attraction Chapter 12, 15 Attraction (366)  Mere-Exposure Effect: Tendency to like a person more if we have been exposed to him or her repeatedly  Homophily: Tendency to have contact with people who are equal in social status  Matching Phenomenon: Tendency for men and women to choose as partners people who match them who are similar in attitudes and intelligence and attractiveness  Reinforcement Theory: We tend to like people who a frequently nice to us and seldom nasty  Sexual Strategies Theory  Men select young women which shows that they are fertile for reproduction  Females select men with high social status so that they can care for her young in long term Physical  People rate physical attributes as the most important Attraction  People are more likely to remember the name of those who are attractive Interpersonal Marketplace  Beautiful women usually pair up with high-status men  People tend to shop for men within their range Intimacy (372)  Intimacy: A quality of relationships characterized by commitment, feelings of closeness and trust, and self-disclosure  Self-Disclosure: Telling personal things about yourself  Shows trust  Modeling and imitation  Couples who practice more self-disclosure are more satisfied Love (375)  Triangular Theory of Love  Passion, Commitment, Intimacy  Intimacy: Emotional component  Passion: Motivation component, physical attraction, sexual expression  Attachment Theory of Love  People characterize themselves into one of 4 categories  What predicts the attachment section of people is the quality of their relationship between their parents when they were young  Types of Love  Love Story: A story about what love should be like, including characters, a plot and a theme  Passionate Love: A state of intense longing for union with the other person and of intense physiological arousal  Cognitive: Preoccupation with the love one and idealization of person or relationship  Emotional: Physiological arousal, sexual attraction, desire for union  Behavioral: Taking care of the other and maintaining physical closeness  Companionate Love: A feeling of deep attachment and commitment to a person with whom one has an intimate relationship  Operational Definition: Defining some concept or term by how it is measured – ex: defining intelligence as those abilities that are measured by IQ tests  Two-Component Theory of Love: Berscheid and Walster’s theory that two conditions must exist simultaneously for passionate love to occur  Physiological arousal  Attaching a cognitive label (love) to the feeling  Misattribution of Arousal: When a person in a stage of physiological arousal attributes these feelings to love or at Culture Love  Individualist Cultures: Canada, US, Western European countries – tend to emphasize individual goals over group and societal goals and interests  Choose mates ourselves  Collectivist Cultures: China, Africa, southeast Asian countries – tend to emphasize group and collective goals over personal ones  Family Arranges  No large differences in mate selection: Women likes those with resources, men like those with good Communication physical attraction (388)  Four Negative Messages which Destroy a Relationship  Criticism: Attacking a partner’s personality or character  Contempt: Intentionally insulting or orally abusing the other person  Defensiveness: Denying responsibility Effective  Withdrawal: Responding to the partner’s complaint with silence Communication  Sexual Self-Disclosure: Telling personal sexual things about yourself such as your sexual likes and dislikes  Shares intimacy and allows partner to learn about you  Effective Communicator: A communicator whose impact matches his or her intent  Intent: What the speaker means  Impact: What someone else understands the speaker to mean  “I” Language: Speaking for yourself, using the word I; not mind reading  “I feel a bit unhappy because I don’t have orgasms very often when we make love”  Partner is less likely to become defensive  Mind Reading: Making assumptions about what your partner thinks of feels  “I know you think I’m not much interested in sex, but I really wish I had more orgasms”  Documenting: Giving specific examples of the issue being discussed  “Last night when we made love, I enjoyed it and it felt really good, but then I didn’t have an orgasm, and then I felt disappointed” HSCI 120 October 20, 2010 Lecture 7 Attraction Chapter 12, 15  Could then add a suggestion for issue at hand  Levelling: Telling your partner what you are feeling by stating your thoughts clearly, simply and honestly  To make communication clear  To clear what partners expect of each other  To clear what is pleasant and what is unpleasant  To clear up what is relevant and what is irrelevant  To notice things that draw you closer or push you apart  Editing: Censoring or not saying things that would be deliberately hurtful to your partner or that are irrelevant  Non-Defensive Listener: Focus on what your partner is saying and feeling, don’t immediately become defensive  Paraphrasing: Saying in your own words what you think your partner meant  “I hear you saying that I’m not very good at making love to you, and therefore you’re not having orgasms  Non-Verbal Communication: Communication not through words, but through the body  Validation: Telling your partner that, given his or her point of view, you can see why he or she thinks a certain way  Fighting Fair: A set of rules designed to make arguments constructive rather than destructive Sexual Behavior  Determining when Sexual Behavior is Abnormal: Abnormal (465)  Statistical Definition: When the behavior is one that is rare or not practiced by many people  Sociological Approach: When society deems the behavior deviant 
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