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PSYCH 253 (142)


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Steve Spencer

RELATIONSHIP If a man loves a woman 1. FROM LIKING TO RELATIONSHIP • The Development of Relationships • Models of development - The intimacy weighted more (friendship) • Passionate Love - The Two-Factor Theory of Emotion Again – you have this intense feeling of arousal, you attribute it to other person (this passion dominates to the early phase of a relationship)  Companionate love – intimacy weighted more; enjoy spending time together (friendship) • Liking those who like us – there is a boost of attractiveness if other people like us too • We like people who make us feel good – the person who makes you laugh makes you feel happy makes you feel good; compliments make you feel good too. • We like those who we trust – as you learn to trust, the relationship would go forward • Attachment in Relationships TYPES OF ATTACHMENT • secure attachment pattern (when the mother leaves, the child will cry yet will be happy when the mother comes back); positive view of self and positive view of others • anxious ambivalent (when the mother leaves, the child will be clingy to the mother but when the mother comes back, it’s either the child will be angry or happy); negative view of themselves and positive view of others • avoidance pattern (the child will not seek out for the mother after); positive view of self and negative view of others • you need to feel positive about yourself as well as to others to develop trust  New Models of Attachment – MODEL OF THE SELF & MODEL OF THE OTHER PERSON 2. ATTACHMENT STYLES • I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting close to me. (SECURE ATTACHMENT); security attached people loves security attached people; everybody is better with securely attached • I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others: I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. (AVOIDANCE ATTACHMENT); avoidance to anxiously attached but not with avoidance; • I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away. (ANXIOUS AMBIVILENT) do the best with securely attached; anxiously attached people are compatible with anxiously attached people too 3. WHAT MAKES RELATIONSHIP WORK?  If you believe that the other person loves you and that he’s going to treat you well, that’s trust.  Illusions in Relationships – Illusions in a relationship: when you think that other perso
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