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Lecture 2

CMN 4131 Lecture Notes - Lecture 2: Daniel Goleman, Nonverbal Communication, Linguistics

Course Code
CMN 4131
Stephanie Larrue

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Lecture 2
Skills of Negotiators and Mediators
4 steps to resolve conflict
!1. Observe
o!as opposed to judging
o!judgment often creates conflict
!2. Feel
!3. Need
!4. Request
Creating relationships
Empathy vs. sympathy
o!Feelings are more active
o!Really feeling really hard other person’s and your feelings
o!That sometimes can affect your judgments
o!Going into other person’s world
o!More objective
o!Gives you professional distance
o!Helps you keep your mind more clear as well.
Don’t use the term ‘but’, it doesn’t help the conflict.
You can switch ‘but’ to ‘and’ that will just acknowledge differences as oppose
to opposing them which could create conflict.
Being positive creates hope and energy to think better and find solutions.
Applying Intentionality
!Building rapport
! Establishing and maintaining tone
! Creating and understanding shared meaning
o!mutual interests
o!making sure you’re working together and being aware of the
other person.
o!Its about being together how can we work together with

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o!The two parties don’t even want to be in conflict deep down.
! Getting educated and informed
! Deconstructing positions and listening for interests
! Demonstrating engagement in the negotiation process
o!showing more commitment, the more you help the fluidity,
you help the process to get in gear.
! Expanding possibilities for settlement and realizing common
o!finding other solution
o!being creative
Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)
!1) Self-Awareness (moods, impulses, emotions, why, and the
effect on others)
o!being aware of your moods and emotions and the effect on
other people
o!what you’re feeling what’s going on inside you, in your mind,
with your personality
o!checking out what’s going on with you and if it affects your
relationship negatively perhaps its time to put it away and
come back to it later.
o!Mindfulness – Buddhist practice, being more and more
!!Being aware, observing, putting your full attention on
!!Its about acceptance of the way the things are
!!Helps you be more observant of yourself and others and
accept what it is, and it opens up your mind to think
what you can do with it.
! 2) Self-Regulation (keep emotions in check, remain calm and
keep composure)
o!If you think its helpful then use your emotions
o!Be aware of not escalating your emotions that would hinder
your relationship.
! 3) Self-Motivation (remain focused on one’s goals, hope of
success, accept change as necessary to attain goals)
o!what is the big picture
o!what you hope to accomplish
o!looking further down the line, you want to keep that
relationship? You want that job? You want to graduate?
o!Focusing on the bigger picture, keeping you calm.

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! 4)Empathy (understand feelings, verbal and non-verbal
messages, provide emotional support when needed, understand the
link between emotions and behaviours)
o!be empathetic towards them
o!listen to them
o!letting go and show curiosity about it
!!its an easier way of getting out of your emotional state
o!switching it around and showing genuine curiosity and maybe
then you’ll have a chance to express yourself
o!trying to understand the other person’s point of view
o!putting yourself in someone else’s position
o!drop the issue and strengthen the relationship and empathy
in a genuine way
o!strengthen the relationship and don’t try dominate the
person, that your position is better, and instead try to be on
equal ground and humble yourself, they have to feel real for
you and for the other person to work.
! 5) Managing relationships (deal with problems without
demeaning others, not let others’ negative feelings hinder, handle
conflict with tact and diplomacy)
o!putting the emphasis on the quality of your relationships
Main Skills – Partial to all
!1) Listen with full attention and care, with sincere and sympathetic
interest (empathetic, active listening)
!!Acknowledge without judging
!!Recognize and reflect back views, needs and feelings
!!Reflect back what was heard
!!Be empathetic
o!People enjoy being heard. They becoming interested.
o!Listen to people, ask questions, be interested.
! 2) Never make anyone wrong
o!Never judge nor evaluate what has been said
o! Never blame one party
o! Never make one party right
o! Never have the parties think that you favour one party or
agree more with one party
o! Stay as neutral as possible and keep your thoughts,
emotions and reactions to yourself
! 3) Patience, take your time, acceptance
o!People may not be organized or may be confused
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