Lecture Fifteen: Maintaining and Continuing Relationships
1/3 of men are as “warm” as women, and others can learn to be warmer/more expressive.
Most partners explain their partner’s behaviours favourably, even when they misbehave
(attributing conﬂict to external, unstable, and speciﬁc environments)
Most people seek out a partners and are comfortable being an independent in an intimate
Authentic Forgiveness can help a relationship over a long period of time, and must be initiated
by the transgressor — potential for forgiveness but you shouldn’t automatically expect
forgiveness from your partner.
Ways to maintain a relationship: Cognitive Perspective
i. Thinking of ourselves as a union rather than a island.
ii. Positive Illusions and Idealizations — viewing the misdeeds by the partner as temporary and
iii. Perceived superiority of your relationship over most.
iv. Inattention to alternatives (Miller 1997 found that relationships where on partner would
linger longer on photos of attractive people were more likely to dissolve)
v. Derogation of testing alternatives —judging alternatives less favourably
- Simpson et al (1990) asked committed undergraduates to judge the attractiveness of photos of
the opposite sex. Some models were from another city, some were fellow students on campus.
He found that students