Study: 17 buildings with 10 apartments. 65% had friends who were in the
exact same building (people were randomly assigned rooms). Those who
were immediate are more likely to be your friend than those who are far
and you don’t see often.
Why do people we see the most not irritate us? Mere exposure effect.
When we see a stimulus, we like it more. This works for positive or neutral
stimuli – the more they see it, the rate it as liking it more. For negative
stimuli – if you see them repeatedly, you hate them more overtime.
Shown picture at the end and asked how much they liked her. Results: the
more they saw her, the more they liked her and found her attractive.
We like people who we see, who are familiar to us.
Women who are hard to get (they don’t tend to like other men) but they do
like the participant in the study. These women are rated much higher than
women who like a lot of other men. Mere exposure and hard to get are not
Boost to yourself because picky people (hard to get) don’t like people
often but they like you.
Some people find that sharing interest is more important than sharing
values but not everyone is like this.
Why do we want people similar to us than different? We think similar
people will like us more because of shared interest. Also validation for
what we do. If you talk to someone and they say they like something else,
we get defensive and defend when we believe in.
People tend to feel understood by similar people.
We see in married couples in terms of personality traits, openness to
experience is important because they do better and are happy than
couples who have conflicting levels of openness to experience.
Openness, consciousness, extrovert, altruistic and neurotic (OCEAN) isn’t
We are more likely to like someone who likes us back.
Even in the absence of similarity (people who are different), and if we are
told they like us, we like them back.
Study: participants given false information. You will interact with someone
and based on your questionnaire, this person doesn't like you OR this
person does like you.
Interaction with confederate occurs who turns out not be a confederate.
When they thought partner liked them, partner like them and when they
thought partner didn't like them, partner didn't like them.
People with poor self-esteem, high depression based on the way they are
interacting the other person isn’t all that friendly. Slide 9
It is the most important part with no difference between men and women.
Number 1 predictor for asking on another date was how attractive they
Study: women had to rate pictures of men. Created fake dating profiles
(pictures of men with personality traits, likes, dislikes) and had to rate
them. Then asked what was the most important factor in you wanting to
Hooked them up to fake lie detector and asked what about this person
makes you want to go out with them. People answered physical
Men like women with small noses, small chins, big eyes, big lips and
Women like men with big eyes, prominent cheekbones, big chins and big
Maybe had to do with our desire for baby face, especially for women. Link
to how babies are (babies have big eyes). A prominent cheekbone, in
contrast to baby face shows sexual maturity so this person would be a
good partner for sexual mating.
When looking at short versus long-term relationship, women prefer
masculine looking men for short-term relationships but feminine men for
long term relationships.
Women want feminine person with less testosterone so that person would
be loyal rather than a masculine guy who would be good short term for
Men always prefer feminine looking women for short and long-term
If you attract women over the course of menstruation, it varies.
We are attracted to people who look like us because we have a chance
We value faces in the opposite sex that are similar to us. We like people
who are similar to us but also in our appearances.
People choose the blended face as more attractive. It also depends on
level of attractiveness to begin off with.
Why are we attracted to the average?
People argue it’s the power of familiarity. Average face is the blend of
familiar faces so we find it attractive.
Evolutionary psychology: it makes sense we value traits that are not
extreme. Faces that reflect a genetic mixing of different variables would be
a hardier face.
We see a high being in the love in the beginning. It is like they are a
different person. Intimacy: feelings of closeness with someone, bonding with partner.
People in an intimate phase tend to produce similar to morphine. It is a
calming effect not a high like in the beginning.
Commitment: we see the decision to be with a partner, can be in short-
term relationships or long-term and actually staying with someone.
These 3 form all these different kinds of love.
Talia would be high in the passionate phase.
Couples that get married at the height of infatuation don’t last.
Slide True or False
Men fall in love faster.
Women don’t believe true love lasts forever. Men report love at first sight.
Women value companionate love (to see someone who is a friend who
will commit and be intimate).
Asians endorse companion friendship more than North Americans.
Low Avoidance: avoiding intimacy. Secure attachments are the healthiest
Dismissive of importance of intimacy in relationship. Dismissive claim that
they don’t need relationships, they prefer to be self-sufficient. Hard to be
Fearful are desperate of love but fear that closeness (intimacy) will break.
Fearful find it hard because they want to be close but are afraid of that.
They are very afraid of being hurt.
Preoccupied are concerned whether partner likes them and are clingy.
Preoccupied are more obsessive and fearful because they want more
intimacy than their partner wants.
Age at first marriage has been increasing. 28 for men and 25 for women.
What determines whether people are happy in a marriage? It is hard to
know. We use divorce to see if the couple is happy. We need to look at
marital quality than how long they stay. A couple can stay together forever
but not be happy.
Slide True or False
Younger couples have greater risk of divorce.
Couples who have children right away are not happier.
Idealizing one’s partner isn’t damaging to the relationship.
1) Younger couples (late teens) are much more likely to divorce. 24 and
under have a 60% chance of divorcing compared to our 50% average
which is going down.
Eriksson talks about teenagers having a hard time with intimacy because
they are still figuring out who they are (role identity and confusion).
2) Pregnancy. Those who are pregnant at the time of marriage or who
have poor financial situation are more likely to dissolve their marriage. 3) People who are of similar age, similar values, goals, interests, attitudes,
socioeconomic status, behavior, etc. tend to be happier. Certain behaviors
that can be problematic and life choices (if someone drinks and if one
partner likes to drink and the other doesn't – that can be hard on a
4) If one partner feels they are putting more in the relationship than the
other, they aren’t going to be too happy. If a partner is bringing something
that you find hard on your own, you are each bringing your own thing to
People are happy in the early and later phases of their relationship.
Vulnerability stress model.
Couples who are able to handle stress better (life circumstances – get
pregnancy unexpectedly, financial problems) do better.
Having kids in your 30s leads to some greater happiness or less stress.
Older mothers are more at ease as parents, they have the luxury to spend
more time with children, can be more affectionate, sensitive and
Older fathers tend to be more invested in their paternal goal, can spend 3x
more time spending time with children than fathers in their 20s.
Why do they have more than o