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Lecture 9

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University of Toronto St. George
Ian Spence

Lecture 9 Slide 5  Study: 17 buildings with 10 apartments. 65% had friends who were in the exact same building (people were randomly assigned rooms). Those who were immediate are more likely to be your friend than those who are far and you don’t see often.  Why do people we see the most not irritate us? Mere exposure effect. When we see a stimulus, we like it more. This works for positive or neutral stimuli – the more they see it, the rate it as liking it more. For negative stimuli – if you see them repeatedly, you hate them more overtime. Slide 6  Shown picture at the end and asked how much they liked her. Results: the more they saw her, the more they liked her and found her attractive.  We like people who we see, who are familiar to us.  Women who are hard to get (they don’t tend to like other men) but they do like the participant in the study. These women are rated much higher than women who like a lot of other men. Mere exposure and hard to get are not contradicting.  Boost to yourself because picky people (hard to get) don’t like people often but they like you. Slide 7  Some people find that sharing interest is more important than sharing values but not everyone is like this.  Why do we want people similar to us than different? We think similar people will like us more because of shared interest. Also validation for what we do. If you talk to someone and they say they like something else, we get defensive and defend when we believe in.  People tend to feel understood by similar people.  We see in married couples in terms of personality traits, openness to experience is important because they do better and are happy than couples who have conflicting levels of openness to experience.  Openness, consciousness, extrovert, altruistic and neurotic (OCEAN) isn’t as important. Slide 8  We are more likely to like someone who likes us back.  Even in the absence of similarity (people who are different), and if we are told they like us, we like them back.  Study: participants given false information. You will interact with someone and based on your questionnaire, this person doesn't like you OR this person does like you.  Interaction with confederate occurs who turns out not be a confederate.  When they thought partner liked them, partner like them and when they thought partner didn't like them, partner didn't like them.  People with poor self-esteem, high depression based on the way they are interacting the other person isn’t all that friendly. Slide 9  It is the most important part with no difference between men and women.  Number 1 predictor for asking on another date was how attractive they were.  Study: women had to rate pictures of men. Created fake dating profiles (pictures of men with personality traits, likes, dislikes) and had to rate them. Then asked what was the most important factor in you wanting to date someone.  Hooked them up to fake lie detector and asked what about this person makes you want to go out with them. People answered physical attractiveness. Slide 10  Men like women with small noses, small chins, big eyes, big lips and prominent cheekbones.  Women like men with big eyes, prominent cheekbones, big chins and big smile.  Maybe had to do with our desire for baby face, especially for women. Link to how babies are (babies have big eyes). A prominent cheekbone, in contrast to baby face shows sexual maturity so this person would be a good partner for sexual mating.  When looking at short versus long-term relationship, women prefer masculine looking men for short-term relationships but feminine men for long term relationships.  Women want feminine person with less testosterone so that person would be loyal rather than a masculine guy who would be good short term for sex.  Men always prefer feminine looking women for short and long-term relationship.  If you attract women over the course of menstruation, it varies.  We are attracted to people who look like us because we have a chance with them.  We value faces in the opposite sex that are similar to us. We like people who are similar to us but also in our appearances. Slide 11  People choose the blended face as more attractive. It also depends on level of attractiveness to begin off with.  Why are we attracted to the average?  People argue it’s the power of familiarity. Average face is the blend of familiar faces so we find it attractive.  Evolutionary psychology: it makes sense we value traits that are not extreme. Faces that reflect a genetic mixing of different variables would be a hardier face. Slide 13  We see a high being in the love in the beginning. It is like they are a different person.  Intimacy: feelings of closeness with someone, bonding with partner. People in an intimate phase tend to produce similar to morphine. It is a calming effect not a high like in the beginning.  Commitment: we see the decision to be with a partner, can be in short- term relationships or long-term and actually staying with someone.  These 3 form all these different kinds of love.  Talia would be high in the passionate phase.  Couples that get married at the height of infatuation don’t last. Slide True or False  Men fall in love faster.  Women don’t believe true love lasts forever. Men report love at first sight. Women value companionate love (to see someone who is a friend who will commit and be intimate).  Asians endorse companion friendship more than North Americans. Slide 14  Low Avoidance: avoiding intimacy. Secure attachments are the healthiest and happiest.  Dismissive of importance of intimacy in relationship. Dismissive claim that they don’t need relationships, they prefer to be self-sufficient. Hard to be anxiously attached.  Fearful are desperate of love but fear that closeness (intimacy) will break. Fearful find it hard because they want to be close but are afraid of that. They are very afraid of being hurt.  Preoccupied are concerned whether partner likes them and are clingy. Preoccupied are more obsessive and fearful because they want more intimacy than their partner wants. Slide 15  Age at first marriage has been increasing. 28 for men and 25 for women.  What determines whether people are happy in a marriage? It is hard to know. We use divorce to see if the couple is happy. We need to look at marital quality than how long they stay. A couple can stay together forever but not be happy. Slide True or False  Younger couples have greater risk of divorce.  Couples who have children right away are not happier.  Idealizing one’s partner isn’t damaging to the relationship. Slide 16  1) Younger couples (late teens) are much more likely to divorce. 24 and under have a 60% chance of divorcing compared to our 50% average which is going down.  Eriksson talks about teenagers having a hard time with intimacy because they are still figuring out who they are (role identity and confusion).  2) Pregnancy. Those who are pregnant at the time of marriage or who have poor financial situation are more likely to dissolve their marriage.  3) People who are of similar age, similar values, goals, interests, attitudes, socioeconomic status, behavior, etc. tend to be happier. Certain behaviors that can be problematic and life choices (if someone drinks and if one partner likes to drink and the other doesn't – that can be hard on a relationship).  4) If one partner feels they are putting more in the relationship than the other, they aren’t going to be too happy. If a partner is bringing something that you find hard on your own, you are each bringing your own thing to the relationship. Slide 17  People are happy in the early and later phases of their relationship.  Vulnerability stress model.  Couples who are able to handle stress better (life circumstances – get pregnancy unexpectedly, financial problems) do better. Slide 18  Having kids in your 30s leads to some greater happiness or less stress.  Older mothers are more at ease as parents, they have the luxury to spend more time with children, can be more affectionate, sensitive and supportive.  Older fathers tend to be more invested in their paternal goal, can spend 3x more time spending time with children than fathers in their 20s.  Why do they have more than o
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