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Chapter 11- Human Sexuality.docx

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Western University
Psychology 2075

Chapter 11: Sexuality and the Life Cycle: Adulthood Sex and the Single Person: Sexual Development o Hetersexuality is the norm others are gay and have to deal with society’s heterosexism o Sexual orientation is one step of defining one’s own sexuality o Another is our sexual likes and dislikes but must also learn to communicate with partner o Another 2 steps in sexual maturity: being responsible about sex and developing capacity for intimacy o Contraceptives and emotional sharing o Media influences what we see as mature sexuality o Shows like Seinfeld, Sex and the City, Will and Grace, Queer as Folk-first to show lives of gays/lesbians o Still carries societal stereotypes The Never-Married o Includes those who intend to marry someday, long term common law relationships o People are waiting longer to get married nowadays o Typical person spends several adult years in the never married category before marrying o some choose serial monogamy teen intimate relationships prior to marriage o may want to keep independence so some have living apart together relationship o long distance relationships on the rise report less satisfaction and more depression but not necessarily less stable o less likely to end if faith in parnter’s commitment o more likely to keep idealized notions if see eachother less frequently o after 30 without forming long relationship it’s a different world, social structures like uni or college are gone and most people of same age are married o Research shows 3 types of chaste singles: o Virgins never had intercourse, rarely dated o Singles had sex but didn’t like it, unable to keep relationships o Partnered sexless relationships, usually had it in the past but has declined o Search for spouse affects people by increasing desperation as time goes by o “wont marry” group= more likely to be single parents, lower incomes, less education Being Single o single scenes= like single bars or complexes that provide ability to meet someone o speed dating= intended for busy professional, spend short period of time talking to several singles and at end say whether they would see person again o anxieties that go with= not finding something to say in short time, disappointment if person doesn’t respond o sporting rituals= like nightclub scenes, game-oriented cultural scripts o both have extensive preparations like chosing clothing and hair style then pre drinking and depending on how many friends you go out with result are diff o big groups= flirty, pair= find sexual partner o over dancing behaviour= grinding o single ads on internet sites like lavalife are popular for people 45 and older, usually includes a profile o relationship may include cybersex—sexual talk online for sex pleasure o morelikely to be male, signle, divorced, employed, urban and have higher incomes o not socially isolated Cohabitation o common to try various levels of commitment o living together announces commitment and declaration of relationship o increasingly middle aged and over are living in common law o common alternative to marriage o common-law relationship= 2 people living together as a couple for 12 continuous months but aren’t married o 16% of Canadians vs 6 % in 1981 o rate is highest in quebec o usually seen as step before marriage but break up more than marriages do o study compared people who lives together before marriage to those that didn’t o couples who lived together had more negative interactions, lower commitment o does not cause divorce althought numbers are higher for those who lived together o most who have had a marriage dissolve choose common-law over remarriage o cohabiting have more sex then married o longer a couple has been together less frequently they have sex Marriage o 2000= same-sex couples have same rights as hetero married couples o 2005= right to marry o 3 reasons Canadians give for getting married= commitment, moral values/beliefs, their children should have married parents o psych pressures= sexual performance, separating from parents, lifelong promise that is hard to keep for some o era of dual-earner couples-issue finding time for sex o as it progresses, nature of love changes, disenchantment with sex Frequency of Intercourse o 1/3 of first marriages end in divorce o in U.S. married hetero couples have sex 2/3x per week o Frequency of marital sex same now as in 1940s o Frequency of intercourse declines with age o Biological aging= decrease in lubrication of vagina o Habituation to sex with partner= lose interest, usual decline after first year and progresses o Arrival of children o Married couples that are sexually inactive= unhappiness in marriage, lack of shared activity, increased age, poor health o Married couple in seattle hold record 900x in 700 days Sexual Techniques o Increased popularity of mouth-genital techniques most dramatic changes in the last 50 years o Half of married women do it o Younger more likely to include it o Higher level of education and incomes more likely (social class differences) Negotiating Sex o Sexual scripts direct verbal statement, behavioural scripts o Person may kiss more passionately than usual after work o Avoid rejection some ritualize it ex Thursdays nights o Most frequently used= direct verbal statement, 2 most= kissing passionately without saying anything o Men initiated sex twice as often as women (2x a week) o But equally likely to respond positively o Men weren’t always interested (contrary to stereotype) Masturbation o Men it’s a subsitute for vaginal sex o Women part of a larger repertoire of sex activity o Most common among younger people o Many do even though they are married o Perfectly normal o Can serve many needs in a long-term relationships o Provides sexual gratification while remaining faithful Sexual Satisfaction o Overall feeling we are left with afer considering the positive or negative aspects of our sexual relationship o Not just physical pleasure or lack of problem o Men sexual rewards comfortable with partner,feeling good about themselves during sex, having fun during sex o Women being treated well during sex, feeling comfortable, having sex in context of long term relationship o Interpersonal Exchange model of Sexual Satisfaction o 4 aspects: more sexually satisfied if 1. We perceive ourselves to be getting many sexual rewards and few costs 2. We perceive we are getting more rewards than expected and fewer costs 3. We perceive our own and partners rewards/costs to be equal 4. We are happy with non-sexual aspects of relationship o how you get along outside the bedroom affects this too o sex satisfaction is important to marital quality o education programs to increase sexual satisfaction for both partners may lower divorce rates o Interviews showed 4 factors that differentiate people whoa re happy with their sex lives o 1. Sense of calm and acceptance of sexuality o 2. Happy ppl delight in pleasing partner o 3. They listen to their partners like and dislikes/moods o 4. Talk both in and out of bed  shows good communication is essential Sexual Patterns o Study of married couples showed 4 patterns in desire 1. Stable and low 2. Slight fluctuations and low 3. Moderate fluctuations 4. Highly fluctuating o On days where positive affect was high= lust was high and vice versa o High closeness days= high lust o Positive association between own lust and partners lust o Some sex gets dull as time goes on but some remain exciting o Parenthood= transition of sexual relationship o Pregnancy can influence sexual interactions o After birth intercourse is uncomfortable for the women o Estrogen low and vagina less lubricated o Years after childbirth just remains low o Avg age for first birth is 28 now and 24 in 60’s o Some choose to not have kids, some adopt o Usually 1 fundamental change in sexual experience over course of marriage Sex and 2-Career Family o Quality of work associated with sexual outcomes not the hours worked o Satisfying jobs= better sex o Fatigue for women associated with decrease sexual satisfaction o When both work 60-80 hours/week outside home not much time for sex o Quality sex needs quality time together Maintaining a Long-Term Relationship o 40% of marriages end in divorce o lower rate in the states o end of relationship= depression/psych distress o difference between non-distressed couples and distressed couples 1. Non-distressed= good listening/communication skills 2. Effective problem solving skills vs distressed= talk about it but never resolve so keep coming up 3. Positive interactions and few negative ones (5x as much positive) 4. Realistic expectations vs those who believe that people who are in love feel passionate about partner all the time for ex=unrealistic 5. Interpret partners behaviour an causes of behaviours positively ex f late for dinner assumes traffic not thoughtlessness 6. Common views of roles and responsibilities within relationship vs disagree on how involved in child care each should be o feelings of intimacy, love and equality are all important o conflict in marriage= leads to extradyadic sex o study on married couples less than one year how unlikely to be unfaithful they were o 37% of men and 38% =they would flirt o then kiss o then one night stant o less then that serious affair o among personality variables narcissism and impulsiveness gave higher liklihood, conflict, sexual withholding, alcohol abuse, dissatisfaction with marriage/marital sex o Mate Retention Tactics poss
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