1 Interpersonal Attraction & Love
October-17-11
7:06 PM
• Dean of Indiana University - sailed a boat from East coast of U.S. - 51 days later he arrived
in Ireland
o Very lonely
o
When asked if he would do it again he said no - too much of an ordeal - second
month loneliness was excruciating
• Around same time, psychologist at Columbia University offered students $50 a day to stay
in a room alone by themselves without any contact with the outside world
o No one lasted longer than 8 days
o
One student only 20 minutes
• Why are we not attracted to everybody?
INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION
Part 1: Specific Factors (text p. 247-280)
1.In initial encounters:
o Proximity
o Familiarity
o
Physical attractiveness
2.When getting acquainted:
o Reciprocal liking
o Similarity
Part 2: General Theories of Attraction
9.The Reinforcement-Affect Model
1.Rewards lead to positive affect (feelings); Punishments lead to negative affect
2.We'll like people who reward us and dislike people who punish us
But, that's not all:
3.We'll like/dislike people even when they don't cause our positive/negative feelings
--> they simply have to be present when we experience positive or negative affect!
(e.g., hot rooms; bad news; unpleasant music)
o The stranger was liked more in the room that was at a comfortable temperature;
stranger was liked less in the room that was uncomfortably hot
35. Social Exchange Theories o Focus explicitly on attraction in relationships
A relationship exists whenever people interact on a regular basis.
e.g., marriage, carpool, study group, professor and student
1.Satisfaction with a relationship depends on
o Rewards (what person "receives")
• Affection, intimacy, companionship, approval, sex
o Costs (what person "contributes")
• Time, effort, compromises, suffering (arguments), you can't date other
people
2.Rewards and Costs can be expressed in terms of a ratio: R/C
• Arguments of whether it should be expressed as a ration or as Rewards - Costs
• For our discussion, we're thinking about it in terms of a ratio
• It's nice to get as much out as we put in to a relationship
3.When rewards equal or exceed costs, we will be satisfied with the relationship
4.When costs exceed rewards, we will be dissatisfied
e.g., carpool
• Benefits vs. Costs
• Benefits: cheaper, friend to talk to, avoid crowded buses
• Costs: can't sleep in all the time, can't just leave after class
• If costs exceed rewards you will be dissatisfied with this relationship
• In the first 3 months of a relationship, costs aren't so important
• After 3 months, couple begin to be sensitive to both rewards and costs
(1) Equity Theory
• Considers rewards and costs of both people in the relationship
• "Equity" exists when one person's ratio of rewards to costs equals the other person's ratio of
rewards to costs
YOU YOUR PARTNER
Rewards/ 10/ 10/
Costs 10 10
YOU YOUR PARTNERR/C 1/1 1/1
• Note equity is not the same as equality
• That is, the actual rewards and costs don't have to be equal
• Only the ratio of rewards to costs has to be the same
YOU YOUR PARTNER
R/C 10/10 1/1
• Your rewards and costs are not equal to your partner's rewards and costs
• So you have 10x the rewards and costs
• But the ratios are equal
• Thus, this is an equitable relationship and should be satisfying
• "Inequity" exists when one person's ratio (of rewards to costs) does not equal the other
person's ratio
YOU YOUR PARTNER
R/C 2/8 8/2
• This is an inequitable relationship
• You are "under-benefited"
• Your partner is "over-benefited"
• Inequity makes the relationship unpleasant:
• Under-benefitted person feels "angry";
• Over-benefitted person feels "guilty"
• In either case, equity theory predicts that the people involved in the relationship will not be
satisfied with the relationship
• So, people will attempt to restore equity.
HOW?
• Attempt to alter the actual rewards/costs
• Who will do this?
•
The under-benefitted person is more likely to changes the actual
rewards/costs
• You might simply put less into the relationship
• Psychologically alter the perceived rewards/costs
• Who will do this?
• The over-benefitted person • In order to feel less guilty, will convince themselves that partner is really
putting that much into the relationship or that they're getting a lot more out of the
relationship than what they're saying
• What if equity can't be restored?
• Presumably, people will leave the relationship
(2) Interdependency Theory
• Satisfaction also depends on the ratio of rewards/costs that we expect to receive from out
relationship;
• Expectations can be base on:
Our own experiences in prior relationships,
What we know about others' relationships
--> The "Comparison Level" [CL]
• Different people can have different comparison levels:
• Consider Persons A, B and C
• Not in a relationship with each other
• But they are all currently in a relationship with somebody else
• All 3 of them are experiencing the same level of rewards/costs (5/5) - they're putting a
moderate amount in and they're getting a moderate amount; all in equitable relationships
A B C
Current R/C 5/5 5/5 5/5
Expected (CL) R/C 5/5 5/10 10/5
Ok Ok! Not Ok
• B doesn't usually get as much as they put in to their past relationships
• So should they be satisfied with their current relationship? B is exceeding their expected
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