October 4, 2011
- Avoid redundancies “young in age” “baby kitten”
- Use active constructions: convert passive to active; no expletives.
- “there were accusations from parents” = “Parents accused her…”
- Use parallel constructions
- “She was arrested by Marshall George Herrick, who, shackling her, drove her to Salem
Village for her trial” = “Marshall George Herrick shackled, arrested and drove her to
- Empty intensifier
- Unnecessarily wordy construction
Essay 2 (Movie Review)
- respond to other reviewers at certain points - but don’t review their review.
- have two paraphrases of an assertion made by other reviews and two quotations from each
- get evidence from details in the film
- dialogue, performances, direction, editing, genre (films that play with the conventions
of a genre)
- Look for the thesis of the reviews - what is the evidence that the writer gives in service of the
- Plot summary is for the intro only
- Little Miss Sunshine Review
- it doesn’t commit to a genre: dark comedy, satire, road movie of family
- timeworn convention: hollywood movie with “family is important” moral
- Steve Carell’s performance
- character development
- ironic: dark comedy with conservative values. It doesn’t fully commit to the dark
comedy genre because of its Hollywood cliches.
- evidence for judgements:
- gives gas station scene and talking to Olive scene as examples of Carrel’s good
- He doesn’t talk about specific evidence in each paragraph.
- assumes that satire is supposed to treat objects with exaggeration and be “dark”.
assumes that its the darkest bl