Attraction & Relationships: The Basics
Is there a pattern to relationship development?
• Yes: According to Levinger (1975)
• A: Acquaintanceship
• B: BuildUp
• C: Continuation
• D: Deterioration
• E: Ending
• During Acquaintanceship, stage of infatuation (68 months). We wear rose
What are the best predictors of relationship success?
• Defining success
• Longevity isn’t necessarily success
• 4 main issues (see research by Gottman)
o Respectful Perception
o Constant communication
o Unfailing commitment
o Compete trust
• Do opposites attract or are similar people most likely to be attracted to each other?
o Opposites do not attract! (Perhaps superficially, but that’s all)
o Similarity is one of the most highly predictive variables in relationship
development and continuation (Berscheid & Walster, 1972)
What else leads to attraction?
• Propinquity (physical proximity)
• Similarity in values and attitudes
• Similarity in background and goals
• Matching in terms of looks!
Do relationships last longer if people are friends first?
• Relationship development and length are independent of pervious
acquaintanceship • However, consistent interactions can help create relationships
How do we know whether it is love or lust?
• We get the two confused all the time!
• Falling in love isn’t love; it cant be because we don’t really know the other
• Love takes time to develop – but it doesn’t mean that “falling” in love part
Are there different types of love?
• Yes! Lots of research on this issues, and many different models of love
• Sternberg (1988) Triarchic model of love including
o Each person’s commitment to another is a mix of these three components
• Hatfield (1988) differentiates between passionate and companionate love
o Passionate: intense turmoil, emotion and passion, highly sexualized
o Companionate: Affection, care and trust. Safe and reliable.
o You don’t have to have one or the other, you can have a bit of both
How do you know when it’s Mr. (MS.