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Research Essay Feedback.doc

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Boston College
ENGL 1010
Elaine Tarutis

Draft Title & Author: Video Games: Positive or Negative Effect?, Chantz Feedback from Professor Tarutis F EEDBACK ON R ESEARCH D RAFT The purpose of a research essay is to inform, to engage and entertain, and to formulate your own opinions based on the information you’ve gathered. 1. Lead: Does it make you want to keep reading? Does it give you some sense of what the essay will be about? Any suggestion to make it more effective? Your current 1 paragraph is too general. Try starting w/something specific – perhaps a scene of you & your brother playing video games. Then you could use your current 1 paragraph as the 2 paragraph. 2. Quotations: Does writer identify who the people being quoted are? Are quotations smoothly integrated into the text (by a signal phrase or colon)? Any dropped quotes? Overall, used fairly well. Check for “dropped” quotes (CR calls them “hanging” quotes) – there is one on page 4. Quotes need to be blended with words of your OWN. You should explain who Eleni Kardaras is BEFORE you quote her on page 5. 3. Personal Experience: Is the writer’s personal experience included in the essay? Is it effective? Any suggestions? Not very much. You should add more throughout the essay. This will also help make the essay sound more conversational (see #9 below). 4. Opinions: Are the writer’s own opinions and views on the topic developed, or is the whole essay based on what others think and say? Not very much. You need to add more. Try to weave in your analysis, comments and views throughout the essay. As with adding more personal experience, this will help the essay sound more conversational (see #9 below). 5. Ending: Is the ending satisfying? Do you have any unanswered questions you wish the writer had answered? As is, it’s too general. The information in your current ending paragraph is okay, but try to end with something specific. Don’t forget how effective the diamond structure is. Draft Title & Author: Video Games: Positive or Negative Effect?, Chantz Feedback from Professor Tarutis
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