PS251, Lec 12, Ex. 3 11/18/2013
*15 mins late.
Real: Believed depression was a woman’s disorder. Men cover it up with anger, called masking or
When females reach out and say they’re depressed, they get support. Men associate depression with a the
stigma of “I don’t want to talk about it”.
Chodorow and Giligan realized men and women are socialized in different ways.
Noted how ineffective couple’s therapy is because of neutrality.
Whenever there’s two people, there’s three sides of the story, his version, her version, and the truth.
Functional couples or healthy couples with them neutrality will work.
Doesn’t work in cases of domestic violence or dysfunctional couples. When someone is
abusing their partner, you cant be neutral.
Has a modified take on our culture. Most cultures are patriarchal. Patriarchal societies disconnect
their men and “injure” them early. Be a man. Suck it up. Women also injured and lose their voice later.
Taught how to fall in love but not how to stay in love.
There are love addicts and love avoiders.
Love addicts: believe that relationships are one person. Not. Two organisms with separate values and
separate thoughts. Communication must happen. Assume other person knows everything. They crumble
when their significant other leaves.
Love avoiders: look relational, but when you tell them you like them and they disappear.
3 rings of patriarchy:
The great divide: men and women are capable of everything. We divide everything between men and
women however. Pink is girl, blue is boy. Vulnerability is girl, strength is boy. We value more masculine traits
than we do feminine ones. We’d rather have strength, independence, and individuality. Dance of contempt: we pretend that we value equality and talk about it but in practice it’s not the
truth. “Preach but not practice”.
Code of silence: we don’t talk about it.
We need new ways of thinking. Redefines intimacy: sharing thoughts, feelings, physical closeness,
spirituality, and sexuality.
Physical Closeness: Long distance relationships are less likely to succeed. When fighting there’s less
of a presence to make things work. But they can work. In distance, have to maintain the closeness and
3 stages of love:
(1) Love without knowledge: know there’s negative behavior