Social Psych - Class #19.docx

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Communication Sciences and Disorders
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David Shim

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Class Notes: November 26, 2012 Terry Real’s New Paradigm  Redefine “intimacy” (common idea was that intimacy = sex) - thoughts - feelings - physical closeness - spirituality - sexuality  Three stages of love 1) Love without knowledge = falling in love 2) Knowledge without love = disillusionment 3) Mature love = working at your relationship past differences (50% of couples don’t reach this level)  Three levels of “daily related”-ness (cycle) 1) Harmony 2) Disharmony 3) Repair – learned, not understood naturally Treatment  “Wife-mandated referrals” = Glass ceiling-type effect where the woman has no voice and has to see all of the stuff that the husband does without him knowing what is going on  Pre-conditions for intimacy (couples/intimacy work not possible without these in place) 1) Manage psychiatric disorders = make sure each person is mentally healthy 2) No acting out (safety) = no violence, no affairs/escaping 3) No substance abuse  Create safe space to be intimate in - men need to learn to be relational (not boomerang) - women need to learn to speak directly Relationship Practice  Neutrality does not work - No “nurse it along” tactic (taking both sides solves nothing) - Change it to “move the fucker along” tactic (work through problems)  Choose sides – usually with the female (position) first because she knows what is going on (Dance of Contempt & Code of Silence; losing “voi
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