CFT 412 Lecture Notes - Lecture 18: Five Freedoms, Congruence (Geometry)

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Class 18: June 4
Relationship to Self:
Parts of Congruence
An appreciation of the uniqueness of self
A free flow of personal and interpersonal energy•The claiming
of personhood
A willingness to trust oneself and others
A willingness to take risks and to be vulnerable•The use of one’s
inner and outer resources
An openness to intimacy
The freedom to be oneself and to accept others•A love of oneself
and others
Flexibility and openness to change
Process of Congruent Communication
What do I hear and see?
What meaning do I make of what I hear and see?
What feelings do I have about the meaning I make?
What feelings do I have about these feelings?
What defenses do I use?
What rules for commenting do I use?
The Five Freedoms
The freedom to see and hear what is here, instead of what should
be, was, or will be
The freedom to say what you feel and think, instead of what you
The freedom to feel what you feel, instead of what you ought
The freedom to ask for what you want, instead of always waiting
for permission
The freedom to take risks on your own behalf, instead of
choosing to be only “secure” and not rocking the boat
Low Self-Esteem
I want to be loved
Rigid, judgmental
Motivated by family rules and “shoulds”
Externally defined, defensive, suppress feelings
Past focused, wants to maintain status quo
High Self-Esteem
I am loved by self and others
Validated, empowered, confident
• Aware of choices and responsibility
Accepting of self and others, trusting, honest, accepting of
feelings, wholeness, and humanness, willing to risk the
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