CMN 120 Lecture Notes - Lecture 5: Social Exchange Theory, Peer Pressure

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8 Mar 2017
Lecture 5 - 2/6 Friendship/Social Exchange Theory
- friendships are built on same blocks as romantic relationships -
similarities and differences
I) The Nature of Friendships
Friendship = a voluntary, personal relationship, typically providing intimacy
and assistance, in which the two parties like one another and seek each other’s
Typically are PEERS (similar amount of control/power as you do); we
choose who we are friends with
People only become friends if there is social attraction
Voluntary = we choose who we are friends with
Not Arbitrary
Costs and Rewards = social exchange theory
Takes work - communication; maintenance
A. Attributes/Charactersitics of friends (SEVEN)
1. Acceptance = we want our friends to accept us for who we are and
what we do
2. Support = providing things for us when we need assistance
3. Enjoyment = we want friends we’ll enjoy having a good time with
4. Caring = similar to support & acceptance
a. value & care about us
b. Care doesn’t mean support - can care without providing support
c. Ex: I may care that you’re stressed out (like be worried for you), but can’t
do anything to help you
5. Trust = closer you become w/ ppl, the more you self-disclose
. Disclosure makes you more vulnerable; shows trustworthiness
6. Equality
. rewards & costs should be the same for both friends
7. Authenticity
. No fake friends
B. Differences between friendship and love (TWO)
1) Less complex feelings (more intense feelings when in love)
- Liking (friendship) vs. love (romantic relationship)
- Love is more complex than being just friends with someone
2) Less stringent standards and obligations
- there’s less expectation of loyalty in friends, but there’s much
higher expectations for romantic relationships
- romantic relationship is harder to dissolve than friendship (easier
to end friendship than it is to end relationship)
- being friends lack of overt expressions of positive emotion (less
kissing, hugging, etc)
- friends are less exclusive (allowed to have more than one friend)
C. Similarities between friendship and love (FIVE)
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1) Respect = the more we respect one another, the more satisfied we
are in a relationship
- Helps if we have similar moral standards that are consistent to
each other
2) Trust = we assume that our friend or romantic partner is going to
take our best interest at heart
- If trust is broken, there is a betrayal & it is very corrosive to a
relationship we become guarded/cautious (problematic)
3) Responsiveness = we want friends that are interested in our
thoughts and perspectives
- make us feel valued, appreciated, provides attention
- demonstrating responsiveness generates intimacy & promotes
4) Capitalization = get excited about our successes; capitalizing on
friends to feel better on ourselves enhances our happiness
- Ex: announcing ur engagement to friends & they get super excited
for you
5) Social Support = someone that steps up and gives you help in times
of need (THREE WAYS)
- Leads to better health, better relationships
- multiple types of social support - not mutually exclusive
Emotional support = emotional reassurance;
acceptance, affection
Advice support = gives guidance/advice on what you
should do differently
Material support = physical/tangible things that
provides you support (Ex: money, car)
- the best people to give good social support is to securely
attached individuals
- different ppl want different types of social support
- Ex: “It’s not about the nail” girl wanted emotional support
even tho guy provided advice support
- Affinity-seeking strategies Bell & Daly (1984) (ELEVEN)
- based on what ppl think makes them attractive, what ppl think makes
others like them, & what ppl think makes others feel positive toward them
o Be of Help to Others (Altruism)
unselfishness; helps increase your likeness from other ppl
Be willing to help & provide things
o Appear in Control
Decisiveness, knowing what we want, not a flake
Ppl tend to like you more if you have control over your life
o Present Self as Socially Equal
don’t try to one-up others
o Present Self as Comfortable with Others
Awkwardness is less attractive
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