• “60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so
that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth.”
o Will Smith in Hitch
• Nonverbal = basic interpersonal attitude, emotion or relationship towards the person.
o Compliments: Helps convey full meaning of what we say.
o Substitutes: Can communicate how we feel without words, to someone who reads
o Regulate: Trailing off indicates other may speak.
o Contradict: “No, I’m NOT angry.” People believe nonverbal first, if they aren’t
the same message.
▪ There is no such thing as not communicating!
• Can indicate interest & attention.
• Where we sit (proximity) indicates levels of intimacy.
• Moving away indicates desire to terminate conversation.
• Moving closer usually one exchanges cues to avoid chance of rejection.
• Cultures differ in degree of acceptable closeness.
• Eyes are the window into a person’s soul; they show emotion, feelings, & expression!
• In Western countries, eye contact shows respect. However, in Eastern countries looking
someone of authority in the eyes is considered disrespectful.
• Shows a person you’re interested.
• Eye contact can show someone you appreciate them and you understand them.
Body Orientation & Posture
• Tap fingers
• Lifted eyebrow
• Rub nose or pull on ear
• Sweating palms, white knuckles
• Folded arms
• Swinging or crossing legs
• Wringing hands, kicking ground
• Steeple hands
• Feet on desk
• Communication is a 2-part process to exchange information:
○ 1st the message must be sent
○ 2nd the message must be received & understood
• Wondering, assuming and guessing what others feel or think, makes disaster. • In order to have meaningful relationships (dates, friends, family, employment) it is
essential to have effective communication.
o Interrupting – breaking into the conversation, not giving the other a chance to
o Endless fighting – bring up things from the past & never resolving things.
o Character assassination – name calling, belittling, insulting remarks.
o Calling in reinforcements – involve outsiders to support you.
o Withdrawal – leave, indifference, silent treatment.
o Need to be right – refusal to admit their part in the problem.
• Necessary after self disclosure.
o Provides constructive info about consequences of someone’s behavior towards
o Which do you think would work best?
▪ Remain silent?