SOC 2805 Lecture Notes - Lecture 14: Physical Strength
You-Messages
• Make people feel guilty
• Can be interpreted as blame, put downs, criticism and rejections.
• Communicate a lack of respect for others.
• Often cause reactive or retaliatory behavior.
• Damage the recipient's self-esteem.
• Cause resistance rather the openness to change.
• Can make a person fell hurt, the resentful.
• Are often perceived as punitive.
• You-Messages
• Contain 2 major obstacles that severely inhibit communication and problem solving:
o People don’t like to be told what to do, or what not to do. They prefer to self-
initiate change when it becomes apparent that their behavior is not productive for
them.
• When the finger of blame is pointed, it communicates that they should feel guilty and
awful.
• “You are such a bum! All you ever do is watch football. Would it kill you to help out
around the house?”
• “You kids are out of control! You never listen to mommy!”
• “Look at this mess you made! You are such a slob! Now I’m going to have to clean it
up.”
Feeling Words
Angry
Irritated
Annoyed
Offended
Frustrated
Confused
Worried
Crushed
Upset
Distrustful
Uncertain
Hesitant
Perplexed
Helpless
Fearful
Frightened
Apprehensive
Terrified
Panicky
Alarmed
Shocked
Horrified
Impatient
Nervous
Anxious
Pressured
Worried
Doubtful
Hesitant
Scared
Threatened
Torn
Envious
Jealous
Distant
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Document Summary
They prefer to self- initiate change when it becomes apparent that their behavior is not productive for them: when the finger of blame is pointed, it communicates that they should feel guilty and, you are such a bum! Would it kill you to help out: you kids are out of control! You never listen to mommy! : look at this mess you made! Now i"m going to have to clean it awful. around the house? up. Step 1- passive listening: oh, um, hush are passive listening comments, they are short and non-judgmental, their only purpose is to inform the speaker that you are still listening. Step 2- encourage questions: something seems to be bothering you, want to talk about it? . If someone is not verbally speaking but you know something is wrong, then ask a question to encourage them and reassure them it is safe to speak.
