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Lecture 15

HDFS 2300 Lecture Notes - Lecture 15: Gaslighting, Nonverbal Communication, Double Bind

Human Development and Family Studies
Course Code
HDFS 2300
Louisa Baker

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Tannen Cont.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
12:26 PM
Denying conflict
o Anger instead
Drinking, gossiping, eating
o Passive aggression
Angry at partner, lash out on kid
More power over kid than partner
o Devitalized marriage
Distance/emotional divorce
We were once strong, and now we are distant from each other
Alienating practices
o Fight evading
Seeks to avoid
Withdrawal creates distance
Claim do not want to hurt partner
Like I do not trust you enough to have this conversation with you
o Gunnysacking
Store up problems and dump them all at once
Holding resentments until they explode
Fight about everything that has gone wrong in the last six months
o Kitchen-sink fights
The fighters bring up any issue they can think of
Just so they can "score points"
o Mixed or double messages
Simultaneous, contradicting
May be verbal, nonverbal, or both (paradoxical messages)
Senders may be unaware
Double bind
How are you doing? I'm fine.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't
o Gaslighting
Needing to be right in order to preserve your own sense of self and
Example 1
If an abusive person says hurtful things and makes you cry, instead
of apologizing and taking responsibility, starts recommending
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