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Lecture 22

HDFS 2300 Lecture Notes - Lecture 22: Conflict Management

Human Development and Family Studies
Course Code
HDFS 2300
Louisa Baker

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Conflict in Marriage
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
12:37 PM
Surface areas of conflict
o Lack of quality time as a couple
o Real or perceived unfair division of labor
o Disagreements about child rearing
o Sexual dissatisfaction
o Finances and resource allocation
o Relationships with families of origin
o Childhood trauma
Underlying sources of conflict
o Role expectations
Who does what?
How do we talk about that? Or not?
Do these expectations change?
o Competing needs for connectedness and separateness
Individual and group needs
o Fairness and equity
American culture emphasis
Dynamics of conflict management
o Conflict doesn't have to be bad
Can be helpful for the relationship
o Development of conflict management skills
Occurs within the relationship (evolving over time), taken from previous
relationships, informed by family of origin, other sources (therapy,
media, friends)
Conflict management goals
o Maintaining intimacy
o Eliminating conflict
Can manifest as conflict denial, avoidance, and repression of anger
Patterns of pseudomutuality can occur
Pretending we are fine and there are no problems
Authentic to goal of maintaining intimacy
o Winning at all costs
Not good for health of relationship
o Meaning making process
Assigning significance to partner's behavior
o Understanding conflict in a way to assign blame or causality
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