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Skilled helper ch 4-13 (1).docx

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Dalhousie University
NURS 4050

You’ll have to read chapters 1, 2 and 3 on your own. Most of chapter 2 relates to the stages of the model so that info is already in the table Happy Studying! *********************************** Chapter 4 Communication: the Skills of Tuning In and Actively Listening to Clients (Chapter 3 in Trish‟s book) THE IMPORTANCE OF DIALOGUE There are 4 requirements for true dialogue: 1. Turn taking a. You talk, then I talk b. Monologues don‟t add value (rambling not helpful) c. Turn taking = mutual learning = appropriate interventions d. Allows clients to understand themselves and their concerns more fully e. Can learn how to challenge their problems 2. Connecting a. What each person says in the conversation should be connected in some way to what the other person has just said b. Helps make session productive 3. Mutual influencing a. Echoes the social influence dimension of helping (see ch. 3 (4 in Trish‟s book)) b. Helpers need to be open minded and help their clients be open to new learning 4. Co-creating outcomes a. In true dialogue neither party should know exactly what the outcome will be otherwise it means one person has already made up their mind (that‟s the difference between a conversation and a dialogue) b. Only clients can help themselves whereas helpers facilitate change through effective dialogue VISIBLY TUNING IN: THE IMPORTANCE OF EMPATHIC PRESENCE Nonverbal Behaviours  Visibly tuning in can help clients with poor communication engage in dialogue  Non-verbal behaviors regulate conversation, communicate emotions, modify verbal messages, provide messages about the helping relationship, give insights into self-perceptions and provide clues that people are not saying what they are thinking.  See page 96 (p 75 in Trish‟s book) for a list of non-verbal behaviours  Helpers need to learn to “read the language” of non-verbal behavior  Part of listening is being sensitive to clients reactions to your behavior  Non-verbal behaviours will be phony if not backed up with respect and empathy Guidelines for visibly tuning in (SOLER) S: Face the client squarely  It says I‟m here with you; I‟m available to you  If, for any reason, facing the client squarely is too threatening, an angled position might be more helpful  adopt an open posture O: Open posture  open posture = open minded L: Lean forward  leaning in shows you‟re interested but if you lean in too far it can be intimidating and leaning too far bad can show disinterest E: Eye contact  don‟t stare but don‟t look away  be culturally aware R: Be relaxed or natural in these behaviours  no fidgeting or engaging in distracting actions (the client may wonder what‟s making you nervous  be comfortable in using your body as a vehicle to communicate Therapeutic use of silence  if you‟re being quiet, non-verbals have to be superb  is client comfortable with silence  silence is not the same as no response nor is it the absence of communication  See ch 5 (not in Trish‟s book)  Helper must dampen down his/her own anxiety about what to say verbally and just attend to client ACTIVE LISTENING: THE FOUNDATION OF UNDERSTANDING Full listening means listening actively, accurately and for meaning Inadequate listening Non-listening  AKA tuning out Partial listening  Skimming the surface the helper picks up bits and pieces but not the essential points the client is making  Can be worse than non-listening because it has air of pretense about it. It‟s phony. Tape-recorder listening  Simply listening to the words is not enough, it is important to listen to the message the client is conveying Rehearsing  Don‟t rehearse how you are going to respond to the client or you will stop listening  It‟s better to pause when the client is finished talking to take time to mull over what the client has said in order to come up with an appropriate response Empathic listening: listening to clients’ stories and their search for solutions Carl Rogers (1980) refers to empathic listening as:  being with and understanding the other  Selfless because you have to put aside your own concerns  Empathic listening leads to empathic responding Focused listening:  experiences, thoughts, behaviours, and affect  listening at its best is both focused and unbiased  See bullet points ch 4 p. 104 (p 84 in Trish‟s book) Listening to clients’ experiences  client experiences often dwell on how other people are at fault  problem management can be hindered if clients see themselves as victim or are too passive  sometimes people really are victims and they need help to cope and manage problems through change  some people will talk about their experiences as a way to avoid responsibility Listening to clients thoughts and patterns of thinking  Clients‟ points of view: a personal estimation of something  Points of view reveal client‟s beliefs, values, attitudes and convictions  Sometimes we need discern which are relevant to their problem situations or undeveloped opportunities  Sometimes we need to challenge their point of view because that is what is keeping them in the problem  Client‟s intentions, proposals and plans o All of these are a window into how the client is thinking  Client‟s decisions o Commands instructions and hints are, in a way, decisions about other people‟s behaviour o Decisions are more than a point of view, it says the client has made up their mind o Sometimes decisions need challenging, a dialogue with the client about the reasons for the decision and a review of it‟s implications are possible roots for challenge Listening to clients’ behaviours and patterns of behaviour  sometimes it‟s easier for a person to talk about their experiences than their behaviours likely because they can‟t talk about behaviours without bringing up issues of personal responsibility  see bullets Ch.4, p. 108 (p. 87, in Trish‟s book) Listening to the client’s feelings, emotions and moods  feelings, emotions and moods are an important part of the clients‟ problem situations and undeveloped opportunities  recognizing key feelings, emotions and moods (or lack thereof) is very important for at least three reasons: o they pervade our lives o they greatly affect the quality of our lives o they are drivers of our behaviour or action dispositions o emotions highlight learning opportunities  see bullets ch 4, p 109 (p. 89 in Trish‟s book)  negative emotions receive more attention than positive emotions  clients often express feelings without talking about them (nonverbals)  clients‟ stories, points of view, decisions, are permeated by feelings, emotions, and moods  it‟s our job to listen for meaning, affect, etc Listening for strengths, opportunities and resources  if you listen only for problems you will end up talking mainly about problems. And you will short-change your clients.  We need to help spot resources and help clients invest these resources in managing problem situations and opportunities  Help clients develop strengths that they have been failing to use up to this point Listening to clients’ nonverbal messages and modifiers  don‟t distort the client‟s nonverbal messages  nonverbal behaviour can punctuate or modify verbal communication in the following ways: o Confirming or repeating o Denying or confusing o Strengthening or emphasizing o Adding intensity o Controlling or regulating  don‟t dissect nonverbals, but merely noticing them is not enough  key to understanding nonverbal behaviour is the context in which they take place Putting it all together:  Listening to the client‟s integrated narrative  developing frameworks for listening can help you zero in on the key messages your clients are communicating and help you identify and understand the feelings, emotions and moods that go with them. PROCESSING WHAT YOU HEAR: THE THOUGHTFUL SEARCH FOR MEANING What thoughtful processing looks like: Identify key messages and feelings  If the helper thinks that everything the client says is key, then nothing is key  You can use the listening framework (p. 113 bullets, p. 95 in Trish‟s book) to help clarify key points Understand clients through context  people are more than the sum of their verbal and nonverbal messages  important to interpret the clients‟ nonverbal behaviour in the context of the entire helping session and essential to help clients understand their stories, points of view, and messages and the emotions that permeate them thought the wider context of their lives  all the things that make people different provide context for the clients‟ problems and unused opportunities  The context-stage-approach-style model assists helpers to think about their clients in context o Context  Deals with background and the circumstances of the client‟s life  How do circumstances effect the way the client deals with problems and opportunities o Stage  Refers to developmental stage  What age related psychosocial tasks/challenges is the client facing and how does the way he goes about these tasks effect the problem or opportunity o Approach  Refers to the clients approach to coming to know and make sense of the world around him/her  How does the client construct meaning or determine what is important and what is right o Style  Refers to personality  How does the clients personality style and temperament effect her understanding of herself and her approach to the world Hearing the slant or spin: tough minded listening and processing  The kind of listening needed to explore issues more deeply and identify blind spots that need challenging  Clients versions of feelings themselves, others, the world are real but sometimes distorted  Tough minded listening includes: o Detecting gaps, distortions, and dissonance that are part of the clients experiences reality o Don‟t have to challenge the client as soon as you hear distortion simply note them and choose key ones to challenge at an appropriate time Musing on what’s missing  Clients often leave out key elements when discussing problems and opportunities  Having a framework for listening can help you spot what‟s missing  As you listen it is important to note what they put in and what they leave out o i.e. own behaviors and feelings  You don‟t have to go on a search for the hidden stuff  If you know what full versions of stories, points of view and messages look like then it‟ll be easy to know what parts are missing. Then use your clinical judgment to determine whether or not to ask about the missing parts LISTENING TO ONESELF: THE HELPER’S INTERNAL CONVERSATION  To be an effective helper, you need to listen not only to the client but also to your „internal conversation‟  It is important to not become self preoccupied but by listen to your internal conversation you may be able to identify what might be standing in the way of being with and listening to the client.  It is a positive form of self-consciousness  Listening to oneself can help one interact with clients better  See bullets on p. 117  Helping clients move key points from their internal conversations into the helping dialogue is a key task THE SHADOW SIDE OF LISTENING TO CLIENTS Forms of distorted listening  The following stand in the way of the kind of open-minded listening and processing for real dialogue… Filtered listening  It is impossible to listen to other people in a completely unbiased way  Through socialization we develop a variety of filters through which we listen to ourselves, others and the world around us  Culture designates what we pay attention to and what we ignore  Prejudices, whether conscious or not, distort understanding  Helpers are tempted to pigeonhole clients for many reasons therefore self-knowledge on the part of the helper is essential. This includes ferreting out the biases and prejudices that distort listening. Evaluative listening  Most people, even when listening attentively, listen evaluatively (they are judging what the other person is saying as good/bad, right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable, etc.)  Evaluative listening gives way to giving advice o Clients should first be understood, then, if necessary, challenged or helped to challenge themselves.  There are productive forms of evaluative listening  It is possible to set one‟s judgment aside for the time being in the interest of understanding clients, their worlds, their stories, their points of view, and their decisions “from the inside.” Stereotype-based listening  Labels we put on people can militate against empathic understanding.  Helpers forget that at times their label are interpretations rather than understandings of their clients.  You can be “correct” in your diagnosis ad still lose the person  Make sure the client remains in the forefront of your attention and that models and theories about clients remain knowledge that remains in the background and is used only in the interest of understanding and helping this unique client Fact-centered rather than person-centered listening  It‟s possible to collect facts but miss the person  The antidote is to listen to clients contextually, trying to focus on themes and key messages (i.e. pessimistic explanatory style)  Focus on themes worth exploring Sympathetic listening  Sometimes feelings of sympathy are strong enough to distort the stories that clients are telling  The use of sympathy is limited in helping as it often leads to taking sides, becoming the client‟s accomplice, reinforcing self-pity, and has a way of driving out problem-managing action Interrupting  When we interrupt we stop listening  Interrupters often say things that they have been rehearsing, which means that they have only been partially listening  Benign interrupting o when interrupting promotes the kind of dialogue that serves the problem-management process. This kind of interrupting is useful  Malignant forms of interrupting o Cuts off client in mid-thought because he has something important to say  Tuning in to clients and listening both actively and with an open mind are foundation helping skills. Ignore them and dialogue is impossible. Myths about nonverbal behaviour See list on p. 120 THE SHADOW SIDE OF COMMUNICATION SKILLS – PART 1  Interpersonal communication competence is critical for effective everyday living but according to Egan is forgotten by society  Most people rate the importance of these sets of skills very highly but we live in a society that leaves their development to chance.  Nothing is done systematically to make sure our kids learn these skills  Most kids are exposed to poor communicators than good ones  It‟s not enough to just know how to communicate, you have to know how to help (directed specifically to helpers)  Most people would rate themselves as above average communicators but the benchmark for average is woefully low *********************************** Chapter 5 Communicating Empathy: Working Hard at Understanding Clients RESPONDING SKILLS: SHARING UNDERSTANDING AND CHACKING ACCURACY  Helpers listen to clients to understand them and respond to them.  The logic of listening includes: active listening, tuning in, processing what is heard contextually, identifying key ideas/messages  Listening is a very active process that serves understanding  When helpers both understand and accurately communicate their understanding they help their clients understand themselves, their problem situation, their unused opportunities THE THREE DIMENSIONS OF RESPONDING SKILLS: PERCEPTIVENESS, KOW-HOW, AND ASSERTIVENESS Perceptiveness  Feeling empathy for others is not helpful if the helper‟s percepttions are not accurate.  Empathy accuracy is the ability to accurately infer specific content of another person‟s thoughts/feelings.  Weave perceptions into dialogues with clients by sharing empathic highlights  Responding skills are only as good as the accuracy of perceptions on which they are based  Perceptiveness for helping comes from basic intelligence, social intelligence, experience, reflection, wisdom, tuning in to clients, objectively processing what clients say  Perceptiveness is part of social emotional maturity. Know-how  Once you are aware of the type of response needed, you need to be able to deliver it.  It does little good if you don‟t know how to translate your perceptions and your understanding into words Assertiveness  Accurate perceptions and excellent know-how are meaningless if they remain locked up inside you – make them part of the dialogue  If you fail to share a hunch with a client, you do not pass the assertiveness test.  To be assertive without perceptiveness and know-how can be disastrous (you‟ll just sound like an asshole) SHARING EMPATHIC HIGHLIGHTS: COMMUNICATING UNDERSTANDING TO CLIENTS The Basic Formula  Basic empathic understanding can be expressed in the following stylized formula: o You feel…[here name the correct emotion expressed by the client] because …[here indicate the correct thoughts, experiences, and behaviours that give rise to the feelings].  This formula focuses on the key points of the clients‟ stories together with feelings, moods, emotions associated with them. o Ex/ you feel bad, not so much because of the pain, but because your ability to get around – your freedom – has been curtailed. o Ex/ you feel furious because he keeps failing to hold up his end of the bargain.  The key elements of an empathic highlight are the same elements that make up a client‟s story: thoughts, experiences, behaviours and feelings Respond Accurately to Client’s’ Feelings Emotions, and Moods  Respond to clients‟ emotions in such a way that you move the helping proves forward.  Identify key emotions (perceptiveness), weave them into the dialogue (know-how), even if they are sensitive or part of a messy situation (assertiveness) Use the right family of emotions and the right intensity  In the basic highlight formula, “you feel…” should be followed by the correct family of emotions and the correct intensity: o Family  The statements “you feel hurt”/ “you feel relived” /“you feel enthusiastic” specify different families of emotion. o Intensity  The statements “you feel annoyed” / “you feel angry” / “you‟re furious” specify different degrees of intensity and the same family (the anger family) Distinguish between expressed and discuss feelings  Clients express emotions they are feeling during the interview and talk about emotions they felt at eh time of some incident  Clients don‟t always name their feelings. If they express emotion, it is part of the message and needs to be identified and understood. Be sensitive in naming emotions  Naming and discussing feelings and emotions threaten some clients  It might be better to focus on thoughts, experiences, behaviors, and proceed only gradually to a discussion of feelings.  Be sensitive to client feelings, but don‟t tip toe around too much or you will not serve them well  Contextual listening is part of social intelligence Use different ways to share highlights about feelings and emotions  Communicate feelings in a variety of ways: o Single word  You feel… good, depressed, abandoned o A phrase  You‟re sitting on top of the world o Experiential statement  You feel like hugging him (implied emotion: joy) o Behavioral statement  You feel you‟re going to get caught (implied feeling: fear) Neither overemphasize or underemphasize feelings, emotions, mood  The best defense against either extreme is to link feelings, emotions and mood to the thoughts, experiences and behaviours that give rise to them Respond Accurately to the Key Experiences, Thoughts, and Behaviours in Clients’ Stories  Key experiences, thoughts, behaviours give rise to feelings, emotions, and moods  The “because…” in the empathic highlight formula is to be followed by an indication of the experiences, thoughts, and behviours that underlie the clients‟ feelings.  Example: o Clients: you know why he got an A? Because he stole my notes and I didn‟t even get a chance to study them. And I didn‟t even confront him about it. o Helper: you feel doubly angry because not only did he steal our notes, but you let him get away with it.  The response specifies both the client‟s experience (the theft) and his behavior (failure to act). His anger is directed at his classmate and himself.  When clients announce key decisions to do something, it is important to recognize the core message PRINCIPLES FOR SHARING EMPATHIC HIGHLIGHTS Use empathic highlights at every stage and in every task of the helping process  Helping process: o Stage 1: problem clarification and opportunity identification o Stage 2: evaluating goal options o Stage 3: choosing actions to accomplish goals o The action arrow: implementation issues  Sharing highlights is: a relationship builder, conversational lubricant (ew), a perception-checking intervention, and mild form of social influence.  It is always useful!  It is never wrong to let clients know you are trying to see things from their perspective  Clients who feel they are understood are more active in the helping process  It builds trust and paves the way for stringer interventions such as challenging Respond selectively to core client messages  Sometimes we can only focus on experiences or actions or feelings rather than all three - respond to the most urgent one Respond to the context, not just the words  Context: everything that surrounds and permeates what the clients says  You listen to clients in the context of their lives, so context modifies everything the client says  If applicable, challenge clients as to ether they want to remain victims of their environment Use highlights as a mild social-influence process  Helpers believe that the messages they select for attention are core primarily because they are core for the client. But helpers also believe that certain messages should be important for the client  “Let me get this straight” is a kind of empathic highlight form of challenge. It hits the mark because the client pulls himself up short. Be careful not to put words in the client‟s mouth Use highlights to stimulate movement in the helping process  Sharing highlights is only useful if it moves the client forward.  To “move forward” depends on the stage or task in focus: o Stage 1: if it helps them explore a problem situation or undeveloped opportunity o Stage 2: if it helps them identify and explore possibilities for a better future, craft/commit to an agenda o Stage 3: if it helps them clarify action strategies, choose specific things to do, set up a plan. o Action arrow: if it helps them identify obstacles to action, overcome them, and accomplish goals  Sharing highlights that hits the mark puts pressure on clients to move forward  Highlights are part of the social-influence process Recover from inaccurate understanding  Sharing highlights is a perception-checking tool. If the helper‟s response is accurate, the client tends to confirm its accuracy in 2 ways: o 1. By verbal or nonverbal indication “that‟s right” / “exactly” o 2. By moving forward in the helping process. Ex, by clarifying the problem situation  If the helper responds by sharing a highlight it leads to the next cycle – eg further clarification, goal setting, whatever the next step is.  When a response is inaccurate, the clients lets the helper know in different ways: o May stop dead o May go off on a tangent o May try to help helper get back on track  Be sensitive to all these clues. If you are intent on helping, clients will not be put off by occasional inaccuracies  See figure 5-1, pg. 141 Use empathic highlights as a way of bridging diversity gaps  Sharing highlights tells ppl you are a learner – especially if you differ from the client in significant ways  Empathic listening can also be called “cultural role taking”  It is important to confirm understanding when dealing with clients from different cultures – you can‟t feel understanding here, you have to verbalize it.  Empathic communication can ensure client doesn‟t get lost in the system and makes it more likely client will follow through with plans TACTICS FOR COMMUNICATING HIGHLIGHTS AND IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF YOUR RESPONSE Give yourself time to think  Experts pause and allow themselves to assimilate what the client is saying Use short responses  The helping process works best when we engage the client in dialogue rather than give speeches or allow the client to ramble  Responses should be frequent, clean, and trim. o Do to this, ask yourself: “what is the core of what this person is saying to me?” Gear your responses to the client, but remain yourself  This means that part of being with the client is haring in a reasonable way in his/her emotional tone  But also do not adopt a language that is not your own just to be on client‟s wavelength. An older person using “hip” language sounds ridiculous THE SHADOW SIDE OF SHARING HIGHLIGHTS Some helpers are shitty communicators without even knowing it. The following should be avoided: No response  If the client says something significant, respond to it. Even briefly.  Silence can be therapeutic but not if client has just said something significant - this can lead client to drop the subject and not bring it up again  A verbal response that ignores the significance will have the same detrimental effect Distracting questions  Ppl often ask too many questions as a way of getting information  Toss in some other forms of communication Clichés  Clichés are hollow and a poor substitute for understanding Interpretations  Don‟t interpret answers based on theories/frameworks. You need to use genuine understanding Advice  This can make things worse and robs client of self-respnsibilty Parroting  Sharing a highlight is not merely repeating what the client has said.  Mere repetition or restatement or paraphrasing carries no sense of real understanding and no sense of “being with”  Real understanding should convey some part of you because it passes through you  To avoid parroting, come at what the client has said from a slightly different angle, use your own words, change the order, refer to an expressed, unnamed emotion Sympathy and agreement  Empathy is not the same as sympathy or agreement  Sympathy denotes agreement  Empathy denotes understanding and acceptance Faking it  If you don‟t understand something, don‟t fake it.  Admit you are lost – but not too often or you look like an moron  If you‟re constantly lost, find out why ASAP  Clients will send you signals if you‟ve fucked up. Acknowledge these signals *********************************** Chapter 6 The Art of Probing and Summarizing THE ART OF PROBING  If sharing highlights is the lubricant (ew!) of dialogue, then probes are the nudges.  Prompts and probes are verbal and nonverbal tactics for helping clients talk more freely and concretely about any issue at any stage of the helping process  Probes, carefully used, provide focus and direction Verbal and Nonverbal Prompts  Prompts are brief and let client know that you are with them and you want to talk further  They are sometimes referred to as general leads because they lead to client to continue Nonverbal prompts  Various non-verbal behavior can have the force of probes  Ex/ body movements, gestures, nods, Vocal and verbal prompts  “um” / “uh-huh” / “ok” / “I see”  Use them intentionally or it sounds like you‟re on auto pilot and not really listing Different Forms of Probes  Probes help clients name, take notice of, explore, clarify, etc. and can be used at any stage of model  They are meant to provide clarity and to movie things forward  They take different forms…  Whatever form a probe takes, they are often directly or indirectly questions. Statements  Statements that indicate a need for further clarity  Often take the form of a helping confessing he or she is lost o “I‟m not sure I understand how…”  This puts responsibility on the client without accusing them of not telling the truth Requests  These are direct requests for info or more clarity o “Tell me what you mean when…”  They should not sound like commands  Watch your tone of voice Questions  Direct questions are the most common type of probe o “how do you react when…” / “what keeps you from…”  Um, how is this different from a request?? Single words or phrases that are actually questions/requests  Ex/ repeating the word “hate” if the client says “I really hate her” Using Questions Effectively Don’t ask too many questions  Clients will feel grilled  Clients will know if the questions are just filler because you can‟t think of anything helpful to say  Question and answer session go no where  Shift form a fact-finding interview to a therapeutic dialogue Ask open-ended questions  If you ask closed-ended questions, then you have to ask more and more questions to get the info you need  Only ask closed-ended questions if you need a very specific piece of information  Although sometimes a closed-ended question can be a perfect form of challenge o Ex/ is getting revenge what you really want?” o Therefore, closed-ended questions are awful, except when they‟re perfect  Open-ended question are appropriate for all stages of he helping process Guidelines for Using Probes To help clients engage as fully as possible in the therapeutic dialogue  Probes are the principle tool need to help all clients engage in the give-and-take of the helping dialogue To help clients achieve concreteness and clarity  Probes help clients turn the abstract/vague into concrete To explore and clarify clients’ points of view, intentions, proposals and decisions  Ex/ if a client announces a decision she has made, but the decision itself is unclear, and the reasons behind it are vague, then you gots to help a sista out with some probing because she‟s a shit decision maker  Use probes to spell out a point of view To help clients fill in missing pieces of the picture  This helps helpers to get a better fix on the problem situation, future possibilities and an action plan To help clients get a balanced view of problem situations and opportunities  Clients usually only describe one side of the story - probes help fill in the whole picture To help clients move into more beneficial stages of the helping process  Many clients do not easily move into the most helpful stage of the helping process – probes help them to that  Use probes to brainstorm To challenge clients and help them challenge themselves  Effective highlights act as probes  Probes are not just requests for relevant info, they actually place some kind of demand on the client to reflect, respond, review  They serve as a bridge between communicating understand and helping them challenge themselves  Using probes as a mild form of challenging is fine as long as you know what you‟re doing (which I don‟t) The Relationship Between Sharing Highlights and Using Probes  Skills must intermingle in a natural way but there is not formula for the right mix  Guideline: o After using a probe to which a client responds, respond with empathy to what the client has said. o Check your understanding o Be hesitant to follow one probe with another  Don‟t become an empathic highlight machine or an interrogator  All response to clients are empathic if based on understanding client‟s point of view  All responses that build on client remarks are already empathic THE ART OF SUMMARIZING: PROVIDING FOCUS AND DIRECTION  Only use communication skills that make a difference  Summarizing main points is a skill that provides focus and challenge When to Use Summaries At the beginning of a new session or interaction  Especially when clients are uncertain how to begin  The summary gives clients a jumping off point and puts pressure on them to move on  It shows client that you have been listening During a session or interaction that is going nowhere  Session go nowhere because helpers let clients tell the same story over and over again  Focus on going deeper into stories and setting goals, strategies o Help the client move beyond “poor me”  Useful for helping clients with impaired cognitive function When the client needs a new perspective  Client sees the bigger picture when you bring scattered elements together  Summary offers a mild jolt  Don‟t overwhelm client with content of summary – they are not meant to build a case against the client Getting the Client to Provide the Summary  It can be better to ask the client to summarize major points – it helps the client own the helping process  But this not meant to test clients so feel free to help them out THE SHAODOW SIDE OF COMMUNICATION SKILLS – PART 2 Communication skills as necessary but not sufficient  Being a good communicator is not the same as being a good helper  If you overemphasize communication skills they‟ll be very little action  If you apply communication techniques without a good working alliance then things are just awkward  Communication must serve both the process and outcome of helping The helping relationship vs helping technologies  Don‟t listen and respond through frameworks/theories - use humanity  You can‟t tx psychological issues with the medical model Developing proficiency in communication skills  These skills must become a part of your everyday communication style  Make sharing highlights a reality in your own life an ppl will say things like “she rally listens to me”  Many probes in everyday life are disguised as criticisms “why the hell would you do that?” You shouldn‟t say this.  Life is your lab – every conversation is an opportunity to practice! (barf) *********************************** Chapter 7 Helping Clients Challenge Themselves CHALLENGE: THE BASIC CONCEPT  Ya gots to go beyond understanding (tuning in, listening, processing, sharing highlights) and help them clarify their concerns (proving, summarizing) and test reality (challenge)  Some form of challenge is central to helping  All effective helping is a mix of support and challenge (they need to be used together)  Dialogue is most helpful when it is perceived by the client as relevant, helpful, interested, supportive and somehow discordant with their current theories, selves, views  Challenge is like confrontation, but the word confrontation sounds less helpful  Goal of challenging: to help clients do some reality testing and invest what they learn into their futures The Targets of Challenge Challenge what stands in the way of managing problem situations Self-defeating min
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