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Geraldine Voros

Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 SOC SCI 2OO3: CANADIAN CHILDREN FINAL EXAM NOTES The Hurried Child: Pressures and Competing Demands - We hurry children because we are hurried adults - Promotions o Living in pressure-cooker of competing demands o How do I increase benefits and pay at work? o Tryint to be more successful o Indicating how you should be evaluated for promotion - Conspicuous Consumer consumption o Looking at which house you live in o Size of lot and garage o Benchmarking yourself as being well-off as the others - Transitions: upward and downward o Maybe be downsizing and upsizing in term of houses o Safety nets: health care, pension plans - Role changes o Put pressure o Being mom and dad and professionals and caregivers to parents o Different hats you wear in day - Personal and professional uncertainties o Therefore less control over our lives o Over life over cycle 3 relationships in life (US) o Will you have job available? o Uncertainties start to pile up o Less control o Children have own way of seeing, thinking and feeling--- don’t take this away from them – let them have their age appropriate time o Pressuring children to grow up fast = unhappy children - Book: That’s Hockey: Bouchard and Griffiths o Burnout: Five Stages - The Honeymoon o Begin going to school, make new friends, high expectations - Fuel shortage o Environment isn’t right o At school, unsupportive, endless demand for learning o Bad behaviour, rude Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o What does child do to relieve stress? - Chronic symptoms o Health deterioration o Not replenishing their fuel ▪ Allergies becoming aggravated and serious ▪ Headaches, ulcers o Child becoming quiet and withdraw o Overt and covert responses - Crises o If problem not recognized o Illnesses are stress-signals o Rebel and delinquent - Hitting the wall o Too physically and mentally spent to go any further o Young kids running away from home Types of Parents - Indulgent o Thinks more about themselves than child o Child success = trophy - Designer o Oshkosh parents o Everything has to be latest o Dress them the best o People give it importance - Gold-medal parent o Waking up a chil in early morning to go to practive - Dysfunction o 80-95 percent = dysfunctional families - Functional Four Categories of Dual Career Families - Accommodators o Parents managing everyday life o Have gotten things organized o Mothers stepping up to plate o Child is priority - Adversaries o Groan guys o Child is a burden o Both parents run into conflict because they both have high career aspirations o Child is rushed o Impatience o Child is a burden and there’s disorganization - Allies o Cover for each other Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Not guilty about anything o Have excuses all the time - Acrobats o Loose canons o Want it all and want it now Two Cultures to Learn - Materialism Culture/Cultural Resources o Important to development and regulate how we use them - Nurturing Culture/Humanitarian Resources o Belonging, mattering, hugging kissing also important o This is more important to them than material culture Composition by girl in grade 3 - Little girl mary anne - Looks sad - Mary anne writing story and teacher snatched - Had mistakes - Teacher yelled at her - Maryanne said be patient god isn’t finished with me yet - Mary anne at home – big talk with parents - She said that because she can’t help people telling her what to be - Told parents that they do that too - She feel hurried by teachers and parents Secret Longing - Observing mother as child - Cradling kitten – feeding kitten - Kittens fed with doll bottles - Mom nurturing them - Has a look of kindness cause of kittens - Longs for that look - Child trying to figure out why - Learning that she has not been nurtured - Nurturing children can be conscious and unconscious Hurried Children - The tragedy of the lost self o Mary anne trying to rea-dffrim who she is o Young girl lost in hustle of life (story 2) Hurried Children: Topics - Pseudo – sophistication Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Children know more than they understand o Children can talk about so much today o This is mostly verbal o Symbols that they don’t question o Need to have latest style 9aka. Jordans for gym class) o Label advertises social status o They play important role o Kids become invested in these things o Outer shell shouldn’t override internal qualities o How do you teach wisdom to children - Imaginary audience o Kids can understand what others are thinking of the same thinking o Can get confused o Children at young age know what’s in (aka. School backpacks) o As they get older and they have emotional and feelings o This is what I think, what will others think o Kids are wise enough to know what other s will think - Achievement overload o Speaks to school system o Adults looking at academics and extracurricular activities and interpersonal relationships o Parents who are hurrying children are usually those who never achieved a good education o Or it took the child a long time to achieve what they have o Young people are pushed by parents, and sometimes when they’re not ready o Giftedness does not necessarily determine success o Giftedness is exaggerated o Child need self-esteem ▪ No noisy conceit o Sleeper-effect: telling a person to F.O o Giant awakens and makes crazy demands - School hurrying children - Difference between feeling loved and being loved - Free floating anxiety o Doesn’t know how to express feelings o Begins to act out in violent and unpredictable behaviour o Child becoming a surrogate self o Becoming a symbol of parent’s frustration o Vicarious status o The adult sharing/owning in child’s success o Child becoming a status symbol ▪ Sent to private schools/Montessori schools ▪ Being enrolled in expensive programs – head-start in specific careers ▪ Using child o Being stressed out induces the acting out o Dual career families – children have to fit in to the high-profile scheduling Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Children can only adapt so much o We can burn them out with too much change in day o Ex. Boy went to neighbours before school, waited there cause parents had to leave early, taxi came to neighbours house, dropped to daycare, daycare wagon took him to school went to kindergarten, wagon picked him up back to daycare until close, taxi took him back to neighbours until parent’s came home o Halloween, cute costume.. aren’t you happy… I’ve already had my Halloween party - Some suggestions o Push the reset button o Can children communicate, and critically analyze MOVIE: A CHILD’S GRIEF - Used colour therapy - Drawing picture - Talk about the image figuratively - There is no sociology of emotion – we don’t teach how we should feel/communicate - When loved ones unexpectedly taken away – shocking - Children not equipped with these coping mechanisms - Colour associated with word to get inside child - Therapist said we let them colour it because each colour has different meaning - We can’t just speak from the child..we have to let them do it --- aka colour therapy - We don’t appropriate their voice - Don’t speak for other children - Children respond in age appropriate language – rationalize o It would’ve happened anyway - Intellectual knowledge / Emotional knowledge o Intellectual – you understand someone has left o Emotional knowledge – you fear that somebody you love very dearly is away from you ▪ Abandonment o Fixing emotional knowledge = difficult o Men usually underestimate / mask of masculinity o Boys need you as the mentor o For boys, role model = father o Some fathers work so much overtime that they don’t have time for son – very flawed – the relationship development is highly crucial - Psychological and chronological time (chronical time = age—saying – time heals all wounds) o We get older year by year, but the psych time ▪ Boy starts crying – reaches out for Kleenex – doesn’t acknowledge girls ▪ That’s the psych time he needs to heal o Ex. Graduating but mother is there, but father not ▪ Constant reminders of loss throughout life ▪ You might not feel impact chronologically, but it is felt psychologically o Therapist – neutralize/discharge feelings Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o As you speak to it, hear themselves o Decreases the intensity of the loss o Different children = different avenues o Children have different vehicles o Children have age appropriate interpretations of that reality o Adults need to recognize that Self-esteem class experiment - “I am not lovable” (3) - “I am not worthwhile” - “I am lovable” (3) - “I am worthwhile” - When someone is more confident and centered, they have more resistance to any kind of pressure - Speaks to self-esteem - Children have to be able to say this to have fully functioning personality and definition of self, children who can say this are often far more successful Children’s Book: I WANT YOUR MOO BY MARCELLA BAKUR WEINER - Moo - Why do we need botox and lip fillers - People do it because they’re not satisfied - People don’t think they’re worthwhile - We don’t have to perfect, we can still do tremendous things - It tells children, you’re good the way you are - You are NOT empty-handed What do we want for the children? - Positive things o Inner confidence o A sense of purpose o Involvement o Meaningful constructive relationships o Success at school o Success at work o How do we facilitate children to get to these goals o Mounting research – fully functioning children are different from those who flounder o Some people just don’t seem to get it together o Difference relies in people’s attitudes o Self-esteem makes the difference between success and failure o High self-esteem is NOT noisy conceit ▪ Quiet sense of self-respect ▪ Don’t waste time and energy trying to impress others ▪ Know that you have value Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 ▪ Described as the mainstream that moulds a child for success and failure as a human being ▪ If you have noisy conceit – poor Development of Self AND Self-Esteem - Two Basic Needs - 1. I am lovable o I matter and have value because I exist – everyone has value whether rich or poor - 2. I am worthwhile - I can handle myself and the environment around me - I know I have something to offer other people - Confidence with the way things are situated around your life o Big difference between being loved and feeling loved ▪ Childs feeling about being loved/unloved determines development ▪ Not related to family status or education, geographic region, occupation – none of it important ▪ What is important = relationship between child and parent/guardian ▪ Whether child flourished depends on environment What We Need to Know? (to facilitate this) - How high self-esteem is built - How a child’s self-view affects behaviour - What price a child pays when self-esteem is low - What you can do to foster high self-esteem Phenomenon of Mirrors: Self and Self Esteem A Reflection - Every child born without sense of self - Acquire this thorough social environment - Some children caged/kept in room whole life o They have no continence, no self of identity, only human in appearance o We learn selfhood through interaction and living with others - Wordless Messages o - baby first born = host of sensations o Being held o They know if it’s gentle or harsh/feelings of hunger/crying o Physical touch o Urge to explore world o Continue in this interaction and discover that they have a place - Word Messages o Words attached to care o Allows child to feel more self-aware of existence o Learning language o They begin to understand what you’re saying o Singing nursery rhymes o Children understand how they’re contextualized in this environment o As child grows – selfhood grows exponentially Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o If child is being communicated to, they react to their name when in Doctors office o Learning words = building picture of the world around them o Children start to define themselves o Sensitive child will know if arms around them are of support or not – begin to understand their value o Breastfeeding – completely engaged with child = thrive and gain weight – formed responsiveness o Whether they are wordless or word – it facilitates a child’s growth o If not – failed o Building their self-respect through interactions o Words can shred – compliments vs criticize o Children can pick up on something you don’t mean Treatment Defines Self Image - Children sometimes believe exactly what parents say - Parents reflection of child impacts their self-worth - We are mirrors for each other - Children and caregivers/relatives are mirrors that reflect to them who they are - Provide children with interpretation with how they fit into society - In the end, children care about what others think of them - Ex. I am what I think you think I am - Definition of Self - Attitudes of others towards child’s capacities are more important than the child’s possession of particular traits - It’s what we believe of each other that matters and helps them move forward - Ex. Patrick’s swimming lessons - Need warm, facilitating relationships - Stream of positive reflections can drastically change lives - Pushing through the boundaries.. how we treat people really matters - A positive identity hinges on positive life experiences o Becomes central to building positive self-esteem The Price of Warped Mirrors – when kids act out – these 3 things happen - Erect defenses o Means of working out feelings of inadequacy o Children putting defenses around their weaknesses o Psych weapon against own fears o Bully – actually weak – defense mechanism for how they actually feel about themselves - Submit o Accept the warped mirror that they’re not wanted o May try to put the best face possible in a vulnerable situation - Withdrawal o Block out events and fantasize about others to avoid pain o Dian Ester – merges herself in books Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 Polishing Parental Mirrors - Inexperience o We look back at our own lives because we are inexperienced o Very careful with first child o Sterilizing bottles, sanitation, etc - Borrow standards o Going into childhood o What did my parents do o Need efficient way of dealing with situation and so rely on previous lnowledge - Cultural blueprints o Caregivers look at their upbringing and cultural values o World of ads – Disney o Culture of materialism - Hurrying children o Acrobats = hurrying, not nurturing o Hangover wishes – gold medal parents – expectations are designed to meet their unmet childhood wishes o Imposing their desire on child , don’t ask child o Beauty pageants o Current hunger – starved for approval – need it from everyone – want the child to harvest this o See the child as an extension of themselves o Unhappy relationships o Unfinished business ▪ Long-term expectations ▪ Parents pushing children to achieve extreme success ▪ Intense pressure ▪ Rarely question if they should do that ▪ Child rarely question what the parent wants – just accept it ▪ Lack of expectation – could be bad cause the child may think that they can’t do anything o Require non-verbal value ▪ If child is doing homework, turn off TV, give encouragement o Society doesn’t expect failure o But we learn more failure than success – we know we have the will-power to do better next time o If you never fail, you’ll never know how to rise o We need unconditional approval, warm belief ▪ Children’s confidence is in what they truly are, not our image of what we want them to be ▪ We don’t want children to live for us ▪ Children need to become themselves ▪ They don’t need to die socially and psychologically ▪ They can become dependent on conditional love – bad ▪ We need confident adults who have courage of own convictions ▪ Needs to be instilled when they are children Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 ▪ Things need to be done age appropriately ▪ Allowing them to move forward as they see fit ▪ Respect them and their development Impact of Expectations on Self-Esteem - The tragedy of the lost self Fair Expectations - Inventory of Questions - 1. Why do I have this expectation? - 2. Where did it come from? - 3. What is in it for me? - 4. Is it based on my needs or my child’s? - 5. What purpose does it serve? - 6. Does it realistically fit this particular child at this age and with this temperament or background? o When is a child to walk – is there a timeline o If a child does not walk at 3, is he abnormal o Is there a competition o Is it a parent’s needs? o Is it realistic for them to fit an expectation at their age o Need an honest inventory, even if it may be painful o Weed out expectations that we may follow blindly o Make sure that you’re not living vicariously through child o Pushing children to read early – doesn’t matter, they’re all the same by the age of 3 anyways o Parents need to check their own level of self-esteem o Let children develop at their own pace How is it a child’s self-esteem built? – tender caring, not hurrying, or minimizing - It’s not the quantity, rather the quality of time you spend with child - Genuine Encounter o Focused attention o Engaging with child o “ALL HERE” o Look, listen and see child o Direct involvement o Nourishing self-respect o Need presence from all angles, physical, emotional o Do I give priority to things or my children? o When parents are periodically away, children understanding this o “BOOSTER SHOTS OF ENCOUNTER” ▪ When children under stress ▪ Remember to spend ear-marked time with child’s focused children ▪ Ex. Bedtime for 15 min sit with child and have a one-on-one interaction Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 ▪ Half 1 hour, supper time ▪ Friday nights = family nights ▪ Father-child day ▪ Mother-child days ▪ Fire-prevent rather than firefight – more long-term ▪ Strong basis of building relationship - Trust o Respect the child for their ways whether they are, shy, outgoing, noisy, loud o Be the nurturing parents o When promising them something, KEEP THE PROMISE o Avoid unpleasant surprises o Support child on new venture o Let child know when you’re going and coming back ▪ Shows responsibility to children ▪ Builds climate of safety and trust o Don’t want to betray trust, it can be breached by mixed-message traps ▪ Words and body language are at odds • Pissed off after a day of work and kids asks, what’s wrong • You say no sternly • Kid thinks that they’ve done something wrong • Give an age-appropriate response – just say I haven’t had a good day • This becomes a trap for the child ▪ Over-permissive home • Have anything you want, whenever you want • False presentation of reality • You cant do anything and everything you want • There needs to be rules and guidelines • This is a misdirection in raising children • World has deadlines and acceptable v non-acceptable behaviour • Unhappiest children = homes that are over-permissive • Boys want to know three things o What the rules are o Who’s in charge o Will they employ them? ▪ This keeps them in line ▪ Watered down messages • Talks to authenticity of what you’re saying • How much of inner world is appropriate to say • Adults always think they’re cool, calm and collected—denying feelings • Accept sense of feelings and be open with children – own feelings – hallmark of our self-esteem being high – saying I’m upset because, I’m happy because… o Demonstrates that your feelings are legitimate o Shows openness Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Makes us feel like people, not machines - Nonjudgmental o Reflecting on own life through this o Difference between judgements and reactions o Important how you feel about judgements o Switch from being judge to reactor ▪ Judge: you’re impossible – negative ▪ Reactor: not be negative, such situation for possible outcome • I don’t like bickering, how can we speak to this in a better way ▪ Judge: You’re lazy ▪ Reactor: I see you’re worried… how can I help you? ▪ Judge: You’re a liar – big negative mirror ▪ Reactor: I can’t count on your words, when it doesn’t relate to what you’re saying o Reactors use I statements o It’s a “we” effort o Interactive democracy – opening table for discussion o We should be reactors o Difference between positive labels and approval o Can’t have conditional love, it should be unconditional o Child should never question their worth o Up for discussion: actions o You’re a good girl IF.. No they are good just as they are o Child’s lovable despite everything - Being cherished o Safety of being cherished o Children fly on acceptance, but they don’t always blossom on it o They should feel special, just because of the way they are o They have to feel loved o Don’t shame or humiliate or slap them publicly o They are persons not cattle o It’s cause we have an issue with our own self-esteem o Need positive mirrors for children o Have patience spend time and reaffirm o Cherished child knows that when they have a behavioural error doesn’t cancel out their lovability ▪ Grows up to be accepting and accepts others’ mistakes ▪ Not as prejudice as other children - Owning feelings o Sometimes we don’t let them to do this o Sometimes we say ”we don’t do that in our house” o Speaks to interactive democracy in house o Blind man grabbing elephant by tail – large rope – giant snake -- tree trunk – wall ▪ They all perfectly described a part of the elephant – they weren’t wrong ▪ Ones way of seeing and feeling is not the only way o Children aren’t born to hate and be prejudice, they can become that Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Let children experience and speak to issues that can arrive - Empathy o Understanding one’s worries o Bridges gaps o Sets aside their world to be in your world o Not there to agree and disagree o But understand without judgement o Listen with heart first and then our head o We have attitude that respects integrity of others o In home, great deal of free and easy talk o Child owns feelings and parent is in child’s world ▪ Walking in their shoes - Unique growing o We all don’t develop at the same time o Some faster, some slower o Regression in growth ▪ If baby in home, the older kid might want to drink in bottle again not cup o We don’t fore growth o Don’t hurry or push or urge or forbid them o Focus on child and the environment that they are in o Maslow ▪ Fully functioning person, being alone just with your thoughts ▪ Ability to fully grow and be your own person o There’s lots of pressures o Attraction of the new and unknown o When child grows, they leave behind familiar and move forward to discover the unknown o Usually child opts for safety first o Unique growing should be facilitated o Ex. Swimming lessons and taking risks o Raising children is not a joke if you want to do a good job Sovereignty and Consumerism - Girls lose spatial abilities because of gift-giving culture - Phenomenon retained in society Voros – taking back control - Who is in charge of goods and services? o Market guides economic institutions in society o We are being sold to – relegated to the status of a consumer o Guided to the products that already exist – it can be daunting just to buy a cell phone o What we need vs want? o Historically market didn’t guide this o Members of society decided what the market should sell o - Who is setting the standards? Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 Patina Orientation vs Fashion System - Patina: Goods with visual aging o Solidarity that has been passed through generation o Cherished and has sentimental value o Antiques o Family solidarity o Hand-crafted, one-of-a-kind o Increases in value overtime o Things lasted a long-time - Fashion: judging people by the way they dress o Peasants vs elite o Display of status o Happens today: Ex. Oscars o Contemporary society and market dictate what people wear o Disposable society o Conspicuous consumerism : branded clothing o We’re all about stuff o We have houses, with stuff in it, garages and sheds with more stuff o We have become A BIG CONSUMER o We move to a preindustrial to industrial society o 1970 – on avg per child = 90 toys ▪ More disposable income o 2000 – 100 toys/9 year old child o Developing technology fuels this shift ▪ Production lines, competitive pricing, better designs and better products, improved distribution o 22000 commercials per year seen o Buying into this materialistic culture o Impacts children as well o BOOK: OUT OF THE GARDEN ▪ Bringing children indoors from outdoors – they pay a price o Children say they listen to what others are talking about o Family = major source of socialization o Over time there is reduced socialization – more after consumerism o Difference in generations Power of Media Medium - How do they get to kids? - What do they sell to kids? - How do they sell to kids? o Consumerism displaced patina generation o Media manipulates us o Ads geared towards who’d be watching TV at the time o Marketers are smart at maximizing placement of goods o TV originally thought of as good Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Capitalist used it as vehicle for conspicuous consumer consumptions o Ex. Disney, Flinstones o Eternal loop o TV wasn’t necessarily enlightenment or education – doesn’t take kids ahead of others o Had negative impact – watching others and not experiencing themselves as a family o Decline in cultural innocence of children o Marketing strategists gain control over children culture o TV is telling them how they’ll be happy o Branding/advertising – vehicle that gets to kids o Maximizing placement of goods for ads o Children not spending meaningful conversation with parents in day ▪ Approx. 30 seconds for some families – frightening o Researchers say they develop a DESIGN PROCESS o Infuse culture with regularity of forms and patterns of meaning ▪ Ex. Teddy bear – has always been the same ▪ Not thought of as violent – rather cute and cuddly – sends a sophisticated message to children ▪ Came about by accident ▪ Roosevelt pertinent of his stand on the environment ▪ Marketed by ideal toy company under Roosevelt – it was a fundraising item for the environmental funding ▪ Symbolizing man who was kind and known for his good deeds ▪ Bear became emblem of children’s innocence ▪ Invented/re-invented • Winnie the Pooh, yogi bear etc. • Consumer society kept the wheels rolling o Walt Disney ▪ Mickey mouse ▪ Engineering one’s imagination ▪ Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - 1960 – 80 percent of homes have TV o Pend two hours watching it o Not many cartoon shows cause they thought children wouldn’t be appealed o Disney selling racoon hats after film popularity - 1955 – invented Mickey Mouse club o The first peer culture o Disney made himself profitable - Product, right price-point, promote it in the right way - The goods are the utilities (relating to film) o Lunchboxes, bags, etc o It becomes a social standing o Are you in/out? o Representation of personal characteristic of owner ▪ They’re cool ▪ They have the latest Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 ▪ They know what’s in o Reflection of person’s lifestyle - Children don’t have the critical thinking skills to understand what’s being presented to them - This develops in late teens - Gift-giving has become important - Materialistic - Learn moral behaviour - As we move over ccc – children = less imaginative Markey Strategy: the 4P’s - Product - Price - Place - Promotion Toronto Research: What is Important for Children? - To read and write - To learn moral behaviour and to interact with peer social groups - To fit in with society - To become imaginative and self-expressive Conclusion - Postmodern Period of Aesthetics, Ethics, Education and the Environment o Reset button exists – who does it o Toys should be useful things o Mennonites have done this – useful for children o Stimulated socialization of toys – encourage children for a minute o Children need to use their minds o Arabs – very few toys ▪ Mental gymnastics = algebra ▪ People played with concepts o Take children back to the garden, back to nature o Spatial, boy, musical, interpersonal, psych intelligence ▪ Spatial • Child in apartment vs house playing with ball • In apartment, he’ll throw it up • In house – throw it as far as he can ▪ Musical • Piano, rhythm beat, works part of mind that math depends on • Instruments – drumming ▪ Interpersonal • Playing outside • Sports – making own democracy/rules • Theory of multiple intelligences • Children playing cooperatively Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 ▪ Pysch • Playing in nature = helps psychologically • Helps them understand their place in the universe • Children can then control their submission to sonsumerism • Better to have people around you than always looking at technology • Self-directed learning • Maximizing the facilitation of the 5 intelligences • Kindergarten/pre k o Let the children play CONWAY PART 3 - Children suffer when parents fail - Dian Esther o Mother – didn’t’ want to acknowledge what was going on at home o Father – went off to war when Diane pregnant with her, came back, no bonding with daughter, she’s an object to him - Gap between rhetoric and action o We say there’s equality, but does it happen ▪ Only happens when change happens - Woman having children, they are the ones who sacrifice - You have to plan it all, not have it all - Criticizes new feminism – haven’t achieved true feminism - Only cared about professional women – didn’t care about the women who were poor and did late night shifts o New feminism doesn’t address this - They only did stuff w=for a slice of the cohort - Need to support family caregivers - Look biologically at the notion of equity - Look at PEOPLE, not just WOMEN o PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE EQUALITY o Divorced women = consequences are grave - Women re-entering workforce are underemployed o Low paying jobs if they go back - If we say we’re inclusive, and children see something different on TV -- misogyny, portrayal of women o We see the difference between reality - Miseducation - Kardashian - Women shouldn’t be focused on getting married, think first about education and career- planning - Idea of getting married is not necessarily the way we should go - Channeling energy to career planning - Structured vs internalized oppression o Structural do exist ▪ Unjust burdens ▪ Women have them Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 ▪ Suffer pay differentials ▪ Day-care o Internalized ▪ Like learned helplessness ▪ Set up to fail with the way we were raised ▪ How do you enslave yourself • Making ourselves subservient • Marrying skinny vs muscular man o We spend time on the materialistic not the important - Global societies, societies where masculinity emphasized = have the most violence - Societies where I’s not the case = far less violence - Labour of love that women engage in - Replacing mother (if mother dies) would cost 135 000 a year - When married domestic work load: half o Not the case o For women it increases o Results in stress - 3 strategies that women employ o Cut back on commitment to work o Relinquish career aspirations o Cut corner at home - Women initiated divorce the most - Women’s economic oppression – pay differentials - Women in university who graduate - There’s a disconnect - Pink collar jobs – ghetto – redundant - Women at risk financially and on the job = harassment - Work twice as hard to get same thing as men - Men – boss, women = clerk - Wages – feminization of poverty is still a threat - Women need to be socialized - Structural oppression o Unjust burden o Women working in public sector – needs not met o Don’t get paid equally o Earn 72 c for every dollar of woman despite same competency o Single mom – even more difficult o Women victimized - Internalized oppression o Women mis-educated – supposed to believe that central job is to marry and have children o We should put most important our education o We’re mis-educated on what’s best for us - Learned helplessness factors in o Women look for someone who can take care of us o This needs to stop Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Society’s that are strictly separated between men and women = most violence o If we don’t see each other as humans – harder to live life in decency o Primary and secondary economy – pay differentials o Ex. More males in university and less females o Pink collar employment – spas ,nail salons == female run o Women don’t live richly in terms of business - Women need to see careers as central part of identity - Motherhood is important - Pop – 10-15 infertile in terms of women - Fertility clinics help get pregnant - Conway – focus – we are going to be families – need to be responsible – need job so that we can be a full partner in equal sense - Divorce happens – feminization of poverty - Caution, beware and prepare yourself - Are you separated as an individual - Balancing act - Shows that a lot of people tend to abandon aspirations after motherhood - Most successful women in society – single women – never married no children – more closer to male - Comes with sacrifice – emotional expense – no partner, children – loneliness/unhappiness - Choice to stay single/childless higher trend – increasing in society - Single mothers – spending time outside of workforce to care for children – daycares are expense - Women underemployed themselves after they go back – working below education grade – risk of feminization of poverty - Transitional mother – kisses wounds, men = instrumental – worked in public sector o Individuals happiest = men o Saw nothing wrong with situation o Women in traditional setting – felt overwhelmed, sexual dissatisfaction o Single females more happier than single males - There are cultural lags in traditional and orthodox models - Men still exercise more autonomy and more independent more assertive - Women are more subordinate to their authority - The belittled wife – father coddling – something happens – blame wife – relates to traditional orthodox model - Risk of metal health – depression - We prepare our lies with this idea of motherhood - Marriage psychologically bad for women – have to do and give the most - Singleness is good for women and bad for men o Women can do more – depends on society - Medicalization of women - Women and abuse - Sexual violence tolerated by institutions - Violence against women celebrated by media, excused by criminal justice system - Man coddling and woman battling - Bringing full person to table not half Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 - Sexual harassment – controlling of one gender to the other – women controlled by men - Puts society on edge - Women as victims - Living in society that advertises men superiority - But in reality if they can’t hold this position, there’s a confusion and sometimes physical violence results - Homicides – 3 x as many husbands kill wives than husbands - Men feel like they NEED to win - Understand that it’s part of the mentality excerised in society - Hughes Mickey – drinker – beat wife – her and children petrified by him – couldn’t leave cause no money and no job – stayed cause she had to - Mickey came home drunk n=one day, passed out, unconsncous, wife set him on fire, took wife and children to police station and said she killed her children - This is usually young mothers that can’t support children - Find it difficult to leave - Victim 18-34 yeards old - Violence happening in low income families – fathers have low education - Men have these problems – patriarchal authority – showcasing dominance in home - Family becomes the victim - We see men as victims o Men measure each other in public sector – job, status, etc o Men defining themselves in terms of others o Men fear 5 categories ▪ Physical inadequacy – “men are supposed to be buff” • They want to look big and masculine ▪ Emotional inexpressiveness • Mask of masculinity ▪ Subordination to women ▪ Intellectual inferiority – man with women smarter • Control variable ▪ Performance failures in work and sex - Need for change – change the structure of the family – it’s happening progressively - Harsh economic reality has confirmed end of myth – it’s now a dual income society - Idea that patriarchy rules needs to die - Has no place in society - Single father working – more at risk of poverty – triples the risk - Vulnerability – who’s going to earn what and how much - Sole earner, high income – have more stress and sacrifice - Poorest marriage in terms of quality are the ones that have traditional male and moderately liberal female – at some point she’ll stand up and say no more o She’ll leave because of the attitude of the patriarchal male - Biggest change will come from the male - Women want equality and respect in new world order - If it’s emotionally dissatisfying, she’ll leave - Partnership with children, the circle of life for male will decrease, whereas women maintain the network they have Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 o Men are at greater risk of losing sense of identity o Divorce rate up, and so is suicide - Men can’t seem to keep it together after divorce o Emotional stress felt by men often ends up in suicide o These rates reflect weakening of social ties o Need for serious re-adjustment - Men are beginning to realize that work and family are important - 3 different husbands o Participant – think they’re doing good share of responsibilities, but do less ▪ Not quite there o Role-sharing – 50/50 – they do their fair share o Traditional – helps out, but majority of responsibility to wife - Costs and trade-offs as families raise children - Grounds for conflict o Keep women oppressed – belittle them, keep the pay differentials – fewer options for women, more for men o Grant woman promotion, promotion denied to man o Reality – men have to be flexible and tolerant and accommodating - Children of dual career families are more independent, more self-directed, more effective relationships, score higher in verbal tests – all of these are a PLUS - Men and women have to take the responsibility - - we need to ease the prices – o Day care – of quality – accessible and universal o Maternity, paternity, and parental leaves ▪ Protection for women’s work ▪ Be fair in terms of paternity leaves - Family breakdown o Violence o Poverty – need guaranteed annual income o Need well-run family clinics – parents need to educated on birth-control, parenting and health-care o More NGO’s o Economic equity and reproductive choice Esther text Discussion - Childhood o Fought against for many years - For individuals who are abused – 30 percent do abuse someone else - 70 percent don’t - Majority of people who get abused, don’t abuse in future - Victim personality - She had a sense of loneliness – that’s what perpetrators look for - When she got older – all the colour in wardrobe = beige – so she wouldn’t be noticed -- absence of colour – no attention to self - Leftover to side effects of abuse Geraldine Voros Winter 2017 - Locked emotions – fought against remembering bad times – this is when she seeks help to deal with them –
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