SA 101 Take Home Final Essay Outline:
Topics from Ahearn:
What kinds of specific advice did they get about a particular relationship (i.e. What kind
of a person is desirable/ undesirable, what kinds of actions or speech are appropriate or
Marriage Ceremonies - symbolism of the traditional ones
Types of marriage and views on them
Opening quote, "Love happens to Junigau villagers; it afflicts and torments them,
catches them in a web, makes them feel like they're going crazy. Yet it also empowers
them" (149). OR "Love is not created; love just is" (150).
Mom about grandma?
(Cite as Ahearn, 2001, p.____ in first cite then just pg for rest)
Ahearn, L.M. (2001). Invitations to Love (p. 88-260). N.P.: The University of Michigan Press.
Outline (organize by topic):
Paragraph 1: Advice or "the acceptable partner"
o Nepal: "'gift of a virgin' (kanyadan)" (88) "People say, 'She's pregnant, they do
bad things'" (242) (Sarita on people)
Kul Bir was searching for a women like Pabi Sara, "one who had a skill
that could earn money for the two of them,thus enabling them to live
apart from his parents." (116)
women should listen to the men and are servents. "Mr Singh is sitting
on a mat. Mrs Singh is giving him eggs, fish and meat." (159) (from
"I'm just an illiterate..... [woman], a person who hasn't had an education.
How can I compete with my mind against you, a person who has had
that kind of ..... [education]. I'm just a ..... [woman]. If you're seeking to
compete with our minds, then you can do so with someone who has ....
1 [education]." (141) Shila and Vajra
homosexuality is absent
"high-ranking, high-earning soldier from a distant village" (who Shila's
mother wanted her to marry) (145)
Partner should be a cross cousin our else it will "'mix up' or 'ruin' the
kinship terminology, since terms of address for particular kin presume a
matrilateral cross-cousin match." (258) "either be related to each other
appropriately or be completely unrelated to each other." (89)
"the couple should ideally be similar in all respects: Magar identity,
wealth, education, beauty, skin color, height, age, temperament, and so
Age is important throughout the book Ahearn's interviewees emphasize
the "marital age". "Once they're twinty-two, twenty-three, or twenty-
four years old, that's as old as a woman's age gets before she's too old
to marry..." (243) (Sarita on age).
"finding a husband who had regular employment and who did not
o Me: You choose but there are implied unsaid standards. He should be Chinese,
but Caucasian is okay. Your grandma will murder you if he is Japanese or Indian.
So your only realistic options are Chinese and Caucasian. He should also be
older than you, preferably 3 years at least. Christians are to be hated and
condemned I will be burned if I go out with one. My friends say anybody that is
born in the same year is okay. It is practically a taboo for the girl to be older.
Personally, probably because of my parents, it is weird for me to think about
anyone that is even two months younger than me as a potential partner. My
friends and family expect me to be with someone handsome and taller than me.
he also has to be smart and my friends and family must like him. It is probably
more important that my friends and family like him then me. Magazines also
show curvy "sexy" girls with chiselled men. That would appear and seem to be
what girls in real life want, but that is not the case. My friends all have different
tastes in guys. Although they cannot explain what their "type" is they know once
they see a guy if they like his appearance or not. In the film __the eyes one with
the asian chick____" it is shown that in North America we value double eyelids
and overall more Caucasian characteristics. As a girl I was always told that girls
2 should know how to cook and clean in order to take care of her husband in the
Paragraph 2: Types of Marriage
o Me: There is only one type or marriage in Western societies, monogamy. You
should dedicate your life to one person. You decide who you want to marry and
have as your "life friend" (site ahearn). No one will set you up with a match
maker (unless you yourself go to see one) and no one will arrange a marriage for
you. I know a lot of meeting and courtship starts online now through online
dating sites, although that has a negative stigma to it. Occasionally people will
elope at a young age because their parents or friends dont approve of their
relationship. But I've never heard of it. What I have heard of are promise rings
for when the couple finishes post secondary they will get married or something.
o Mom/ mom on grandma
o Nepal: Three main types: Arranged or captured marriage and elopement.
"All arranged marriages are negotiated by the bride and groom's senior
male relatives. Senior female relatives may have a say in the negotiation,
but they are not officially involved." (88) (arranged)
"Both families give gifts and there are no demands ahead of time that
will make or break a match." (89) (arranged)
- Bride: Pots and plates type and amount changes with relations
- Groom: Three sets of clothes for bride and jewelry all depends
on wealth. Family usuall