Chapter 9.docx

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Gerald Cupchik

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CHAPTER 9: Emotions in Social Relationships • Aspergers: condition characterized by early single-minded preoccupations o Ex. Obsessed with maps o Mild form of autism – absence of expressive behaviors of emotion, monotone, avoid eye contact and touch o Deviate from social conventions, but very talented, reason like others unaffected language by condition o Trouble expressing and feeling others’emotions  Helps us learn what happens to social relationships when components of emotions are disrupted • Emotions are vital to relationships The Interaction BTW Emotions and Social Relationships • Emotions are grammar of social relationships • We quickly communicate emotions unconsciously with different signal behaviors in face, voice and patterns of touch to others • Emotion related responses inANS enable social behaviors like social connection and fighting, fleeing • Emotions are triggered by appraisals that relate to social goals • Emotions guide important social and moral judgments • Can approach social nature of emotion in 2 ways: o Think about how emotions create specific social relationships (building blocks of social exchange) o Emotional experiences help assume specific roles within relationships o Social emotions are scripts for distinctive kinds of relationship • 2 direction o How relationships shape emotions o Emotions shift relationship to relationship  Feel gratitude with friends, passion with romantic partner Emotions within Intimate Relationships • Emotions are central to intimate life • Romantic love based on social motivations of affiliation and attachment o Attachment – trustfulness, protection o Affiliation – ability to cooperate Principles of Sexual Love • Human experiences of loving and of being loved are thought by many to give life its principal meaning • Healthy relationships are strongest determinants of happiness • Sexual desire and romantic love bring 2 ppl into a romantic partnership o Speed dating example  When one individual feels unqiue desire and chemistry for another, those feelings re reciprocated by the person who is the object of attraction  Speed daters who felt sexual attraction for man other ppl actually generated little desire or chemistry in those ppl themselves • Unlike our primate relatives – chimps and bonobos, which show sexual responses to many others, we humans can feel romantic passion that locks onto one person and sets the stage for a more enduring relationship • Early feelings of sexual desire are responsive to specific cues: beautiful skin, full lips, warm, glistening eyes, physical signs of youth, strength in men and fecundity in women o Lead to metaphors – swept away by passion • Metaphors speak to single-mindedness and loss fo control characteristic of early sexual passion • We can become focused on 1 person o Passion registered in specific patterns of touch, cuddling, sexual signalling o Manifestations of sexual desire are tied to woman’s ovulation and fluctuating estrogen o At time of ovulation, women are more likely to initiate sex, masturbate, have affairs and be accompanies by their husband • As romantic partners spend more time together, intense feelings of sexual desire they feel can nd give way to the experience of a 2 emotion, romantic love defined by feelings of deep intimacy o Couple feels comfort and security in being close, knowing each other, and feeling in their identities coming to merge • As intimacy increases, romantic partners include their partner’s perspectives, experiences and characteristics in their own self-concept • They may idealize their loved ones and ascribe distinct virtues to them • Ppl often nominate love as a prototypical emotion and sexual desire is believed to overlap only modestly with the content of love • Participants were asked to exclude emotion terms that didn’t belong in the love category o Few excluded words: caring, affection o Many excluded desire, infatuation and lust • Those ppl whom participants say they love overlap only partially with those for whom they say they feel sexual desire Emotions in Marriage • 80-90% of ppl in Canada and U.S get married or enter long-term relationships after experiencing feelings of sexual desire and then romantic love • Divorce rates in industrialized nations are 50%, marital dissatisfaction is also high Four Horsemen of theApocalypse – toxic emotional behaviors • Criticism o Partners who are more critical, continually find fault with their partners have less satisfying marriages • Defensiveness • Stonewalling o Resisting dealing with problems o When romantic partners are unable to talk about their difficulties w.o being defensive, they are in trouble • Contempt – sneers, eye rolls, disparagement o 93% of couples who showed evidence of toxic behaviors were divorce 14 yrs later Emotional patterns that keep partners close: • Capitalizing upon the good o When romantic partners share their joys and respond to each other’s good news with engaged enthusiasm, they are more likely to feel committed to one another many months later o Wiser to express appreciation and encouragement for good things that happen in your partner’s life • Humor, amusement and play o Intimate relationships are least satisfied when having to deal with kids growing up and when facing own problems like work, finance, health difficulties, 15-20% infidelity o More happily married couples possess playful nicknames for each other and more readily playfully tease one another during conflict instead of directly criticizing exchanges o Boost satisfaction • Compassionate love o Positive regard for partner and appreciation of partner’s foibles and weaknesses o Those who reported high levels of compassionate love for one another early in the relationship were less likely to divorce 4 yrs later • Forgiveness o Shift in feeling toward someone who has doen you harm, away from ideas about revenge and avoidance toward a more positive understanding of humanit of the person o Not a mindless glossing over the harm a partner has done, it involves recognizing that to err is human o Reduces blood pressure and anger if you forgive o Study looked at urge to revenge, desire to avoid partner and a more compassionate view of partner’s mistake and found that forgiveness promotes relationship satisfaction  Students who had suffered a recent transgression in a relationship reported classic kinds of harm, being cheated on, insulted, rejected or left out of a social activity  Partners who were earlier to forgive reported greater closeness and commitment to their partner weeks later Emotions in Friendships • Friendships are rare in our nonhuman primate relatives • Humans – friendships are central to our social life based on distinctively human social goal of affiliation – friendly cooperation in accomplishing things together that couldn’t be done alone • Most humans have a tight network f very close friends 6-7 and a broader network of ppl they feel supported by and connected to • In friendships, children learn their generation’s morals and values to parents’chagrin o Young adults sort out difficulties of family and romantic life • Require cooperation with non-kin • Evolutionarily, it’s difficult for individuals to devote resources to others whose success brings no benefit to the benefactor’s genes • Cooperative alliances like friendships have emerged in human evolution and are successful in our more immediate lives to the extent that there is reciprocal giving and affection • Love and gratitude promote cooperative, affectionate alliances btw friends Gratitude • Sentiment that held people together in industrial revolution • Glue of cooperative social living among non-kin (modern) • Serves as a barometer, helps us keep track of which friends are generous and which aren’t like grooming btw nonhuman primates • Motivates altruistic and affectionate behaviour • Produces generosity, favors and expressions of appreciation that are critical to long-term commitments among friends o Study:  Ps (participants) helped out by confederate to fix a computer problem  Recipient of generosity led them to feel gratitude and proved to be more generous in allocating their time and resources to others  Gratitude is a powerful determinant of prosocial behaviour • Expression of gratitude verbally or nonverbally acts as a reward, reinforces affectionate, cooperative behaviour increases • Expressions of gratitude predict increased closeness among group members over time Mimicry • Humans are an imitative species o Facial expressions, postural movements, tones of voice, styles of fait • Ps unconsciously imitate smiles presented in photos so fast they don’t what they have seen • Hearing another person laugh can trigger laughter • Emotional mimicry is a central ingredient of friendship • Feelings of similarity are a basic driving force of the formation of friendships • We feel closer t others who share our attitudes, preferences and beliefs • Our interactions with similar others are more gratifying and more likely to develop into enduring friendships • Men are more likely than women to produce “grunts” • Laughs of friends, but not strangers being to imitate each other within mins • Friends quickly imitate one another’s signs of amusement and enjoy the pleasure and perspective of humor and play o Study:  Ps and confederates sit across from one another and listen with earphons to rhythmic patterns of tones and asked to tap their fingers to the tone  P and C listened to same tone mimicked one another in their synchronous tapping or listened to diff tones tapping their fingers at diff times  Ps who were mimicked looked upon C as more like a friend as they felt more similar to C, higher levels of compassion and more likely to help that P complete a long and uninteresting task later o Physical mimicry is basis of increased closeness among potential friends • Emotional mimicry helps build close friendships o Roommates micmicked reactions to film clips more closely than 2 random ppl Social Support • Enjoying strong emotional connections to good friends gives individuals a sense of social support, defined by strong feelings of being surrounded by good friends during times of need • Astrong network of friends gives the individual a sense that there are ppl to turn to in times of need – ppl with whom to share complex emotions • It buffers ppl from emotional breakdowns and beneficial to physical health • Social support reduces stress, anxiety and uncertainty during difficult and challenging times • Ppl with high social support show lower baseline levels of cortisol suggesting that having many good friends calms the hypothalamic-pituitary axis which is activated in fight and flight • Same social support reduces cortisol response to most powerful trigger of anxiety : giving a public speech • Study shows ppl who had fewer meaningful connections to others were 1.9-3.1x more likely to have died 9 yrs later Emotions in Hierarchical Relationships • Western countries – ppl believe that
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