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Attraction Ch 12.docx

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Western University
Psychology 2075
Corey Isaacs

Attraction, Love and Communication 2/1/2013 11:05:00 AM Chapter 12 Attraction  Poll where met current partner: o Friends: 33% o School: 12% o Family: 3% o Religious setting: 3%  Mere-exposure effect – the tendency to like a person more if we have been exposed to him or her repeatedly; works with other stimuli too; more likely to like girl next door than random o Attracted to people of the same: age, ethnicity, background, economic and social status  Homophilly: the tendency to have contact with people who are equal in social status o Greatest in race/ethnicity then education/age o Couples are least likely to be the same religion o Short term partnerships are as homophilous as marriages and common law relationships o 54% of Canadians have same education level o 46% prefer couple with same religion, 1/3 prefer same ethnic background, somewhere were different racial groups have coexisted for generations there tends to be more interracial relationships; Nova Scotia the more satisfied someone is with their relationship the more they assume the other person is similar to them  Matching phenomenon – the tendency for men and women to choose partners who match them and are similar in attitudes, intelligence and attractiveness o Dominant and submissive people have more satisfaction than 2 of the same o Similarity in attitudes is important but similarity in personality is not o Couples are similar in age, race and education  Physical attractiveness o Given a choice of more than on potential partner people will choose the more attractive one  Even kids 3 years old are more attracted to attractive people o Young people typically rate physical attractiveness as most important o Black people tend to find light skin more attractive o More important to males than females o Canadian average of self attractiveness rating: 6.7/10  Average to partners attractiveness: 8 /10  Interpersonal marketplace o Whom we are attracted to and pair off with depends a lot on how much we think we have to offer and how much we think we can “buy” with it o Historically women are based on attractiveness and men on success o Study rated attractiveness of people in yearbook photos, 15 years later people who were rated the most attracted in high school were more likely to have husbands who had high incomes and were highly educated o Survey rated attractiveness then asked about potential partners: more attractive women said that middle status jobs (electrician etc.) were not okay but less attractive said they were okay  Attraction online o People online are educated 20-40 year olds o 11% of people had visited a dating site o Main reason for use is to meet people they could otherwise not meet o Technology focuses on looking at persons interests and values o People in relationships that started online report lower relational intimacy than those that started face to face o First impression of someone is heavily influenced by imagination which can create powerful attraction o 1/4 of Canadians have misrepresented themselves online o eHarmony: 436 questions and pairs based on similarity o wants to make you experience a spark o duet system, 48 questions o Canadian online daters  2/3 met someone face to face, 27% of those 2/3 established a romantic relationship, only 3% married, o British survey  30% romantic relationship, 3% married  Reinforcement theory – Byrne’s law of attraction o Donn Byrne’s law of attraction: our attraction to another person is proportionate to the amount of reinforcement that person give us relative to the total number of reinforcements plus punishments that person gives us; we like people who give us rewards and dislike people who give us punishments  Most people like to interact with people who are similar because interaction with them is rewarding o We believe that others will have a higher opinion of us if our partner is attractive o We want high social status or earning potential because all the material things that people find rewarding cost money o Practical implications; in a new relationship give the person a lot of positive reinforcement, have good times so you associate each other with good times  Implicit egotism perspective: we are attracted to persons who are similar because they activate our positive view of ourselves o Men and women marry people who’s names resemble their own  Sociobiology – sexual strategies theory o View sexual behavior within an evolutionary perspective, thus focus on heterosexual relationships o Men and women who selected mates based on some preferences were more successful than those who chose based on other traits  Men prefer youthful and faithful women o Sociobiologists argue physically attractive person is more likely to be healthy and fertile than someone who isn’t; that is why we prefer more attractive o Study: physical attractiveness was considered more important by residents in societies that had greater prevalence of pathogens (attractiveness means good health)  However one study found that were was no relationship between rated facial attractiveness and clinical assessment of (although raters did rate more attractive people as healthier) o Women want an attractive mate and someone who can invest a lot of resources into them and their children  Resources are more important than the problem of identifying a reproductively valuable male and so women rate income and earning potential as more important than good looks o Study on university students for long term mates  Tactics that communicated sexual exclusivity or faithfulness were most effective in attracting a man for women  Intimacy o A quality of relationships characterized by commitment, feelings of closeness and trust, and self-disclosure o 3 dimensions of sharing  Affective (emotional)  Cognitive  Physical o Self disclosure – telling personal things about yourself  Social learning theorist argue: simple modeling and imitation might occur; one partner disclosure serves as a model for the other partner  Positive correlation between self disclosure and relationship satisfaction, same with sexual likes disclosure  Greater the self disclosure the more likely the relationship will continue  Self disclosure of emotion more closely related to intimacy than self disclosure of facts Love  Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love o According to his theory love has 3 components  Intimacy (closeness)  Most closely related to sexual behavior and sexual satisfaction  Passion The motivational component of love, attraction and drive for sexual expression, physiological arousal, fades quickly in relationships Intimacy and passion are often closely linked  Commitment (cognitive) 2 aspects:  Short term – the decision that you love someone  Long term – commitment to maintain that relationship o High levels of all 3 is consummate love (figure 12.5 pg. 276) o Acker and Davis recruited 204 adults  Commitment increased as relationship progressed form dating to marriage  Behavioural intimacy decreased (sharing inner feelings), “Stenberg’s intimacy” increased  Attachment Theory of Love o Quality of our attachment with parents affects us for the rest of our lives and affects our capacity to form loving attachments to others when were adults o BC psychologist Kim Bartholomew proposes that adults are characterized in their romantic relationships by one of 4 attachment styles based on perceptions of ourselves as well as our expectations of how others will respond to us  Secure lovers – sense of own lovability, and the expectation that other people are generally accepting and responsive  Preoccupied lovers – have a sense of their own un- lovability but a positive evaluation of other people  Try to achieve self acceptance by gaining the acceptance of the people they value, want to be close to partner but worried they might scare them away  Fearful lovers – have a negative expectation of themselves and others and expect to be rejected  Dismissing lovers – feel themselves worthy of love, but have a negative view of others, they maintain sense of independence o Dismissing and fearful both avoid intimacy o Preoccupied and fearful both depend on acceptance from others to feel good about themselves  49% of people are secure  12% preoccupied  21% fearful  18% dismissing o Attachment theory predicts that being similar in style is i
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