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P2.Q.1 Example #4.docx

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York University
Administrative Studies
ADMS 1000
Rebecca Jubis

General Comments This essay answer achieved a 66% (9/15). It is weakened by its overall lack of clarity and coherence, and by its failure to focus on a discussion of the behavioural approaches to management. Specific Comments The student begins by merely repeating the statement that should be discussed, and therefore she has wasted precious time. Moreover, the reader may be led to believe, at the beginning, that this statement is entirely correct. This sentence is confused and nonsensical; in fact, the student doesn't begin by explaining behavioural approaches. This term is too colloquial (or informal) to be used here. This is an example of a run-on sentence. The content improves towards the end, where the students takes a more critical approach. Key Recommendations for Improving this Answer In order to improve her grade, the student should have addressed the question more directly, using examples discussed in class (e.g. WestJet) or in the textbook. She might have tried to generate some questions to answer in her discussion, rather than just plunging into writing the answer. For instance, she might have posed the following questions to herself: Why do behavioural approaches lead to success? Why is this particular approach especially useful in today's economy? Part II--Essay Question #1 The Behavioural Approac
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