This essay answer achieved a 66% (9/15). It is weakened by its overall lack of clarity and coherence, and by its
failure to focus on a discussion of the behavioural approaches to management.
The student begins by merely repeating the statement that should be discussed, and therefore she has wasted
precious time. Moreover, the reader may be led to believe, at the beginning, that this statement is entirely correct.
This sentence is confused and nonsensical; in fact, the student doesn't begin by explaining behavioural approaches.
This term is too colloquial (or informal) to be used here.
This is an example of a run-on sentence.
The content improves towards the end, where the students takes a more critical approach.
Key Recommendations for Improving this Answer
In order to improve her grade, the student should have addressed the question more directly, using examples
discussed in class (e.g. WestJet) or in the textbook. She might have tried to generate some questions to answer in her
discussion, rather than just plunging into writing the answer. For instance, she might have posed the following
questions to herself: Why do behavioural approaches lead to success? Why is this particular approach especially
useful in today's economy?
Part II--Essay Question #1
The Behavioural Approac