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[VERSION 2] Complete Interpersonal Communication Notes - Part 2 (got 4.0 in the course)

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COMM 1040
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Interpersonal Communication Exam 3▯ ▯ Chapter 8 - Emotions▯ • emotional intelligence: ability to motivate ourselves to persist in the face of frustration, to control impulses and delay gratification, and to regulate our moods so we keep distress from swamping our ability to think, to empathize, and to hope▯ • emotional ineptitude: inability to control an emotional response▯ ▯ What are Emotions?▯ • emotions: feelings we experience in reaction to our surroundings and others▯ • how we feel about the interpersonal situation influences our emotions, feelings, and emotional response to situation▯ • our emotions are accompanied by physiological changes within our bodies and physical changes in our appearance▯ • becoming more aware of our emotional responses to people and events and others’ responses to us, we become more aware of what it is about the relationships we share that’s important to us▯ • our emotions help color our relationships▯ • resilience: ability to cope with and recover quickly from disappointments▯ ▯ Why Emotional Intelligence is Important?▯ • social intelligence: ability to understand and relate to people▯ • with interpersonal intelligence, able to recognize our own emotions and manage them by finding ways to handle such feelings as fear, anxiety, anger and sadness▯ • learn to display emotional self-control, channel emotions in service of a goal▯ • more likely to recognize similar emotions in others▯ • critical for developing self-understanding▯ • emotionally tone-deaf: unable to listen empathetically; do not have as many fulfilling relationships▯ ▯ The Look/Feel of Emotions▯ • surprise = briefest of all emotions▯ • anger = feel when someone interferes with our ability to pursue or attain a goal, restraining us physically/psychologically, holding us back or causing us to feel that we’re incapable or unworthy...also produced by actions of others that reveal disregard for our feelings or disdain for us▯ • need to learn constructive ways to express angry feelings, using assertiveness rather than aggressiveness▯ • expressing angry feelings in assertive ways (respectful of our needs and feelings as well as others) is the healthiest means of dealing with anger▯ • adopt a more balanced perspective, identify the problem, and focus on facing and handling it▯ • humor is useful for helping us to avoid taking ourselves or the situation too seriously▯ • happiness = social laughter, contributes to interpersonal bonding/feelings of closeness, source of health and well-being▯ • having many positive experiences enhances feelings of happiness▯ • resilience and ability to produce “synthetic happiness” makes it possible for us to make the best of every experience▯ • sadness = accompanying sadness are a drop in energy and slowing of body’s metabolism▯ • fear = body tells us that something’s wrong▯ • disgust = feelings of disgust do more than upset your stomach, alters your behavior▯ • facial expressions are not merely visible signs of emotions, they may be the cause of emotion!▯ • Robert Plutchik studied 8 primary emotions that can combine/mix.... with greater understanding of the conflicting mixtures of emotions we experience, then we can describe our feelings more accurately, develop keener awareness of how they affect us & process/respond to them appropriately▯ • emotion contagion: better able we are to tune in the moods of others (aka more empathetic we are) then the better our chances of catching the mood of the person whom we are communicating▯ ▯ Emotions Affect Evaluations▯ • relationship itself doesn’t experience emotions - we do▯ • emotion trait: when we experience a specific emotion during person to person interactions regardless of whom we’re interacting with▯ emotion state: emotional process of limited duration lasting from second to hours and • varying in level of feeling from mild to intense▯ ▯ Relationships and Emotions▯ • emotions can facilitate/impede development of healthy relationships▯ • coping: managing of emotions▯ • can try to remove the problem... this is difficult/almost impossible▯ • or can change the way we interpret situation and our emotional response to it▯ ▯ Are your Emotions Facilitative or Debilitative?▯ • facilitative: support our well-being, positive emotions▯ debilitative: impede our well-being, negative emotions▯ • • we often feel debilitative emotions more intensely and for longer periods▯ • how we experience and express our emotions can be facilitating or debilitating and can affect our relationships with others▯ ▯ What Do You Tell Yourself?▯ • how you interpret events often holds key to handling your emotions▯ • we interpret the actions of others based on our feelings and the reasons we use to explain their behavior▯ • attribution theory: our belief regarding whether a specific behavior is due to a person’s personality or to the situation the person finds him/herself in affects our evaluation of that person▯ • what we determine to be reasons for someone else’s behavior (rightly/wrongly) directly influences our perception of and feelings toward that person▯ • so even though that person may not be a mean person, we attribute the mean behavior to the person’s personality instead of thinking about the situation that may have caused the meanness▯ ▯ What Do You Tell Another Person?▯ • describe your feelings▯ • when we share feelings, we make other person more aware of how his/her actions affect us▯ • describing feelings: not judging the other person▯ • displaying feelings: conveys an evaluation... i.e. “That was the most stupid thing you’ve ever done!”▯ • emotion is one of the most consequential outcomes of interaction▯ ▯ What Is Your Emotional Attachment Style?▯ • 3 styles according to Amir Levine: avoidant, anxious, and giving▯ • avoidant = feel overwhelmed if bombarded with too much emotion▯ • anxious = uncomfortable communicating feelings▯ • giving = secure in showing affection, comfortable with being on the sending and receiving ends▯ ▯ Culture & Emotion▯ • persons from warmer places tend to be more emotionally expressive than persons living in cooler climates▯ • our own cultural filters influence how we assess behavior and emotions displayed by persons from cultural groups other than our own▯ • collective cultures = preserve harmony & discourage expression of negative feelings▯ individualistic cultures = comfortable “telling it like it is”▯ • • face-saving: preservation of dignity, common among collectivistic cultures▯ ▯ Gender & Emotion▯ • men more emotionally reserved, friendships lack emotional depth compared to women’s friendships▯ • men = doing rather than talking▯ • women more likely to reveal wide range of feelings▯ • observers are less accurate in discerning men’s emotions than they are at women’s▯ • women also better than men at noticing the clues▯ • women tend to prefer intimate talk▯ • men prefer instrumental demonstration of commitment▯ ▯ Media & Tech▯ • media models: images affect our emotions▯ • heavy tv viewers perceive world to be a meaner and more sinister place▯ • for heavy tv viewers, tv serves as a vital source of info for constructing their image of the world▯ • influence our behavior because people more likely to do what we have seen▯ • active participates with this advanced tech▯ • telepresence: takes our body with us into another world, sense of physically being in a different place or time▯ • now people can participate more fully in sensory experiences that elicit feelings and emotions we otherwise might never have experienced▯ • flaming = losing of emotional self-control while sending a message online▯ • flame wars = exchange of out-of-control online messages▯ • technology can arouse us, involve us, affect our relationships with others or leave us cold▯ ▯ Gaining Comm Competence▯ • change unproductive thinking▯ • Albert Ellis, negative beliefs we hold about events and people cause us mental anguish and lead to mental/physical discomfort▯ realize how we feel, look for factors that trigger debilitative reactions▯ • • we create our own moods and emotional states with words we used during self-talk▯ • work hard to describe your feelings and intensity▯ • identify yourself as the feelings’ source▯ • share all feelings fully in the interest of openness▯ • wait a bit, collect your thoughts, consider the best way to express your feelings to whoever you believe triggered your anger▯ *think before you let your emotions get the best of you*▯ • let other person understand how you want him/her to respond to your expression of feelings▯ ▯ Chapter 9 - Trust▯ ▯ What is trust?▯ • trust: displaying the willingness to rely or depend on another person▯ • we want people to perform basic services, give us direction, provide emotional needs▯ ▯ Bases of Trust▯ • amount we place in another is based on our perception of that person’s character▯ • we judge someone to be a good character if we have faith in their integrity, motives, consistency of behavior and discretion▯ • to foster the development of a mutually trusting relationship, need to create climate that reduces chances of rejection/betrayal which each of us fears▯ ▯ Components of Trust▯ • trusting behavior: confidence in another’s behavior▯ • expect another person to behave in a way that can have either harmful or beneficial results▯ • aware that whether outcome positive or negative depends on other person’s actions▯ • think other person will behave in ways that produce beneficial results (give them benefit of the doubt)▯ • trustworthy behavior: behavior exhibited by other person that confirms our confidence▯ • become aware of the motivational preferences of another person▯ • other person has confidence in us & relying on us to help him/her accomplish this▯ • respond by exhibiting expected behavior▯ ▯ Failed Trust▯ • trust takes time to develop...and relatively easy to destroy▯ • makes sense for you to continue relying on a person whose behavior you believe you can predict with relatively consistent accuracy▯ • trust can lead us to reveal imp info about ourselves & help us improve our self- awareness & understanding▯ trust is like interpersonal glue... gives relationship value▯ • ▯ Forgiveness▯ • a manifestation of the personal control we have over our lives▯ • similar to how deciding whether/not to take offense in first place is a choice▯ • forgiveness process:▯ 1. self-justified anger▯ 2. anger doesn’t feel good & want to repair damage▯ 3. realize forgiveness has beneficial effects and letting go of anger fairly quickly▯ 4. making proactive choice to rarely get angry▯ willingness to forgive also may be influenced by gender▯ • • unable to forgive a violation of trust -> danger of experiencing emotional difficulties, interpersonal problems, and physical/bodily problems▯ • those unwilling to forgive experience more depression and likely to have less fulfilling relationships than those who are more forgiving▯ • Nelson Mandela, “resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy”▯ • learning to forgive yourself as imp as learning to forgive others▯ ▯ Cost-Benefit Theory▯ • when expectations such as these are met, find relationships satisfying▯ when they go unfulfilled we find relationship lacking▯ • • cost-benefit theory (social exchange theory): work to sustain those relationships that give us the greatest total benefit▯ • perceived relationship rewards- perceived relationship costs = perceived relationship benefits▯ • comparison level for alternatives: a comparison of profits and costs derived from one relationship with those that might be derived from another relationship▯ ▯ Defining Relational Situation▯ • competitive = try to protect ourselves, everyone for himself, “one up” people▯ cooperative = sharing, interdep efforts, trust found, comm channels open▯ • • if we perceive goals to be congruent then it’s easier to create a cooperative atmosphere▯ • unlike competitive, cooperative do not depend on one person gaining edge over other and do not promote lying/defensiveness▯ • defensive = person perceives/anticipates threat, when person insecure so experience negative feeling and respond by being defensive, often distort what other person says to preserve sense of self▯ • supportive = reduce threat level individuals experience▯ ▯ defensive supportive 1. Evaluation▯ 1. Description▯ - judgmental statements impede - neutral statements promote communication communication 2. Control orientation▯ 2. Problem orientation▯ - promotes resistance - promotes cooperation (no use of force) 3. Strategy▯ 3. Spontaneity▯ - presence of a hidden agenda - deception-free 4. Neutrality▯ 4. Empathy▯ - communicates indifference - communicates concern 5. Superiority▯ 5. Equality▯ - encourages jealously or resentment (if - encourages trust someone’s always trying to one up you) 6. Certainty▯ 6. Provisionalism▯ - encourages perceptions of inflexibility - encourages perceptions of flexibility (no feeling of needing to be right) ▯ Deception & Relationship Ethics▯ • lie: deliberate distortion or concealment of information; intentional deception of another person to convince him/her of something one knows to be untrue▯ • overt lie: deliberately lying by distorting truth▯ • covert lie: concealing sensitive information▯ • white lie: minor falsehood that’s not meant to harm/injure anyone▯ ▯ Defensive Strategies - Lying to Ourselves▯ • protect ourselves▯ • displacement - communicate our feelings onto someone/something else▯ • repression - forgetting/denial of disturbing stimuli▯ • rationalization - give ourselves logical/reasonable explanation for our unrealistic pictures, thoughts or feelings▯ ▯ Relational Counterfeiters▯ one based on deception that’ll lead to interpersonal failure▯ • • formed due to one of these: gain reward or avoid punishment▯ ▯ Effects of Lying▯ can destroy basis of relationship▯ • • once someone lies to you, you feel wronged and reinterpret/reevaluate relationship & cannot fully trust this person again▯ ▯ Gossip▯ • number of psychologists once again contend it’s a natural activity & critical to humans▯ • can be a powerful socializing force▯ • we can’t groom each other so we use speech to maintain contact▯ • gossip = social communication▯ • bad form is cyberbullying leading to cyberbullicides▯ • also bad when info being shared is inaccurate and directed at those no present to defend themselves▯ ▯ Culture & Trust▯ • some less apt to trust someone we perceive to be different from us▯ • ethnocentrism (thinking your culture is better than others) = limits development of trusting relationships ▯ • cultures differ in emotional expressiveness▯ ▯ Gender▯ • women like to share feelings▯ • men like to share activities▯ • men assume trust and rarely discuss it▯ • women talk about dynamics▯ • women more likely than men to sense when partner is in trouble & provide empathetic response▯ • sometimes women pretend not to detect a lie so they don’t have to put relationship in jeopardy (so women more self-deceptive than men)▯ ▯ Media & Tech▯ • women and girls often presented as being in competition with each other especially for men▯ • so women seen as “catty”▯ • minority groups stereotyped or neglected▯ • unfairly labeling or stigmatizing individuals, media portrayals may negate human value and affect person to person interaction▯ • online communication no longer gives you safety/security▯ • accessible to many people▯ reduces inhibitions and frees us to reveal info we’d be hesitant to share (good and • bad)▯ • people lie more online than they would face
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