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Interpersonal Communication Notes [COMPLETE]: Part 4 - I got a 90% in the course!

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COMM 1040
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Chapter 8: Conversational Messages 02/20/2012 • Some researchers think of the words conversation and interpersonal communication as synonymous • Conversation: relatively informal social interaction in which the roles of speaker and hearer are exchanged in a nonautomatic fashion under the collaborative management of all parties The Conversation Process • Convenient to divide up conversation into chunks or stages and to view each stage as requiring a choice as to what you’ll say and how you’ll say it • Stages and way people follow them depend on the personalities of the communicators, their culture, the context, purpose, and other factors 1) Opening • Phatic communication: a message that establishes a connection between two people and opens up the channels for more meaningful interactions- can be verbal or nonverbal • In normal conversation, the greeting is reciprocated with a greeting of similar degree of formality and intensity 2) Feedforward • You provide some kind of feedforward that gives the other person a general idea of the conversation’s focus • May identify the tone of the conversation or the time required • Four major functions of feedforward: • To open the channels of communication: phatic communication is info that tells you that the normal, accepted rules of interactions will be in effect and that the other person is willing to communicate o Listener’s short comments that are unrelated to the content of the conversation but that indicate interest and attention may also be considered phatic communication To preview the message: feedforward messages are used to preview the content, the importance, the form or style, and the positive or negative quality of the subsequent messages To disclaim: the disclaimer is a statement that aims to ensure that your message will be understood as you want it to be and that it will not reflect negatively on you To altercast: feedforward is often used to place the receiver in a specific role and to request responses in terms of this assumed role, altercasting asks that he or she answer from a particular perspective • Conversational awkwardness occurs when feedforwards are used inappropriately, ex. If they are overly long or omit info • Often the feedforward is combined with the opening • Suggestions for effective feedforward: • Use it to estimate the receptivity of the person to what you’re going to say • Use feedforward that is consistent with your subsequent message • The more important or complex the message, the more important and more extensive your feedback needs to be 3) Business • The term business is used to emphasize that most conversations are goal directed, you converse to fulfill one or several of the general purposes of interpersonal comm. (to learn, relate, influence, play, or help) • Taboos- topics or language that should be avoided, especially by outsiders • The business is conducted through an exchange of speaker and listener roles, brief rather than long speaking turns characterize the most satisfying conversations 4) Feedback • You reflect back on the conversation to signal that, as far as you’re concerned, the business is completed • Each feedback opportunity presents you with choices: • Positive-Negative: positive feedback tells the speaker that he or she is on the right track and should continue communicating in essentially the same way. Negative feedback tells the speaker that something is wrong and that some adjustment should be made. • Person focused- Message focused: feedback may center on the person or the message • Immediate-Delayed: feedback is often sent immediately after the message is received, but in some communication situations the feedback is delayed • Low-monitoring-high-monitoring feedback: varies from the spontaneous and totally honest reaction (low-monitored) to the carefully constructed response designed to serve a specific purpose (high-monitored) • Supportive-critical: supportive feedback accepts the speaker and what the speaker says, critical feedback is evaluative and judgmental • Categories of feedback are not exclusive, they can be both ends of the spectrum of choices above • Every situation is unique but there are some suggestions for effectiveness: • Focus on the behavior of the message rather than the motives behind the message or behavior • If your feedback is largely negative, try to begin with something positive • Ask for feedback on your feedback • When you are the recipient of feedback, be sure to show your interest in the feedback • Check your perceptions- make sure you understand the feedback 5) Closing • The closing is the goodbye and often reveals how satisfied the persons were with the conversation • When closings are indefinite or vague, conversation often becomes awkward • The closing and the feedback might be combined, ex: “I’ve got to think more about this, okay?” Chapter 8 Section 2 02/20/2012 Conversational Management • Speakers and listeners have to work together to make conversation an effective and satisfying experience Conversational management: initiating, maintaining, and closing conversations • Initiating Conversations • Self references: say something about yourself • Other-references: say something about the other person or ask a question Relational references: say something about the two of you • • Context references: say something about the physical, social-psychological, cultural, or temporal context • Generally best to lead a conversation off with something positive rather than negative Cute-flippant openers: humorous, indirect, and ambiguous as to whether or not the person is opening • the conversation really wants an extended encounter, “is that really your hair?” • Innocuous openers: highly ambiguous as to whether these are simple comments that might be made to just anyone or whether they’re in fact openers designed to initiate an extended encounter, “what do you think of the band?” • Direct openers: demonstrate clearly the speakers’interest in meeting the other person, “would you like to have a drink after dinner?” • One advantage of cute-flippant openers is that they’re indirect enough to cushion any rejection- least preferred by both men and women • both men and women generally like innocuous openers, they’re indirect enough to allow for an easy out if the other person doesn’t want to talk Chapter 8 Section 2 02/20/2012 • On direct openers, men like direct openers that are very clear in meaning while women prefer openers that aren’t too strong and that are relatively modest Maintaining Conversations • You follow a variety of principles and rules in maintaining conversation • The principle of cooperation; cooperation: implicitly agreeing with the other person to cooperate in trying to understand what each is saying • The Principle of Cooperation: • You cooperate largely by using for conversational maxims: principles that speakers and listeners in the United States and in many other cultures follow in conversations Quantity maxim: you include information that makes the meaning clear but omit what does not; you give neither too little nor too muc information Frequently violated in email communication: chain emails send info people don’t need or want, they reveal people’s email addresses, large attachments take time to download Quality maxim: say what you know or assume to be true, and do not say what you know to be false, when you’re in conversation, you assume that the other person’s information is true Manner maxim: you use terms that he listener understands and you clarify terms that you suspect the listener will not understand. You are clear, avoid ambiguities, are relatively brief, and organize your thoughts into a meaningful sequence. In Japanese conversations, there is maxim of preserving peaceful relationships- it would be considered inappropriate to argue and to directly demonstrate that another person is wrong, do not contribute to their loss of face In China, there is a maxim of self-degradation, that may require you to avoid taking credit for something or to make less of a talent you have to elevate the person to whom you’re speaking • The Principle of Dialogue: • Monologue: communication in which one person speaks and the other listens; there’s no real interaction among participants Monologic communication: you speak without any real concern for the other person’s feelings or attitudes, monologic communicator is only concerned with his or her own goals and is interested in the other person only insofar as that person can be used to achieve those goals • Effective communication is based on dialogue not monologue • Dialogue: there is two-way interaction, each person is both speaker and listener, sender and receiver Chapter 8 Section 2 02/20/2012 • Dialogic communication: there is deep concern for the other person and for the relationship between the two people • In dialogic communication, you implicitly or explicitly let the other person know that whatever choices they make, they will still be respected as people • The Principles of Turn-Taking: • The defining feature of conversation is that the speaker and listener exchange roles throughout the interaction through a wide variety of nonverbal and verbal cues that signal conversational turns • Conversational turns: the changing or maintaining of the speaker or listener role throughout the conversation • Speaker cues: • Turn-maintaining cues: designed to help you maintain the speaker’s role, speakers are expected to maintain relatively brief speaking turns and to turn over the speaking role willingly to the listener • Turn-yielding cues: you tell the listener that you’re finished and wish to exchange the role of speaker for that of listener, these cues tell the listener to take over the role of speaker • In the same way you expect a speaker to yield the role of speaker, you also expect the listener to willingly assume the speaking role • Most common violation of turn-taking violations in marriage was no response, other violations include interruptions, delayed responses, and inappropriately brief responses • Listener cues: • Turn requesting cues: lets the speaker know that you’d like to take a turn as speaker • Back Channeling Cues: • Back-channeling cues: used to communicate various types of information back to the speaker without your assuming the role of speaker- “acknowledgment tokens” Back channeling cues are generally supportive and confirming and show that you’re listening and are involved in the interaction To indicate agreement or disagreement To indicate degree of involvement To pace the speaker To ask for clarification Interruptions: attempts to take over the role of the speaker, not supportive and are often disconfirming Interruptions are often interpreted as attempts to change the topic to a subject that the interpreter knows more about or to emphasize the person’s authority, seen as attempts to assert power and to maintain control Those in positions of authority tend to interrupt those in inferior positions more than the other way around Gender difference: men interrupt both women and men more than women do Chapter 8 Section 2 02/20/2012 The more male-like the person’s gender identity- regardless of biological sex- the more likely it is they will interrupt Closing Conversations: • Often a difficult task, can be awkward and uncomfortable • Suggestions: • Reflect back on the conversation and briefly summarize it so as to bring it to a close • Directly state the desire to end the conversation and to get on with other things • Refer to future interaction • Ask for closure • State that you enjoyed the interaction Chapter 8 Section 3 02/20/2012 Conversational Disclosure: Revealing Yourself • Self disclosure: communicating information about yourself to another person, may involve info about your values, beliefs, and desires, your behavior, or your self-qualities or characteristics • Both overt and carefully planned statements about yourself as well as slips of the tongue would be classified as self-disclosure, can also be nonverbal such as your clothing • Self disclosure may involve your reactions to the feelings of others • Self disclosure occurs in all forms of communication, not just interpersonal • Reciprocal self-disclosure occurs more quickly and at higher levels online • You self disclose for a variety o
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