CH. 3.docx

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Department
Family Relations and Human Development
Course
FRHD 1020
Professor
Robyn Pitman
Semester
Winter

Description
CHAPTER 3 DATING AND MATE SELECTION Dating Now and the Past • Prior to the 1920’s dating activities was closely regulated by parents or other family members  At time dating was seen as an indication of commitment to marriage • After WW1 dating was less supervised  Courtship became an important rite passage  Dating followed 4 stages: casual dating, steady dating, engagement and marriage  There was a high rate of marriage and a decrease in age at marriage  For women dating was an essential stage of life with the main goal of attaining a husband • In the 1960’s women gained more freedom and dating practices shifted • Traditionally men were the initiators, planners and payers for dates, today women have more of a direct role • Dating was less formal and more spur of the moment • Hanging out with a group in a commonplace allows individuals to develop friendships or intimate relationships • Technology has become a source for meeting individuals through internet dating, social networking sites, chat rooms and reality TV • Goal of dating has shifted to having fun and meeting new people • Dating follows script  man asks woman out, he plans the event, picks her up, brings her home, and pays for date that he initiated • Hooking up a physical (sexual) encounter without any expectations of a relationship to follow • Dating nowadays refers to a man and a woman who are already a couple attending functions together • Dating can be a source of pressure as it is often linked to social status • The extent of dating that occurs depends somewhat on the subculture to which a person belongs • Parenting style can influence dating opportunities  certain cultures may restrict dating opportunities by trying to foster cultural identity  Parents who try to control their children’s social lives are at risk for dating rebellion CHAPTER 3 DATING AND MATE SELECTION • Interracial dating is increasing but interracial marriages are rare • Arranged marriage is the practice of having someone other than the individual who will be married select the marriage partner, avoiding the practice of dating  The marriage partner can be chosen by parents, extended family, matchmakers, religious leaders because they have practical knowledge and experience while young adults chose partners based on emotions  Purpose of marriage is to have a family – love is expected to develop as marriage progresses Functions of Dating • Dating can establish short-term sexual encounters and relationships, mate selection, cohabitation for practical purposes and to avoid being alone, cohabitation as a trial or precursor of marriage, and cohabitation as a substitute to marriage • Main functions of dating 1. Gaining status  Rating effect of beauty when you are dating someone attractive, people believe you must have some positive traits that make you a desirable partner 2. Socialization  It allows men and women to learn how to behave and adjust to others in an intimate context 3. Recreation 4. Mate selection  Allows you to determine whether a particular person would make a good life partner Dating and Sex • Sex has been de-linked from marriage and family, whereas before sex was supposed to occur in the context of marriage only • 4 general premarital sexual standards: 1. Abstinence is a belief that sex should occur only in the context of marriage 2. Permissiveness with affection is a belief that sex is considered okay if two people are in love (don’t necessarily have to be marries) 3. Permissiveness without affection is a belief that love does not have to exist for a person to have premarital sex 4. Double standard occurs when there is a belief that women should practice permissiveness with affection but is considered okay for men to practice permissiveness without affection CHAPTER 3 DATING AND MATE SELECTION • Although attitudes towards premarital sex have become more permissive it is still regulated (incest or public affection) • Premarital sex is occurring at different rates depending on age, gender, and ethnicity Attraction: First Step towards Dating • Propinquity theory we are attracted to those individuals who are around us • Similarity theory we like those who are similar to us  Similarity allows people to have shared experiences, helps us strengthen relational identity, and lowers the risk of breakup  Assertive mating occurs when we chose a partner based on certain traits  Homogamy we chose a mate with traits similar to our own  We tend to like people who are close in age, education level, social class, ethnicity, and religion  We are attracted to people with similar attitudes and moods  Similarity leas to attraction and can help strengthen are attachment to someone • Complementary theory opposites attract  Often will exchange beauty for resources  Similarity drives competition  People with different interests allows us for the opportunity of self-expansion • Stimulus-Value-Role-Theory  We are initially attracted to external attributes (stimulus stage)  During stimulus stage we focus on choosing someone attainable not necessarily ideal (ex. We find someone attractive but not the most attractive person we know)  Second stage is value stage – we get to know each other and see if our attitudes, interests, and beliefs match  In value stage we disclose information through verbal interaction  Last stage is role stage – a role is set for behaviours that are expected of a person who occupies a specific position in a group  During role stage we evaluate a mate in two dimensions: (1) how we actually function in the relationship compared to how we expected we would function in the relationship and (2) how our partner functions in the relationship compared to how we expected him or her to function CHAPTER 3 DATING AND MATE SELECTION  Successful performance of our respective roles will lead to commitment • Psychological Reactance we like people we cannot have  Due to both internal and external barriers  A person is more desirable if he or she plays hard to get (internal barriers)  If they play hard to get it may be seen as they are not worth the trouble  External barriers may be if parent disapproves partner or geographical distance THE DARK SIDE OF DATING Getting a Date • With new technologies its becoming easier to find a date • Still stigma attached with online dating • It’s easy to be dishonest – lie about age, weight, and relationship status Interference • Most Canadians practice free choice dating • Our family and friends have large influence on who we choose, but the amount of influence varies by culture • We may check in with friends and family for approval and we might consider ending the relationship if they disapprove • People are more satisfied with a relationship if it was approved by their social network Violence and Coercion • Sexual coercion an experience if being pressured or forced by another person to have contact which involved touching of sexual parts or sexual intercourse – oral, anal, or vaginal • Females who are coerced have a greater number of sexual partners, low self-esteem, and low assertiveness • Initiators and victims (both male and female) are more likely to have more sexual partners and a history of childhood victimization than those who are not coerced or coercing • Guilt and intoxication are common strategies used to coerce another • Some have unwanted sex that is consensual because they may want to satisfy a partner, avoid relationship tension, promote intimacy, feel obligated because of a past experience, or feel unable to refuse CHAPTER 3 DATING AND MATE SELECTION • Risk factors for experiencing sexual aggression in relationships include men’s acceptance of traditional sex roles, men’s initiating and paying for a date, miscommunication about sex, alcohol and drug use, and adversarial attitudes about relationships • Length of time in relationship was not related to risk for sexual aggression • Date rape and dating violence occur because the individual is unable to take to role of the other • Consent is the act of willingly and verbally agreeing to engage in specific sexual conduct • Sexual assault is a non-consensual sexual act including but not limited to vaginal penetration, anal penetration and oral sex. Penetration includes insertion of objects or body parts • Sexual imposition is non-consensual sexual touching • Sexual harassment is any unwanted sexual attention, including but not limited to sexually threatening or offensive behaviour Honour Killings
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