chapter 12.docx

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University of Guelph
Family Relations and Human Development
FRHD 2280
Jess Haines

FRHD*2280 Chapter 12 – intimacy Introduction - Your intimates are those people you feel particularly close to who know and like you well and whom you know and like well - Intimate moments are those moments suggests being alone with a special someone - Intimate relationships is referring to sexual relations Friendship - Affection, approval, sympathy, and understanding are qualities essential to out concept of friendship - At age 7, a friend is someone who us to get together with and you can have fun with - In elementary school children put more emphasis on shared values and social attitudes, especially loyalty and mutual support Friends in adolescence - As children reach puberty the qualities of mutual trust, warmth and understanding become more and more important in a friendship o Trust becomes crucial because of the emergence of self-disclosure as a feature of friendship o Self-disclosure – the process in which individuals communicate to others intimate information about their experiences and feelings - Adolescents are more likely to turn to their friends for support when going through challenges and changes - Cognitively adolescents experience an increased ability to set one’s own viewpoint to the side and look at another’s perspective how friendship develop - there are three major views on the development of friendship – Sullivan’s, Erikson’s and Bowlby’s Stages of Friendship: Sullivan - believed we should look at development in terms of changing interpersonal needs and social relationships o at each stage if one is able to have their needs met they build up a scene of interpersonal security; if they do not have their needs met one will develop a sense of insecurity and anxiety - Stages of social needs according to Sullivan pg. 392 figure 12.1 o Finding a chum (preadolescents)  During this stage children seek to escape loneliness and gain a sense of well-being by developing a “specific new interest in a particular same sex fiend who becomes a best/close friends” which is triggered by a need for intimacy o Finding a partner (adolescents)  The need for sexuality emerges, as a result of both biologic and social changes in adolescents o In Sullivans view all adolescents face the challenge of coordinating the need for intimacy and the need for sexuality, but they do not all meet the challenge the same way  Some become involved with a romantic partner at a young age, some maintain non-sexual relationships with several very close friends o In the last stage of interpersonal development, adolescents must integrate themselves into society by forming number of mature interpersonal relationships that includes a committed love relationship The quest for intimacy: Ericson - the stage Ericson suggests fro adolescents s intimacy vs. isolation o the main challenge in this stage is to develop an intimate relationship that can take on a life and identity of its own without submerging the individual identities of the partners o only those who have already formed an identity will be mature enough to become involved in an intimate relationship (this idea is the opposite of sullivans view) attachment to friends: Boelby - believes that the experiences babies have with their parents leads them to develop internal working models (ideas and explanations about interpersonal relationships o children who unresponsive and inconsistent caregivers will develop working models of themselves as unworthy and of others as rejecting o on who is has nurturing caregivers will develop a positive view of themselves and others - securely attached babies will develop healthy later relationships and positive attitudes - dismissing babies will, in the future, hold back from becoming romantically involved out of fear of rejection - anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied children be eager, and even desperate to form romantic relationships - however, attachment styles in childhood do not determine the course of later relationships it simply sets one on a particular pathway who’s your friend? Similarities among friends - most of the time children make and keep friends on the basis of common interests, common activities and common ways of thinking and behaving - among high school students close friends tend to be similar in age, grade level, sex, ethnic background, SES, religion and attitudes toward school other sex friends - friendship between boys and girls are rare because the gender segregation that is typical of childhood still holds sway (i.e. “ewwww boys have cooties”), girls at this age are generally more mature, girls are often more relationship oriented and boys are more activity oriented and having any opposite sex friends can lead to teasing from peers - for boys having a other-sex close friend will make them feel good about themselves (this is not true for girls) What are friends for? - if a relationship has many positive qualities, such as trust and loyalty, it is seen as a high-quality friendship - if negative qualities outweigh the positive qualities, it would be considered a low-quality friendship the quality of friendships - those with higher self-esteem will have mire high-quality friendships where those with low self-esteem may constantly wonder if their friends even like them - boys quality of friendship often increase more in adolescents then girls (girl already have quality friendships) support and protection - adolescents with supportive friendships are more likely to form positive relationships with other peers - children without quality friendships are more likely to experience anxiety, submissiveness and low self-confidence which often leads to victimization (being bullied) - of those who are bullied, if they have at least one close friend, the emotional effects of bullying are not seen as intensely friendship risks - intimate self-disclosure may take the form of co-rumination which is when friends extensively discuss and re-discuss problems, bad situations and negative feelings - co-rumination has been linked with closer, high-quality friendships and to increased depression and anxiety o someone may tell your secret o girls are more likely to engage in co-rumination Romance The Dating Game - dating gives adolescents a socially recognized way to satisfy a variety of needs that are important to them, including: o recreation – doing something fun with another person o socialization – learning to get along with other-sex peers o status- associating with specific other-sex individuals to raise one’s social status o companionship – building a history of shared activities and exchanges with someone o sexual experimentation – self-explanatory o intimacy – establishing a uniquely close relationship with someone o courtship – looking for a partner for a long-term relationship development of dating - relationships with other-gender peers start when groups of boys and girls “hangout” together in groups - a resent study showed that the sequence went from same-sex gender activities, to hanging out in mixed-gender groups, to going on group dating, to having a boyfriend or girlfriend - since the early 1990s the percentages of older adolescents who say that they are actively dating has dropped steadily o this may reflect the less formal socializing among teens who dates and when - a decade ago around 90% of 15-year olds had dated now it is about 60% - dating and romantic relationships are more common among older teens as opposed to younger teens (no shit.. wish I was fucking 13 brah) culture and courtship - traditional societies keep tight rein on adolescents socializing o this is because, in their view, the only reason to socialize is courtship which will lead to marriage. They do not want adolescents becoming romantically inclined to be with someone other then who is suitable for them - the notion that marriage should be based on romantic love is relatively new I’ll take romance Romantic development - romantic relationships bring into play several different needs and behaviour systems
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