FMST 314 Ch1-13 Notes (No 7,12).docx

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University of British Columbia
Family Studies
FMST 314
Silvia Bartolic

May 21, 2012 FMST 314: Relationship Development Chapter 1 Learning Objectives: The Building Block of Relationships Describe the nature of intimate relationships and identify the six ways they typically differ from relationships that are more casual. - From textbook: in at least six specific ways: o Knowledge  Have extensive personal and often confidential knowledge about each other o Caring  They feel more affection with one another than with others o Interdependence  The extent to which they influence each other is frequent, strong, diverse, and enduring o Mutuality  Think of themselves as “we” and not just “I” o Trust  Expect that a partner will treat them fairly and honorably o Commitment  Expect their partnerships to continue indefinitely Discuss the need to belong including: What is it? What evidence supports its evolution? Can we explain our need for intimacy in a similar fashion? - Need to Belong is… o “A pervasive drive to form and maintain at least a minimum quantity of lasting, positive, and significant interpersonal relationships” (Baumeister & Leary, 1995, p.497). o We don’t require a lot of close relationships, just a few o Doesn’t matter who it is, as long as they can provide intimacy - Evidence that supports its evolution: o People who were loners were less likely to have children o Tendency to form stable affections connections to others would have been adaptive o Being in groups and working as a team was stronger than working alone - Why do we need intimacy? o We definitely need it at a very young age; humans are very vulnerable during infancy o We need frequent, pleasant interactions w/ intimate partners. If not, problems arise:  After divorce people have higher blood pressures and weaker immune systems  Most people feel more fulfilled in an unhappy relationships than they do when they are alone May 21, 2012  Depression, alcoholism, eating disorders tied to having inadequate ties to others o We need close relationships so we can share the “work” (it’s hard being a single parent!) o When a valued relationship is in peril we find it hard to think about anything else o Our well-being is affected by how well we satisfy our need to belong st Specify ways relationships changed between the 1960s and the beginning of the 21 century and identify the cultural forces that contributed to these changes. - Changes: o Fewer people are marrying o People are waiting longer to marry o People are more commonly living together before marriage o People are more commonly having babies before marriage o Divorces rates have skyrocketed o Married women are now a minority (in the US) o More children have been exposed to living in a single-parent home sometime during childhood o More children are having mothers that go to work, instead of staying at home - Cultural forces that contributed to these changes o Increase in general wealth: We want more now  Families become dual-earner  less traditional families o Expectations have changed from “you as a couple” to “you”; society is more self-centered o Internet! It’s easier finding a new mate than ever before o Reduction in religious participation o Generally you have more options than you did in the 1960s Identify different attachment styles, including how childhood experiences contribute to them and how malleable they are as we grow older. - Three (possibly four) attachment styles: o Secure: Acknowledge distress, turn to other for comfort/support o Anxious-Ambivalent: Hypersensitivity heightened distress o Avoidant: Don’t acknowledge distress and do not seek support o Disorganized-Disoriented (possible 4 group): Contradictory reunion behavior May 21, 2012 - How do childhood experiences contribute to your attachment style? o Secure: Caregiver was available and responsive. Infants were distressed when caregivers left, comforted when they returned, and engages in nonattachment behaviors when he/she was present (ie. Exploration) o Anxious/Ambivalent: Caregivers were inconsistent and insensitive in responsiveness. Infants were preoccupied with making sure their caregivers were present, to the point where it stopped them from engaging in nonattachment behaviors o Avoidant: Caregivers were rejecting and hostile. Infants were not distressed by their caregiver leaving and avoided contact in general o Disorganized/Disoriented: Infants were erratic in their actions towards the caregiver. Sometimes they would reject her and sometimes they would feel an extreme need for the caregiver to be present. - How malleable are they as we grow older? o Not much unfortunately… o In the absence of dramatic new experiences, people’s attachment styles can persist for decades (from textbook) o Attachment styles learned in childhood can lead people to create new relationships that reinforce their existing tendencies o However, we can still change: A third of us may encounter a real change in our attachment styles over a two-year period, and insecure styles are more likely to change than a secure style is. Very bad or good experiences can change attachment styles. Discriminate between sex differences and gender differences and reflect on the average size of these differences. - In general, differences are pretty small between genders. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” doesn’t really apply - Men are instrumental, women are expressive. It’s true, but the differences are small o Instrumental Traits:  Assertiveness, Self-Reliance, Ambition, Leadership, Decisiveness o Expressive Traits:  Warmth, Tenderness, Compassion, Kindness, Sensitivity to Others Reflect on androgyny and know its relationship to masculinity/femininity or expressiveness/instrumentality. - 1/3 of people are Androgynous (possess both instrumental and expressive qualities) May 21, 2012 Articulate how the Big Five personality attributes and concepts of self (including the self-enhancement and self- consistency motives) link to our relationships. - “Big Five” personality attributes: o Extroversion – how social you are, getting out into the world o Agreeableness – how easy-going you are with others o Conscientiousness – how organized and reliable you are, how well to are able to plan ahead o Neuroticism – How anxious and angry you can get o Openness to Experience – how willing you are to try new things and take risks - Self-Esteem: o Differences in self-esteem often cause conflicts in relationships  We find it hard to like ourselves if others don’t like us too  People w/ low self-esteem seem to underplay their partners’ love for them. They might even think they are being fake, so their self-esteem lowers even more o Our evaluations of ourselves contribute to our self-esteem  When we hold favorable judgments of our skills and traits, our self-esteem is high  The opposite is also true… o We tend to be happy in relationships where levels of self-esteem are equal Understand why homosexuality is not a major theme in the text. - The processes of close relationships are very similar in same-sex and heterosexual couples - So there isn’t much to say about homosexuality because it isn’t much different Spell out three assumptions evolutionary psychology has as part of and apply this to the concept of self-esteem. - How do evolutionary influences affect our close relationships? - Three fundamental assumptions w/ evolutionary psychology: o Parental investment: Women will choose their sexual partners much more carefully than men do. This is because in old times each child a woman has requires an enormous investment of time and energy. In contrast, the minimum requirement for a man was a single ejaculation o Paternity infidelity: Men are especially vigilant toward the threat of marital infidelity, and they generally feel less certain that their mates have been faithful to them than women do. A woman always knows for sure whether or not a particular child is hers, but a man can never be certain (in the past) o Cultural influences: Cultural change happens much faster than evolution; patterns of behavior that were adaptive eons ago may not fit the modern environments we inhabit now. Modern men may reproduce more successfully if they display a capacity for commitment and monogamy that encourages their partners to allow a pregnancy to occur. May 21, 2012 Comment on whether relationships are the sum of their parts or unique processes and properties that result from interactions that comprise two people. - Relationships emerge from the combination of their participants’ histories and talents - Think chemistry: the relationship two people create results from contributions from each of them may only faintly resemble the relationships they share with other people - Unmistakeable patterns of interaction will often distinguish one relationship from another, but the dynamic of a relationship is always changing Appreciate the risks we face in relationships and why we take them. - Relationships can be disappointing at times o When we are close to others people may fear their insensitive secrets will be used against them. Also, some of us fear intimacy more than others (again this comes down to attachment styles) o People sometimes confuse sex for love o With relationships comes a small loss of autonomy and personal control - So why do we get into relationships? o We are a social species o Our health is greatly affected without intimate connections to other people o They are essential Chapter 2 Learning Objectives: Research Methods Clearly explain why no research study is perfect. - Every study has its strengths and weaknesses - Some studies cannot be generalized to the entire population - All studies have some sort of bias, we can try to eliminate as much of it but it still exists Give a concise history of the study of relationships including Aristotle’s views on types of relationships, the th establishment of the modern study of relationships at the end the 19 century, the emphasis on laboratory experiments in the 1960s, and how the nature of relationship research has evolved since the 1960s. - Aristotle’s Views: o “Man is by nature a social animal” o Three different kinds of relationships  Relationships based on utility – we are attracted to others because of the help they provide  Relationships based on pleasure – we are attracted to others because they are pleasant and engaging May 21, 2012  Relationships based on virtue – we are attracted to others because of their virtuous character. These were the highest form because this was the only type where partners liked for themselves rather than a means to an end, and were the longest lasting o Aristotle only contemplated relationships; he did not actually make the effort to test his hypotheses - Modern study of relationships in the 19 century: o Late 1800s: some conceptual ideas about relationships started to emerge  Freud: parent-child relationships are essential in human development  Durkheim: Social disconnect was associated w/ suicide  Simmel: wrote about partnerships between two people (“dyads”) o These were simply observational though, no real data and evidence was found o That changed in 1898…Will S. Monroe asked 2336 children to identify traits and habits they considered to be important in selecting friends  Significant shift was made here – from philosophical analyses to analyses that were grounded in data and empirical evidence o 1960 and 1970s: New emphasis on laboratory experiments for relationship research  Byrne & Nelson in 1965 did a laboratory experiment, the conclusion was that apparent agreement caused people to like strangers more than disagreement did  The experiment wasn’t perfect but it was hugely important!  This demonstrated that sources of liking could be understood through lab experiments  The inclusion of laboratory experiments legitimized and popularized the study of relationships and interpersonal attraction o Today: Relationship science has grown to encompass new methods of considerable complexity and sophistication (…) Delineate three sources and two types of research questions. - Sources of research questions: o Personal experience – Their own relationships can alert them to important processes that could benefit from further studying o Social problems – Dramatic culture changes can also provoke careful study (ie. Huge increase in divorce rate from 1960 to 1980) o Previous research – Studies that answer one question may raise new ones - Two types of research questions: o How can I fully and accurately describe this event or this series of events? (Describing) o What past events in life subsequently cause this specific event or series of events to occur? (Causal connection) Contrast convenience to representative sampling and discuss how volunteer bias can detrimentally affect both. - Convenience sampling: o Sample from a group of individuals that is convenient for you  Pro: cost-effective and efficient. Can be a good starting point for detecting general trends  Con: Cannot be generalized to the entire population May 21, 2012 - Volunteer bias: o Of the people invited to participate in a study, those who accept differ from those who don’t o This is always a subtle form of bias that limits the applicability of research results among the demographic that wouldn’t normally choose to participate in a particular study Depict three different designs (correlational, experimental, and developmental including cross-sectional, longitudinal, and retrospective) for answering questions about relationships, including the important information each design can contribute as well as each design’s imperfections. - Correlational Design: o Trying to find an association between two variables  Limitation: Correlations can sometimes be ambiguous; you can’t really be sure if it was this particular variable that caused this outcome (it could been a different variable or a group of variables working together) - Experimental Design: o Researchers control and manipulate conditions, so we can determine causality (not just associations)  Limitation: due to ethical reasons we cannot use experimental designs to test everything (ie. We can’t force people to smoke if we want to determine if smoking causes cancer) - Developmental Design: o Study changes in behavior or events over time  Cross-sectional designs compare participants from different age groups or time periods  Longitudinal designs follow the same group of participants over time  Limitation of these two: Participant attrition – over a long period of time you gradually lose more and more participants  Retrospective designs use participants’ memories to recall past events. This prevents participant attrition  Limitation: memories are inaccurate, can’t always be relied upon Distinguish between laboratory and natural, everyday environments and structured environments and unstructured environments. Give the pros and cons of each, and discuss the study of “real” versus “as if” behavior. - Laboratory vs. Natural environments o In laboratory research you can control every aspect of your experiment, but the downside is it can be artificial, and people act a little differently because the setting isn’t the same o Natural environments promote real-world behavior, but not all variables can be controlled - Structured vs. Unstructured environments o ? - “Real” vs. “As if” behavior o When people are asked to role-play (ie. Act as if they were jealous, being cheated on etc.) reactions are often less vivid and less “heat-of-the-moment” May 21, 2012 o You have time to react in a more cool and collected manner (because in your mind you know it’s just pretend) Describe five different types of data (self-reports, observations, physiological measures, archival data, and couples’ reports), noting advantages and disadvantages (or inherent problems) of various techniques. Know when self-report is most accurate and the forms that observational data make take (narrative, global ratings, coding and sequential observations). - Self-reports/Sample Surveys: o Can be extremely varied  I can ask about something happening now or something that happened in the past  I can ask them summarize feelings or behaviors, or something much more concrete (“How many times did you have sexual intercourse in the past week?”)  I can ask for a feeling-based response or a fact-based response (“How satisfying is your relationship?” vs. “Did your partner give you a present for your birthday?”) o Cheap and efficient. You can obtain lots of data in a small amount of time o Limitations:  Interpretations of the questions can be different  People tend to forget about past events  People may not necessarily tell the truth about themselves (they want to make themselves look better than they actually do (anonymity can prevent this to an extent) - Observations: o Observe intimate relationships directly o Usually very detailed and avoid the problems that self-reports can have o Limitations:  People act differently when they know they are being observed  Very expensive and time-consuming! - Physiological Measures: o Measure behavior that people cannot conscious control (ie. Heart rate, muscle tension) o They are good because they allow researchers to explore ties between the physical and social sources of our behavior o Limitations:  Very expensive - Archival Data: o Use historical records as part of a study o Inexpensive o Limitations:  Material from a previous era may not contain all the information a research would really like to have - Couples’ Reports o Using paired data between couples o Each member of a couple provides a report of his or her own behavior and also acts as an observer of his or her partner’s behavior o This is good because it shows that the interpretations of certain actions are different between a couple May 21, 2012 Narrative, Global ratings, coding and sequential observations Enumerate key safeguards to the welfare of participants in relationship research, relating these safeguards to the effects research participation can have on participants, how people feel about their experiences as research participants in couples studies, and the benefits of research. - Should we really pry into people’s personal affairs? - Safeguards: o Detailed information is provided to potential participants so they can make an informed decision o They can withdraw at any time o Researchers can offer resources for couples’ counseling etc. should they wish to do so o Be compassionate basically…  Usually participants say they benefit and generally have a positive experience - Another benefit of research: to figure out what exactly what we should be spending money on Explain statistical significance and meta-analysis, indicating why they are valuable in accumulating knowledge about relationships. - Statistical significance: A result is statistically significant if the chances that the result could have occurred by coincidence are below a certain threshold (say 5% usually) o You can be confident that the studies have passed critical inspection by other scientists o Keep in mind the chance occurrence isn’t impossible, but just highly unlikely - Meta-analysis: The use of statistically combining various prior studies and their results to identify themes that they contain o If the prior studies all produce similar results, the meta-analysis makes it obvious o If there are discrepancies, the meta-analysis may be able to explain why Specify three challenges in researching relationships that do not appear when researching individuals (interdependence of data, levels of analysis, and three sources of influence). - Interdependence of data: o Most statistical procedures assume that one person’s responses are not influenced by anyone else, but that usually isn’t the case (especially if couples are involved) - Different levels of analysis: o We can analyze individuals, couples, or large groups of individuals (as an example) o Researchers must choose the correct level of analysis that they need for their study - Three sources of influence: o Relationships emerge from the individual contributions of each partner AND the unique effects of how they combine as a pair o Sophisticated statistical analyses need to study all of these components at once (adds more complexity to relationship science) May 21, 2012 Other Notes on Chapter 2: - Case Studies: o Target small specific groups of individuals o The aim of case studies is not to generalize… o Utilize a combination of methods for case studying  ie. Snowball method (start with who you know and ask them if they know anyone else that fit the criteria. Continue doing this until no new themes come out in study) - Qualitative vs. Quantitative studies o Qualitative studies – more about observations/details  Use in-depth analyses for specific groups  Generally use interviews and focus groups o Quantitative studies – deals more with trends  Can use things like sample surveys  Can’t be used to prove causation, only correlation Chapter 3 Learning Objectives: Attraction 1. Differentiate between direct and indirect rewards.  Direct: rewards we receive from interaction with others  Indirect: we may not always be aware of these rewards, usually associated with someone else. 2. Give evidence for and exceptions to the principles of proximity and familiarity in attraction. Explain one reason why proximity may foster liking.  Proximity: distance between 2 people that affect their relationships or potential relationships o When potential mates are nearby, it is easy to enjoy the rewards they offer o Distance is costly (gas, phone bill)  puts strain on relationship o Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder  Mere exposure: repeated contact o Increased exposure  our liking for the other person increases, their attractiveness also increases May 21, 2012  Exception to proximity and exposure  too much would lead to saturation and thus it could be boring o Familiarity increases attraction but overexposure does not 3. Discuss physical attractiveness including (a) the proposition that “what is beautiful is good,” (b) the factors that lead us to judge others as attractive, (c) an evolutionary perspective on attractiveness, (d) how attractiveness influences liking, (e) for whom physical attractiveness is more and less important, (f) the beneficial versus detrimental effects physical attractiveness has when we are interacting with others, and (g) matching.  “What is beautiful is good” o We assume that attractive people have desirable traits that complement their desirable appearances o Unconscious decision  we automatically assume this o Benefits of being attractive depend on the specific values of a culture o Attractive people earn 5% more than the general population  The factors that lead us to judge others as attractive o Women are more attractive if they have baby-faced features o Males:  Rugged,manly features are attractive when women are fertile before they ovulate  Baby faces are more attractive for the rest of the month o Both cases  people with average and symmetrical features are deemed to be more attractive o Women’s body shapes:  Most attractive waist-to-hip ratio is a curvy 0.7, where the waist is 30% smaller than the hips  Most attractive bust-to-hip ratio is a curvy 0.75 o Men’s body shapes:  Most attractive waist-to-hip ratio is 0.9  BUT, men’s WHR is only important when they have a healthy salary o Attractive and symmetrical people smell better than the rest of the pop. May 21, 2012 o Men are more attracted to women with long hair o Women are attracted to smart men o Both men and women are attracted to potential partners who are wearing something red.  An evolutionary perspective on attractiveness o Early humans who successfully sought fertile, robust, and healthy mates were more likely to reproduce successfully than others  How attractiveness influences liking o Men are attracted to women who are slender, young, and physically attractive o Women are attracted to men who are tall, young, and physically attractive o Predicts the prevalence of 2 people being interested in one another and to what extent they take the relationship after the first meeting  The interactive costs and benefits of beauty Attractive male Attractive female Advantage - more smiles, talk, positive - more dates feelings from others - more interaction, others - more interactions with perceive the relationship to be women a high quality one - better tips as a waitress Disadvantage - get lied to more often - people fabricate certain self-images to get dates with them - feel more mistrusting towards others  Matching: where partners in established romantic relationships tend to have similar levels of physical attractiveness 5. Know about the phenomenon of reciprocity in liking and relate the desirability formula to reciprocity as well as the matching principle. May 21, 2012  To enjoy the most success in the relationship marketplace, we should pursue partners who are likely to return our interests A potential partners = his/her x his/her probability desirability physical attractiveness of accepting you  Mate value: overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner o People with high mate value will want a mate who also has a high mate value o If they incorrectly evaluated their own attractiveness/mate value, then continuous rejection will eventually lead them to re-evaluate their own attractiveness  Balance theory: suggests that people desire consistency among their thoughts, feelings, and social relationships 6. Identify the domains in which we are attracted to people similar to ourselves.  Demography similarity o Age, sex, race, education, religion, and social class  Attitudes and values o The more agreement, the more liking  Personality similarity o Similar styles and traits o Similar personalities tend to have happier marriages 7. Elaborate on three subtleties in the way similarity operates that may mislead people into thinking that “opposites attract.”  Matching is a broad process May 21, 2012 o We may think that a 26 yr old woman and a 89 yr old man is a mismatch, but in a sense they have an equal amount of resources, just in different forms (money vs looks) o Involves multiple resources and traits, may be trading one asset for another in order to obtain partners of similar mate values  Discovering dissimilarities can take time o The more attractive others are, the more likely we are to expect that they have attitudes and values that are similar to ours o Perceived similarity: the quick judgment that one person is into the same things that you are o Stimulus-value-role theory: stimulus  age sex looks, value  similarity in attitudes and beliefs, role  agree on basic parenting, careers, and basic house tasks o Fatal attractions: occurs when a quality that initially attracts one person to another gradually becomes one of the most obnoxious, irritating things about that partner (THERE IS A PAPER ABOUT THIS)  Perceived versus real similarity; misperception lingers o We rarely get to know our partners as well as we think we do o Tend to think that they’re in love they think their partners to be 8. Discuss the issue of whether similarity fosters liking or dissimilarity fosters disliking.  The most appealing partners are those who are similar to us in most dimensions but who fit our attainable ideals in others  As time goes by, couples tend to share more similar attitudes o Newfound similarity may help keep partners together even when they didn’t start off having much in common 9. Explain the concept of complementarity and identify one specific form of complementarity that may foster attraction. May 21, 2012  Complementarity: reactions that provide a good fit to our town  We like partners with interests that are different than our own when we’re confident that we’ll get along well  Dominance and submission  the one form of complementarity that works 10. Identify reasons why similar people are attracted to one another.  Reassuring and rewarding to meet other who are just like us  Comforting and reminds us that we’re ok just the way we are  Usually they impress us with their fine judgments and good sense  When we have a lot in common, we expect to get along well with others, we expect them to like us, and that makes them likeable 11. Discuss two lines of research that show barriers can enhance our attraction to possible or actual partners and that indicate how the theory of reactance helps understand this phenomenon.  Reactance: when people lose their freedom of action, they strive to regain that freedom  common tendency for people to struggle to overcome barriers that keep them from what they want (the bar is closing!! You get more numbers)  Romeo and Juliet effect: the more their parents interfere with their romances, the more love the teens feel for their partners  Closing time effect: when one gradually finds the opposite sex more attractive as bars are closing down  occurs only among those who are seeking company they don’t have yet Chapter 4 Learning Objectives: Social Cognition Social cognition: the processes of perception and judgment with which we make sense of our social worlds. At the conclusion of Chapter 4, students should be able to: May 21, 2012 1. Discuss why first impressions often are automatic and influenced by demographic or stereotypic cues, and resistant to change.  We start judging people within the first 1/25 of a second  After 1/10 of a second we have made judgments on someone’s attractiveness, likeability, trustworthiness  Our criteria for judging is based stereotypically on those we have already met  Primary effect: a tendency for the first information we receive about others to carry special weight, along with our instant impressions and our stereotypes, in shaping our overall impressions of them  First impressions affect our interpretations of the subsequent information we encounter about others 2. Discuss the role confirmation bias plays in establishing new relationships and perpetuating initial assessments of existing relationships. Explain how confirmation bias contributes to making our assessments of our relationships less accurate than selected outsiders?  Confirmation bias: people seek information that will prove them right more than often than they look for examples that would prove them wrong o Gives us one-sided information about others that fits our preconceptions o We do not look for evidence that our first impressions are wrong  Overconfident: where people think that they are right, when they are actually wrong about first impressions  Confirmation bias leads to inaccurate assessments of our relationships because we tend to overlook the negative aspects of the relationship and only focus on the positive things o Would predict that their relationship would last longer than they actually did  If your female friends approve of a partnership, its likely to continue, but if they disapprove then the relationship is most likely going to end May 21, 2012 3. Specify how positive illusions can benefit our relationships.  Positive illusions: portraying one’s partner in the best possible light o A mix of realistic knowledge about the partners and idealized perceptions of them o To put less weight on the partners’ weaknesses and shine the spotlight on positive traits  Advantage of positive illusions: o When we are aware of the facts but interpreting them in a kind, benevolent fashion  more likely to commit to maintaining the relationship o Raises our self-esteem to be loved by others who we perceive to be so desirable o Slowly convince our partners that they actually are wonderful people we believe them to be  also improves their self-esteem o Associated with greater satisfaction, love, trust, and longer lasting relationships  Disadvantage of positive illusions: o If we are genuinely fooling ourselves, we may be dooming ourselves to disappointment o Less satisfaction as well when reality sets in 4. Identify the characteristics of relationship-enhancing and distress-maintaining attributions and their prevalence during the course of a relationship.  Attributions: the explanations we generate for why things happen, why a person did or did not do something o Identifies the cause of the event, emphasizing the impact of some influences and minimizing others  Relationship-enhancing: positive actions by the partner are judged to be intentional, habitual, and indicative of the partner’s character o Used by happy couples  controllable, stable, and internal attributions for each other’s actions o Put less emphasize on negative events, categorize them as external attributions that are also uncontrollable and unstable May 21, 2012 o Secure attachment style  Distress-maintaining: judges a partner’s negative events as deliberate, routine o Used by unhappy couples o Put positive events as unintended and accidental o When nice things happen, they put each others actions as temporary, uncharacteristic o High in neuroticism, pessimistic 5. Differentiate between the memory reconstructions of content versus unhappy couples and explain the impact of shared reconstructions on a relationship.  Reconstructive memory: memories are continually revised and rewritten as new information is obtained  If couples are happy  forget past disappointments  If couples are unhappy  underestimate how happy and loving they used to be  Leads us to believe that the relationship have always been more stable and predictable than they really were  Shared reconstructions  couples will tell you over and over again that their relationship has recently gotten better, so they are happier than they used to be o By remembering recent improvement with their relationship that has not actually occurred, people remain happier than they might otherwise be 6. Describe the impact destiny beliefs and growth beliefs have on the course of relationships and the role that attachment styles play.  Destiny beliefs: where they assume that two people are either well suited for each other and destined to live happily ever after o Inflexible view of relationship  either know they’re meant for each other right away, and the future will be happy and easy May 21, 2012  Growth beliefs: good relationships are believed to develop gradually as the partners work at surmounting challenges and overcoming obstacles o With enough effort, almost any relationship can succeed 7. Map out the steps in self-fulfilling prophecies using an example (e.g., physical attractiveness, social class, a personality characteristic, expectations or memories from past relationships). Recognize how misplaced expectations can block relationships from ever starting and comment on how false expectations persist or dissipate over time.  Steps in self-fulfilling prophecy: Perceiver forms P acts  subtly T interprets the an expectancy communicating his/her perceiver’s about the Target expectancy about the target behaviour T responds  usually in a P interprets the target’s reciprocal fashion, response  ignoring his/her kindness with kindness own role in producing it; and hostility with hostility support for the expectancy is likely to be perceived  When we make our false expectations come true, we never realize that we were ever wrong 8. Understand the distinction between self-enhancement and self-verifications motives and their relevance to selecting partners that support existing self-concepts, good or bad. May 21, 2012  Self-concepts: all of the beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves  Self-enhancements: the desire for positive, complimentary feedback o We like to hear good things about ourselves, and we try to associate with others who will help us support positive self images o “I like your earrings today”  Self verification: the desire for feedback that is consistent with one’s existing self-concept o We want feedback that sustains our existing self-concepts o “Does my hair look okay today?”  If people are choosing relationship partners carefully, they will seek intimate partners who support their existing self-concepts, good or bad o If you have a positive self concept and you are with someone who constantly reminds you, you will want to stay with them o If you have a negative self concept and you are with someone who dislikes them because at least to you, the world is understandable and stable with your point of view  If people are choosing romantic partners, they will seek people who will provide them with self-enhancement, even for people with negative self-concept o Marriage shift: once people settle in relationships long term, they will start to emphasize self-verification  people with negative self-concepts will start to not believe positive statements made to them by their spouse because 1. They think that their spouse is saying it just because, 2. They think that their spouse is a fool 9. Specify two reasons why we engage in impression management. Describe ingratiation, self- promotion, intimidation and supplication as four impression management strategies. Discuss three noteworthy features of impression management in close relationships. Identify the relational advantages and disadvantages of being either a very high or very low self-monitor.  Impression management: trying to influence the impressions of us that others form  2 reasons why we engage in impression management: May 21, 2012 o Anything we do in the presence of others may be strategically regulated in the service of impression management  any public behavior o It is a pervasive influence on social life  we are constantly concerned about what people think of us and what their evaluations of us are  4 strategies of impression management: o Ingratiation: when we seek acceptance and liking from others  we do favors, pay compliments, agree with others etc. Commonly used with romantic partners. Usually elicits favorable responses unless obviously used in a manipulative way. o Self-promotion: when we wish our abilities to be recognized and respected by others  recounting accomplishments or showing skills in public. o Intimidation: when we portray to others that we are ruthless and dangerous so that other people will do their bidding. If the recipients are children or impoverished spouses, this works. o Supplication: when people present themselves as inept to avoid obligations or to elicit help and support from others, to be pitied.  2 features of impression management with intimate partners: o The motivation with which people manage their impressions differ o These differences are consequential  High in the trait of self-monitoring  readily adjust their behavior to fit the varying norms of different situations o Alert to social cues, ready and willing to change their behavior to fit in o Tend to have more friends o In parties, they would have a lot of different groups of friends who have almost nothing in common o Invest less time in each of their friends so they have shorter, less committed relationships  Low in self-monitoring  less attentive to social norms and less flexible o Less skillful in altering their behavior, have the same stable impressions even when they don’t fit in o Less friends, but in a party they would have a small group of friends who are all very much alike o Longer, more committed relationships  Once we are in an intimate relationship, we go to less trouble to maintain favorable images for our intimate partners than we do for others May 21, 2012 o We know that we have them so we don’t try to present ourselves as beautifully as before o We sometimes get lazy 10. Explain how accurately we perceive (or do not perceive) our partners, giving a brief description of each factor (i.e., knowledge, motivation, partner legibility, perceiver ability, threatening perception, perceiver influence) and specifying each factor’s association with accuracy.  Our perceptions of our partners are fictions that portray our partners as people they are not.  Knowledge  the more that we know about our partner adds to the degree of accuracy that we perceive our partner  Motivation  the more effort that you put into understanding your partner, the more accurate you will be. Recently moved-in/married couples more accurately perceive their partners than those who have been married longer. Women spend more time thinking about relationships and thus understand their partners better. We also understand beautiful people more because we make an effort to understand them because they are beautiful.  Partner legibility  people who are sociable and extraverted are more likely to be accurately perceived because they are putting themselves out there, whereas people who are high in neuroticism are more private.  Perceiver ability  people who have good social skills tend to be better at judging others because they are high in emotional intelligence (a set of abilities that describes person’s talents in perceiving, using, understanding, and managing emotions).  Threatening perceptions  when accurate perceptions are threatening to a person, they will be motivated to be inaccurate to fend off the threat/doubts about their relationship/partner. People with a preoccupied attachment style were more accurate in judging their partners  they are like moths drawn to flame and start to get unhappy about the relationship in the end. People with dismissing styles will divert their attention and ignore distressing information.  Perceiver influence  perceptions that are initially inaccurate may become correct as we induce our partners to become the people we want them to be. If our partner is unhappy May 21, 2012 and we thought that they were happy, we may try to cheer them up and change their mood and thus they will become happy. Chapter 5 Learning Objectives 1. Depict a simple model of interpersonal communication and explain how the talk table technique helps researchers get at its components. Simple model of communication 1. intentions  Sender’s intentions private and only known to them 2. Actions  Must encode into verbal and non-verbal actions that are public and observable o May be influenced by sender’s social skill, style of sending messages, surrounding noise/environment 3. Effect on listener  Private, only known by listener,  you may not intend to annoy your partner, but likely to do so anyway (unhappy couples do not differ from happy couples in what they intend to say to their partners)  Model of communication involves several steps where misinterpretation may occur. There is often an interpersonal gap that occurs, which is a discrepancy between what the sender intends to say and what the listening thinks he/she hears The talk table  Rate what you “intend” to say before you actually say it  Partner records how they perceived the message and predicts how happy they will be later on in life o Lets researchers collect a record of private thoughts and public actions 2. Enumerate at least three (and preferably six) functions that nonverbal communications serves.  Providing information – about people’s moods or about what they really mean by what they say o Husband’s facial expression leads wife to judge that he is upset  Regulating interaction – determine whether or not interaction ever begins, subtle nonverbal cues allow people to take turns in a conversation seamlessly o A woman looks at her partner continuously as the tone of her voice drops on her last word, and he starts speaking because he knows she’s done May 21, 2012  Defining the nature of the relationship two people share -- type of behaviour between two people may show what kind of relationship they have with one another o people who are intimate with each other use different non-verbal cues (holding hands) compared to acquaintances (hand shake) , and dominant people behave differently towards subordinates  social control – goal-oriented behaviour designed to influence someone else o touches on arm when asking for favour, eases the negative impact of asking for a favour – trying to control situation to work in one’s favour  presentational function o non-verbal behaviour that is managed by a person or a couple to create or enhance a particular image (eg: couple may be fighting in the car on the way to an event but pretend to be happy once they get there)  service task function o patterns of nonverbal involvement are determined primarily by service or task-oriented goals in an interaction (eg: close approach and touching initiated by a physician is part of the job and not suggested liking or intimacy) 3. Describe six channels of nonverbal communication (facial expression, gaze, body language, touch, interpersonal distance, and paralanguage) and detail the information each provides and each channel’s demographic correlates.  Facial expression -- shows how people are feeling (happy sad angry surprised) o Universal = these expressions are hardwired into our species, o May intensify, minimize, or neutralize, mask our true feelings  Gazing behavior – the direction and amount of a person’s looking behaviour o Helps communicate interest  someone who keeps looking at us seems more attractive than someone who glances and looks away o Defines relationship  lovers spend more time looking at each other, can communicate affection. When strangers look into each other’s eyes for a long time, they end up liking each other more . o Communicate dominance  powerful high status people tend to look more when they’re speaking and less when listening compared to the average person  Visual Dominance Ratio (VDR)  compares “look-speak” to “look-listen”  Body movement o Gestures may replace words entirely (eg: middle finger = “F U” o Harder to control than facial expressions are  more likely to indicate true feelings as opposed to facial expressions that may be exaggerated , minimized, or neutralized  Touch o May be informative from the moment 2 people meet  shaking hands  strength and grip tend to be more extraverted and open to experience compared to people with wimpy handshakes o Different touches – positive, supportive love, sympathy, disgust, anger o People tend to touch each other more as their relationship becomes more intimate o Uninvited touches may be a signal of dominance which establishes one’s place in a status heirarchy  Interpersonal distance o Physical space that separates 2 people – usually reserved for intimate interactions (Intimate, personal, social, public zones May 21, 2012  Paralanguage o All the variations in a person’s voice other than the actual words he/she uses o Rhythm, pitch, loudness, rate o Often, lovers talk to each other with different rhythms than friends use  These 6 channels reinforce each other, working together to convey consistent information about a person’s sentiments and intentions. A good example is sarcasm; the true intent is not conveyed through words, but through their actions and paralanguage. When there is a discrepancy between the words and action, the truth is always their nonverbal communication. 4. Understand that nonverbal accuracy predicts marital satisfaction and the role played by husbands and wives when miscommunication occurs. Differentiate between miscommunication due to a nonverbal skill deficit and nonverbal performance deficit. Marital satisfaction is determined by how well a husband and wife is able to communicate non-verbally – usually the husband’s fault  Poor encoding (sender gives confusing message that is difficult to read) poor decoding (failure to interpret message correctly)  women are better at encoding and decoding  Ability to effectively decode or encode is determined by asking strangers questions that may have had multiple meanings  Husbands in unhappy marriages sent more confusing messages and were poor at reading messages from their wives (made more decoding errors) than happy husbands did. But there were no differences among the wives, so the poorer communications observed appeared to be the husbands fault  Better communication skills determine relational satisfaction. Satisfaction may also determine how willing partners are to work on their non-verbal communication skills Nonverbal skill deficit = those who are not good at nonverbal communication (eg: abusive mothers may see negative emotions in infants as positive ones.)  they have trouble identifying signs of distress. Skill deficit = gives some people a blind spot which makes them less likely to realize how much harm they are doing to others 5. Characterize the nonverbal behavior of men versus women and relate these differences to differences in the nonverbal behaviors of high versus low status individuals. Non-verbal behaviour of men  Smile less  Open, asymmetric posture  Touch more  Allow more distance  Assertive paralanguage  Less nonverbal sensitivity Non-verbal behaviour of women  women do better in non-verbal communication than men, even when they are not particularly happy and they tend to display lower visual dominance rations when they are communicating with men May 21, 2012  tend to use more symmetrical / less open postures than men  interactions with men mirrors the interaction of low-status people with their superiors  Interact with men using a style that is less assertive and powerful than men – however if the woman has more status, the sex difference disappears. 6. Present the social penetration model of self-disclosure. Self-disclosure = revealing personal information to someone else  the more you open up to each other, the more you like each other. Most relationships develop from small talks gradually to more meaningful revelations.  It is impossible to be intimate with your partner if they do not share some personal relatively confidential information with each other Social penetration theory = the development of a relationship is closely tied to systematic changes in communication  Note: it’s risky to say too much too soon – violates others’ expectations and ruins impressions 7. Comment on (a) whether self-disclosure is always gradual or not, (b) what happens to the b more readth and depth of disclosure when couples dissolve their relationships, (c) the value of secrecy and selective disclosure (i.e., avoiding taboo topics) in close relationships, and (d) the link between self-disclosure and liking. a) Whether self-disclosure is always gradual or not  Self-disclosure tends to be gradual as people tend to match their partner’s level of self-disclosure (reciprocity) b) What happens to the breadth and depth of disclosure when couples dissolve their relationships  Breadth and depth of disclosure increases as couples become more intimate and decreases as couples dissolve their relationships c) The value of secrecy and selective disclosure  Important to keep some privacy – should be a balance between secrecy and selective disclosure to ensure marital satisfaction  Some people steer away from taboo topics that might threaten the quality of the relationships d) Link between self-disclosure and liking  The more we disclose about meaningful topics the more we like that person 8. Give a synopsis of gender differences in topics of verbal communication, styles of communication, self- disclosure, instrumentality/expressivity, and the interpretation of emotionally neutral interactions. Men Women  Stick to more impersonal matters – discussing  Tend to discuss feelings about close objects and actions such as sports and cars – relationships and other personal aspects of May 21, 2012 less intimate and personal their lives  Men speak up less often than women do. But  Tend to speak with less forcefulness than men when they do speak they speak for longer – more indirect and tentative periods with no interruptions (monologue)  More disclosing  Less disclosing  Less dependent on men for warmth and  More dependent on women for emotional intimacy because able to open up to same-sex warm and intimacy- open up more to women friends   Tend to be high in expressivity and are comfortable with talking about their feelings 9. Provide an evidence-based analysis of whether gender differences in self-disclosure are due to biological or learned/cultural differences. Note the role of androgyny in gender differences for expressivity.  Gender differences in self-disclosure are due to learned/cultural differences. (how they were taught to behave) o Women are more self-disclosing than men because they tend to be high in expressivity and are comfortable with talking about their feelings – socialized be more relationship oriented o Traditional men are instrumental and low in expressivity. They are likely to feel lonely and sad if they don’t have a romantic female partner with whom they can have intimate relationships and conversations o However, men who are high in expressivity or androgynous would feel comfortable talking about their feelings, unlike traditional instrumental men 10. Describe the prototypical communication patterns of unhappily married partners, including kitchen- sinking, drifting off-beam, mindreading, interrupting, yes-butting, cross complaining, and displaying negative affect during interactions (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and belligerence).  Kitchen sinking o Tend to address several topics at once and cause their frustration to get lost in other topics  Drifting off-beam o Because of kitchen sinking, conversation may wander from topic to topic so that the conversation never stays on the problem long enough to resolve it  Mindreading o People assume that they understand their partners thoughts, feelings, and opinions without asking. Distressed couples tend to perceive unpleasant motives where neutral or positive ones actually exist  Interrupting o Unhappy partners who interrupt their partners feeling disregarded and unappreciated  Yes-butting o They listen poorly to one another and finding something wrong or unworkable with anything their partners say  Cross-complaining o Only interested in responding to their partners’ complaints  Displaying negative affect during interactions (critisicm, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, belligerence) o Criticism = attacking a partner’s personality or character instead of finding specific behaviour that is causing concern May 21, 2012 o Contempt = usually in the form of insults, mockery or hostile humour o Defensiveness = partners seek to protect themselves from the unreasonable attack by making excuses or by cross-complaining o Stonewalling = partner clams up and reacts to messy situations by responding with silence. They think they are helping by not arguing further but instead it typically communicates disapproval, distance and smugness o Belligerence: rejecting the partner aggressively 11. Suggest ways to communicate that can make things better rather than worse: I and xyz statements, active listening (including paraphrasing and perception checking), being polite and staying cool, breaking cycles of negativity, and validation of our partners.  Use I-statements to explain our feelings. These are statements that start with “I”. They force us to identify our feelings, which can be useful to both us and our partners. They help us to acknowledge our feelings rather than keeping the entire focus on our partners.  XYZ statements: we can communicate better with XYZ statements. “When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z (an I-statement).  Active listening – 1st we want to understand what our partner is saying, and 2nd is to communicate that attention and comprehension so they know we care about what they’ve said. We can do that by paraphrasing – saying things in our own words and giving our partners a chance to agree that that was what they actually meant. Perception checking – it is the opposite to mindreading. People assess the accuracy of their inferences about a partner’s feelings by asking the partner for clarification. This communicates one’s attentiveness and interest. It also encourages the partner to be more open.  Being polite and staying cool – When you get provoked by your partner, being able to calm down when you begin to get angry are very valuable skills. People rarely have the presence of mind to use XYZ- statements and I-statements when they are angry. So, being calm is a valuable skill!  Breaking the negativity cycle – If you find yourself in hurling insults and sarcasms back and forth, take a temporary time out to stop the cycle and to calm yourself down.  Validation – Acknowledge the legitimacy of our partners’ opinions and communicate respect for their position. It doesn’t require you to agree with them, but you can communicate appropriate respect and recognition of a partner’s point of view without agreeing with it. Chapter 6: Interdependency Define the key concepts of interdependence theory and explain how they relate to one another (rewards, costs, outcomes, satisfaction, CL, Cl , dependence). alt - Social Exchange: Economic model of human behavior developed by Thibaut and Kelley (1959) o The view offered by interdependence theory o People seek relationships that provide maximum reward at minimum cost o Motivated by self-interest; we are first concerned with our well-being, then others May 21, 2012 - Rewards are gratifying; you get something you like or take away something you don’t like - Costs are punishing; you get something you don’t like - Outcomes = Rewards – Costs o Outcomes represent the net profit or loss a person encounters with a personal interaction - Salience: Weighing a person’s attributes based on personal importance - CL (Comparison Level): “…a standard by which the person evaluates the rewards and costs of a given relationship in term of what he/she feels he/she deserves” (Thibaut and Kelley 1959) - CLalt(Comparison Level of the Alternative): “…the lowest level of outcomes a person will accept in the light of alternative opportunities” (Thibaut and Kelley 1959) o Describes the outcomes we can receive by leaving our current relationship and moving to the best alternative partnership or situation o Our CL altdetermine our dependence on our relationship  Whether or not we’re satisfied, we will stay if we believe we are doing as well as we possibly can  If many options are available, there is less dependency - Outcomes – CL = Satisfaction or Dissatisfaction - Assumptions in Social Exchange o We are being rational while making these decisions  But usually we are being affected by emotions… o We will choose the best outcomes for us because we are self-interested o Understanding the theory comes from understanding a person’s motivations - Happy couples use rewards, unhappy couples don’t o But! Change is important! Otherwise, rewards become expectations… - Norm of Reciprocity: If you do something nice for someone, then they are expected to do something nice for you in return. At the least, they shouldn’t backstab you Specify how one’s CL, CL ,altd outcomes combine to produce four different types of relationships (happy, stable; happy, unstable; unhappy, stable; unhappy, unstable). Use interdependence theory to explain why our satisfaction with highly rewarding relational outcomes may decline over time. - In order of highest to lowest: o Happy stable: Outcomes, CL, CL or Outcomes, CL , CL alt alt o Happy unstable: CL ,alttcomes, CL o Unhappy stable: CL, Outcomes, CL alt o Unhappy unstable: CL , alt Outcomes or CL, CL , Oualtmes - When we have highly rewarding relational outcomes, over time our CL level goes up o We start to expect these rewards o Over time we may see satisfaction in a relationship become less and less even though nothing has changed Discuss the relative influence of positive and negative events in relationships and their implications for the rewards-to-cost ratio in successful marriages. - Counting up the rewards and costs of a relationship provides extraordinary information about its current state and likely future May 21, 2012 - Undesirable events in close relationships are a lot more noticeable and influential than logically equivalent desirable events - A ratio of 5:1 rewards to cost ratio is apparently needed to maintain a satisfactory relationship (Gottman and Levenson 1992) Relate initial levels of rewards and costs to whether relationships succeed or not and depict what happens over time to levels of rewards and costs in successful as well as unsuccessful relationships. List the five reasons why outcomes and satisfaction declines over time. - Over time CL levels rise in a relationship, so what was a satisfying relationship in the past may now be an unsatisfying one - People stop trying as hard to be consistently charming, so outcomes fall - Interdependence magnifies conflict and friction (so your altises) - Reasons why outcomes and satisfaction decline over time: o Lack of Effort – People stop trying so hard to be consistently charming o Interdependence magnifies conflict and friction o Access to Weaponry – Partners know about our secrets and weaknesses now, which gives them more ways to potentially hurt you o Unwelcome Surprises – You start learning the “truth” about things that you didn’t know about your partner (ie. He farts in the bed…) o Unrealistic Expectations – Disappointment that results from your partner not exactly reaching the ideal that you thought he/she would become Depict and compare communal versus exchange relationships. Explain how the magnanimous actions of communal partners can be reconciled with the interdependence view of relationships. - Exchange Relationships: o Governed by the desire for and the expectation of immediate repayment for benefits given o Overall balance should be zero at all times o Usually typified by superficial, often brief, relatively task-oriented encounters between strangers and acquaintances - Communal Relationships: o Governed by the desire for and expectation of mutual responsiveness to the other’s needs o Prefer not to have favors quickly repaid o Monitor their partner’s needs even when they see no opportunity for personal gain o Feel better about themselves when they help their partners o o Marriages often operate in this way, as do meaningful romantic relationships o Friendships can be of either type, equally likely to be one or the other - So where’s the “greed” in communal relationships? (ie. Interdependence theory) o It’s still there, but the exchanges take different forms and are less obvious than in exchange relationships  We are also willing to wait longer because we trust our partners  More versatility in the “repayment” - Basically…if you want others to be nice to you, you’ve got to be nice to them May 21, 2012 Elucidate the concept of equity and indicate ways someone can restore it. Discuss what equity theorists predict is associated with being overbenefited and cite research that is the actual experience of overbenefited individuals. - Equity Theory: o People try to maximize outcomes o People will be reprimanded when society feels they are acting inequitably o For a relationship to last long, the benefits/contributions to and from each partner should be equal o When people realize they are in an inequitable relationships, they start to feel distressed o The greater the inequity that exists, the more distress they will feel and the harder they will try to restore equity  But, underbenefitters will try harder than those overbenefitters  Underbenefitters is associated with reduced satisfaction  But being overbenefitted is not always associated with reduced satisfaction o Ways to restore equity  Restore actual equity (ie. Through discussion)  Fix/convince yourself that it’s actually equal by:  Minimizing one’s inputs  Exaggerating one’s outcomes  Exaggerating the other person’s inputs  Minimizing the outer person’s outcomes  End the relationship o With casual relationships, the equity is much more apparent  Harder to determine equity in longer, closer relationships Describe Rusbult’s model of commitment, indicating the factors that foster commitment and the results of commitment in terms of stay/leave decisions and maintenance mechanisms. Identify Johnson’s challenge to Rusbult’s analysis, indicating what evidence, if any, supports Johnson’s view. - Rusbult’s model of commitment (Investment model): o People will wish to remain with their present partners when they’re happy, or no other desirable place to go to, or it would cost too much to leave  These influences are equally important and commitment emerges from a combination of all three  Results  “stayers” had a greater increase in rewards as the rel’p progressed then did “leavers”. - Johnson’s analysis: o How strong is your resolve to stay with a partner? Johnson argues there’s three types of commitment o 3 Components:  Personal Commitment: “I want to stay.”  There’s something inside you that want to continue the relationship  Reasons: o Attraction to partner (You’re hot.) o Attraction to relationship (We’re a team!) May 21, 2012 o Definition of self in terms of relationship (I like that we’re a couple, and people calling us a couple.)  Structural Commitment: “I can’t leave.”  There are outside forces keeping you in the relationship  Reasons: o Irretrievable investments (I have kids!) o Termination procedures (Divorce is expensive.) o Social Pressure (My family really likes my partner and they’re telling me to try and work it out.) o Attractiveness of available alternative (Nothing I’ve seen will be better than this anyways.)  Moral Commitment: “I shouldn’t leave.”  Personal morals AND socially-sanctioned morals are keeping you in the relationship o Personal: “I shouldn’t leave because I don’t think it’s right.” o Socially-sanctioned: “I shouldn’t leave because others will think poorly of me.” - Commitment promotes: o Accommodative behavior o Willingness to sacrifice o Perceived superiority (from other relationships) - Factors that increase commitment: o Public revealing of relationship o Telling people that are important to you o Writing down on paper (ie. Signing a marriage contract) o Number of actions o More effort you put in the relationship, the more you’ll want to stay together Miscellaneous notes for Chapter 6:  Change in rewards is important  first time you get flowers (put it in a vase), do it every day, acknowledgement of the flowers dissipates. If you offer up the same thing over and over again now becomes your job.  if it’s the same thing all the time, doesn’t matter what the reward was, it has to be changed otherwise it becomes the new “norm”  Egocentric bias – people tend to overestimate their contribution to a relationship, therefore they feel they are giving more rewards o tend to be self-centered, downplay what they do for us, we feel like we are much more rewarding than our partner perceives us as. So we feel like our partner must do more. o If you always make dinner, at first you wanna show that you did something nice for them, but then it becomes your job and doesn’t become an award for them  becomes an expectation - Stage Theories o Filter Theory:  Start from whole population  Use filters to cut away the population until you find the “one” o Use filters like gender  age  ethnicity  etc. May 21, 2012 o Wheel Theory:  In order to go from “not in love” to “in love” you need to go through certain stages  Initial rapport o The first thing that makes you want to talk to them  Mutual self-revelation o Talking to each other about your lives  Mutual self-dependency o You rely on each other (ie. Support, rides, money)  Personal self-fufillment o “I need you…”  Also note: when you break out of love…you go through the stages backward! o Stimulus-Value-Role Theory (SVR) Theory  Used a lot!  Stimulus Stage:  Attractiveness and reputation are the first thing that spark the relationship  In order to move forward from this stage you need APPROVAL. If you can achieve that then you can move to the next stage  Value Stage:  Trying to see if their values match yours o If they don’t then there isn’t any point of progressing in the relationship  If they do, then you can progress  Role Stage:  Trying to see if they perform roles th
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