Chapter 9: Relationships
Triangular model of relationships proposed by Sternberg conceptualized all relationships as
consisting of varying amounts of three components - Passion, intimacy and commitment.
Companionate love is when people hare intimacy and commitment but lack passion. This type
of of love forms the basis for love relationships that endure and may be more conducive to
lasting love relationships than the type of passion that often begins intimate love relationships.
However, companionate love also describes what people regard as close friendship.
Liking = intimacy without passion or commitment
Companionate love = intimacy and commitment without passion
Romantic love = intimacy and passion without commitment
Empty love = commitment without passion or intimacy
Fatuous love = passion and commitment without intimacy
Infatuated love - passion without commitment or intimacy
Consummate love - passion =commitment and intimacy
Development of styles
The basis for gender differences in friendship beings in early development, with a tendency for
children to segregate themselves according to gender.
children in same sex pairs are more likely to offer toys to their partners or to try to take toys
from their partners than the children in mixed gender pairs. in pairs with boys and girls, the
girls tended to be more passive, standing by and watching the boys play, and the boys tended
to be unresponsive, ignoring what the girls said to them.
Boys are also seeming playing in somewhat larger groups, to spend more time outside, and to
engage in activities that involve gross motor skills, such as running, jumping and throwing a
ball. Girls are physically active as boys, however girls both seek and value intimacy more than
boys, leading to more fragile relationships than boys, resulting in more rapid changes in
friendship networks. Ethnic background showed less of an effect than gender as a basis for grouping; when put into
a position to choose, children crossed ethnic lines before gender lines. Interracial friendships
form at school, but tend to be less common as children get older.
Gender segregation is a strong force during the elementary school years, development of “a
boys” and “a girls” culture.
Friendship over the lifespan
Friendship during adolescents intensify in their relationships with a greater degree of personal
sharing and self-disclosure than those of younger children. Girls are more likely to be
interested in forming emotionally intimate friendship with a smaller set of girls and boys are
more likely to form activity based friendships with a more extensive set of boys. Boys are more
competitive with their friends than girls are, but competition decreases relationships
satisfaction. Girls use talk as a way to develop intimacy, which includes greater involvement
with problems and life transition than boys’ friendships do. Although this type of exchange
make girls’ friendships closer, it may serve as a way to magnify problems and increase personal
cool pose is a way that AFrican American men present themselves, used as a compensation and
coping strategy. The poses, postures, humor, readiness to use violence and suppression of
emotional displays are intended to create visibility for those who have been made invisible by a
society that fails to grant African American men the status of European American men.
Labeling of “Gay” or “girly” discourages men from having close friends but allows comrades and
buddies. A comrade is important for the function he serves, like playing cards, fixing cars, but
another person can fill that position.
Young professionals readily crossed gender but not ethic boundaries in making friends at work.
Women are more likely than men to work at maintaing a network of social relationships and
the social support derived from these networks is important for happiness and even for health.
-Women become more numerous in the social networks of the elderly because men die at
younger ages, leaving more women. Thus, men’s same gender friendships tend to be replaced
with relationships with women. Therefore, friendship becomes more female-based among
Flexibility of Style
Men may find emotional intimacy easier with women than with other men. However, some
researchers have found that cross-gender friendships face barriers Homophobia- the unreasonable fear and hatred of homosexuality-- restrains men from seeking
emotional intimacy with other men. On the other hand, the constraints on women’s behavior
are not as strong; their typical style of emotional intimacy between women and men often has
an element of sexual relationship, so women who seek friendships with men also often feel that
they must be vigilant in maintaing these as nonsexual friendships.
-Before the 18th century, both men and women worked together ion family farms, making the
family the centre of both men’s and women’s lives. men were the heads of households and
both men and women believed that marriage gave them the duty to love and help one another.
-formed around commitment, but the component of passion might have been missing from
such duty-bound relationships.
-in arranged marriages, such component may never be part of the relationships.
-During the 1920’s, women started to move in the male world of work, taking paid jobs,
outside home. Cancian credited the companionship blueprint with the feminization of love.
This model focused on affection and support for each other, but women were still the expert on
love and held the responsibility for the relationships
The companionship model for marriage became the standard. Spouses were supposes to love
each other before they married and to choose their partners than than relying on partners
chosen by family. Using Strenberg’s mode to analyze these relationships, communate love was
the ideal, with an equal mixture of intimacy, passion and commitment.
leading the reduction of divorce rates
-Rather than relying on the family to choose their partners, individuals started to choose their
Dating began during the 1920’s as a form of courtship but has expanded to fulfill a variety of
other functions, including recreation, status, companionship, sexual exploration and the skills to
forms intimate relationships.
-Dating presents disadvantages as well as advantages. Disadvantages include stress, an
increased chance of depression and a decrease in acad