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Interpersonal Issues and Sexuality

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Peggy Kleinplatz

November 18 2013 – Lecture 9 Interpersonal Issues and Sexuality 3 theories of love - Freud o Love is not a true phenomenon, it is a derivative or secondary phenomena, a sublimation of the sex drive o Defined love as flame inhibited sexuality o It is sex that we really want, but you cannot have sex by just going out and yelling give me sex - we create civilization in order to ensure that all of our needs are met most of the time, it is a compromise between my needs and your rights to be protected from my needs o You are allowed to have sex in a relationship – and so we create relationships o The ego negotiates between the id and the superego o Why a particular object choice: what is the basis for mate selection for Freud? o Freud believed that everybody was going to have???? o Cathexis: someone you invest your energy into, emotional energy, your whole life revolves around that person o Primary libidinal cathexis is always the mother – when you are really young the attachment growing up is to your mother – whether you are a boy or a girl your cathexis would be your mom – Oedipus complex o Young – Electra complex o For Freud it is the penis and the clitoris o Castration anxiety was used – but really Freud was talking about removal of the penis o He does not have to stop wanting his mother – he has to repress his feelings for his mother and cannibalize the incorporation of his father’s identity, and when he reaches the age of maturity he displaces theses repressed feelings of his mother onto someone just like his mother o Repetition compulsion: is about trying to finish up the stuff that you never could get right in your first attachment with your mother o When you eventually find someone like your mother it will go nowhere because you can’t get it up when you just think of this person as your mother o You marry one kind of women (like your mother) and you screw around with someone else who is a whore in bed behind her back o For women: she believes everything is good until she meets someone who has a penis and feels like she is castrated and blames her mother for bringing her into the world in such an impoverished state o According to Freud when she sees someone with a penis she believes she has nothing to fear because the worst has already happened, and she blames her mother because that is who she sees as being all powerful o She realizes that what she needs to do is marry someone with a penis and give birth to a boy with a penis o Girls have 2 big transitions to make  Cathexing the mother to learning to cathex the men  Erogenous zones start off as clitoris and the move on to vagina because that is how you have babies o Primary motivating principle in human life is the pleasure principle – it is not about seeking pleasure, but rather about seeking tension reduction - Abraham Maslow o Primary motivating principle in human life is needs – hierarchy of needs  Physiological needs (food, water, air)  Shelter (feeling safe)  Belongingness and love  Esteem (self-esteem and the esteem of others)  Self-actualization – one is never actually self-actualized, rather they are always self-actualizing o This model is not stagnate it is fluid, you can go up and down o 2 different kinds of love  Love of the average person – the love deprived person is motivated by the craving and need of love, and they are motivated to make up for this need (d-love – deficiency love) • Characterized by the lack of satisfaction, strong independence, fear of losing the love, jealousy – persons of average mental health when deprived of love crave it like a hungry person craves food  Love of the self-actualizer • Characterized by the absence of ??, dropping of defences, feelings of generosity, desire for fuller knowledge of one another,
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