Textbook Notes (362,734)
Canada (158,032)
Psychology (1,877)
PS270 (144)
Chapter 10

PS270 Chapter 10 Notes.docx

7 Pages
Unlock Document

Wilfrid Laurier University
Christine Zaza

Chapter 10 – Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and Loving Others - Aristotle called humans ‘the social animal’ - Need To Belong – a motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide ongoing, positive interactions - When we do belong, we tend to be happier and healthier - Satisfy the need to belong in balance with two other human needs (to feel autonomy and competence) and the typical result is a deep sense of well-being o Happiness is feeling connected, free, and capable - Ostracism – acts of excluding or ignoring o Humans in all cultures, whether in schools, workplaces, or homes, use ostracism to regulate social behaviour o People (women especially) respond to ostracism with depressed mood, anxiety, hurt feelings, efforts to restore relationships, and eventual withdrawal  The silent treatment is ‘emotional abuse’ and ‘a terrible, terrible weapon to use,’ say those who have experienced it from a family member or co-worker o Ostracized people exhibit heightened activity in a brain cortex area that also is activated in response to physical pain o People remember and relive past social pain more easily than past physical pain o Ostracism is a real pain - One of the most powerful predictors of whether any two people are friends is sheer proximity - Proximity – geographical nearness o Proximity (more precisely, ‘functional distance’) powerfully predicts liking - Most people marry someone who lives in the same neighbourhood, or works at the same company or job, or sits in the same class - Even more significant than geographical distance is ‘functional distance’ – how often people’s paths cross - Romantic love is often rather like ducklings’ imprinting, in which ducklings bond to whoever is near - With repeated exposure to someone, our infatuation may fix on almost anyone who has roughly similar characteristics and who reciprocates our affection - Proximity breeds liking because of availability - Proximity enables people to discover commonalities and exchange rewards but merely anticipating interaction also boosts living - Expecting to date someone similarly boosts liking - Anticipatory liking – expecting that someone will be pleasant and compatible – increases the chance of a rewarding relationship - Liking such people is surely conducive to better relationships with them, which in turn makes for happier, more productive living - Proximity leads to liking not only because it enables interaction and anticipatory liking but also for another reason o Familiarity does not breed contempt, rather it fosters fondness - Mere Exposure Effect – the tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them - We even like ourselves better when we are the way we’re used to seeing ourselves - Matching Phenomenon – the tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a ‘good match’ in attractiveness and other traits - Physical Attractiveness Stereotype – the presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well: what is beautiful is good o What is beautiful is good – children learn this stereotype quite early - If physical attractiveness is that important, then permanently changing people’s attractiveness should change the way others react to them - Small average differences between attractive and unattractive people probably result from self-fulfilling prophecies o Attractive people are valued and favoured, and so many develop more social self-confidence - What’s crucial to your social skill is not how you look but how people treat you and how you feel about yourself – whether you accept yourself, like yourself, feel comfortable with yourself - Attractiveness is whatever the people of any given place and time find attractive - For cultures with scarce resources and for poor or hungry people, plumpness seems attractive; for cultures and individuals with abundant resources, beauty more often equals slimness - Attractiveness influences life outcomes less in cultures where relationships are based more on kinship or social arrangement than on personal choice - Men everywhere have felt most attracted to women whose waists are 30% narrower than their hips – a shaped associated with peak sexual fertility - When judging males as potential marriage partners, women prefer a male waist-to-hip suggesting health and vigour o A muscular hunk was more likely than a scrawny fellow to father food, build houses, and defeat rivals  But today’s women prefer men with high incomes even more o During ovulation, women show heightening preference for men with masculinised features - Attraction is not all hard-wired o What’s attractive to you also depends on your comparison standards - ‘Contrast effect’ – to men who have recently been gazing at centrefolds, average women or even their own wives seem less attractive - Being sexually aroused may temporarily make a person of the other sex seem more attractive o But the lingering effect of exposure to perfect ‘10s’ or of unrealistic sexual depictions, is to make a person’s own partner seem less appealing – more like a 6 or an 8 - It works the same way with our self-perceptions o After viewing a super-attractive person of the same sex, people rate themselves as being less attractive than after viewing a homely person - But the social comparison effect appears greatest for women o Seeing other fit and attractive women tends to diminish a woman’s satisfaction with her own body, and being dissatisfied with her body makes her especially sensitive to and deflated by exposure to super-attractive women - Men’s self-rated desirability is also deflated by exposure to more dominant successful men o Thanks to modern media, we may see in an hour ‘dozens of individuals who are more attractive and more successful than any of our ancestors would have seen in a year or even a lifetime  Such extraordinary comparison standards trick us into devaluing our potential motes and ourselves and spending billions and billions of dollars on cosmetics, diet aids, and plastic surgery - Sometimes an average-looking adolescent becomes a quite attractive middle-aged person - Not only do we perceive attractive people as likeable, we also perceive likeable people as attractive - Those portrayed as warm, helpful, and considerate also look more attractive - Discovering someone’s similarities to us also makes the person seem more attractive - Moreover, love sees loveliness: the more in love a woman is with a man, the more physically attractive she finds him o And the more in love people are, the less attractive they find all others of the opposite sex  Especially true for people who are committed to their relationships - The greater similarity between husband and wife, the happier they are and less likely they are to divorce - We have a bias toward assuming that others share our attitudes o Getting to know someone and discovering that the person is actually dissimilar tends to decrease liking  If those dissimilar attitudes pertain to our strong moral convictions, we dislike and distance ourselves from them all the more - Dissimilar attitudes depress liking more than similar attitudes enhance it o Within our own groups, where they expect similarity, people find it especially hard to like someone with dissimilar views o Explains why dating partners and roommates become more similar over time in their emotional response to events and in their attitudes - ‘Attitude alignment’ helps promote and sustain close relationships, a phenomenon that can lead partners to overestimate their attitude similarities - Wherever one group of people regards another as ‘other’ the potential for conflict is high o The perception of like minds seems more important for attraction than like skins - ‘Cultural racism’ persists because cultural differences are a fact of life o Black culture tends to be present-oriented, spontaneously expressive, spiritual, and emotionally driven o White culture tends to be more future oriented, materialistic, and achievement-driven  Rather than trying to eliminate such differences, we might better appreciate what they ‘contribute to the cultural fabric of a multicultural society’ - When you’re feeling blue, someone else’s bubbly personality can be aggravating o The contrast effect that makes average people feel homely in the company of beautiful people also makes sad people more conscious of their misery in the company of cheerful people - Complementarity – the popularly supposed tendency, in a relationship between two people, for each to complete what is missing in the other - We tend not to feel attracted to those who show our own worst traits - Liking is usually mutual o Proximity and attractiveness influence our initial attraction to someone and similarity influences longer-term attraction as well  One person’s liking for another does predict the other’s liking in return - Discovering that an appealing someone really likes you seems to awaken romantic feelings - Whether we are judging ourselves or others, negative information carries more weight because it grabs more attention - We often perceive criticism to be more sincere than praise - Our reactions depend on our attributions - Ingratiation – the use of strategies, such as flattery, by which people seek to gain another’s favour o If there is no apparent ulterior motive, then we warmly receive both flattery and flatterer - People with low self esteem focus narrowly on the literal meaning of compliments - People with low self esteem attribute more abstract significance to compliments and they feel more secure in relationships - Everyone feels more secure and valued if they attribute compliments to caring and affection, but people with low self-esteem need more encouragement to do so - Low self-esteem individuals tend to underestimate how much potential partners will accept them - Even when partners behave in an equally friendly way, low self-esteem individuals believe they will be less accepted than high self-esteem individuals o These lower expectations of acceptance lead low self-esteem individuals to behave in a less warm and friendly manner, which ultimately leads them to really be less accepted by others - If you feel down about yourself, you will likely feel pessimistic about your relationship - When low self-esteem people are focused on their own stre
More Less

Related notes for PS270

Log In


Don't have an account?

Join OneClass

Access over 10 million pages of study
documents for 1.3 million courses.

Sign up

Join to view


By registering, I agree to the Terms and Privacy Policies
Already have an account?
Just a few more details

So we can recommend you notes for your school.

Reset Password

Please enter below the email address you registered with and we will send you a link to reset your password.

Add your courses

Get notes from the top students in your class.