SOCSCI 2O03 Lecture Notes - Lecture 9: Booster Dose, Pie Chart, Mirai Sentai Timeranger

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Published on 21 Apr 2013
School
McMaster University
Department
Social Sciences
Course
SOCSCI 2O03
Canadian Children March 8, 2011
Movie about Kids and Death
Father, sister, brother, mother, ill and succumb to death so how do we
recognize their grieveing process? They need to tell us how they feel we
cant tell them
Asked to describe the weather on the inside and the weather on the
outside
Age appropriate way they will contribute
Use talent as a vehicle of expression
As adults we have a well developed sense of self; we have coping
strategies so we may not need to speak to it like kids would need to
Lots of emotions attached to grief
o Worry, guilty, irresponsible
o Describes how they are feeling and how much amount of
sadness, or guiltiness, or anger etc. that they have (pie chart)
Hear other children not appropriating their voice but tell him what
they feel happened (i.e. wrong place at the wrong time)
Look at the Mr. Rogers approach
o Discharge the very emotional problem for him so that hey can
somewhat feel less responsible
Mother talks about being left behind and so do the kids
o Kids didn‟t want to go to the cemetery because they needed
time to unfold and know what happened
Intellectual knowledge and emotional knowledge
o To understand the facts is one think but knowing it
emotionally is something else
o Putting these two together is something different
o We can rationalize that it is natural process and we haven‟t
been abandoned and we know that the person is not there
any longer but putting the emotional there together for
children isn‟t easy
o They think emotionally more than intellectually
There is a difference between chronological time (the boys will get
older) and psychological time is something much more
unpredictable
See that the children are still being kind of nervous and
uncomfortable talking about this
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Is there something that we can do that is fire prevention instead of
fire protection
Told us that “I would not have known what to feel if my father
didn‟t tell us that”
o Said the mother will find someone else
Impact Of Expectations On Self Esteem
•the tragedy of the lost self
child needs to become themselves
be curious venture, make decisions; don‟t want them to be hollow
persons and die psychologically
respect their individuality
We shouldn‟t force things upon them
Fair Expectations
Questions that assess whether expectations are fair or not.
Children‟s confidence should be in what they are not in fantasies.
Don‟t want children to be hollow. Want confident adults with
courage in their own conviction.
•Inventory of Questions
1. Why do I have this expectation?
2. Where did it come from?
3. What is in it for me?
4. Is it based on my needs or my child‟s?
5. What purpose does it serve?
6. Does it realistically fit this particular child at this age & with this
temperament or background?
Become important questions to ask because we need to know what
we do and the purpose it serves.
Are our expectations realistic. Do inventory of child and ourselves.
Weed out blind expectations. Not being happy in your own life, you
are straining your child (check and balance of ourselves)
Do they apply to a fair manner for the child
Be honest with ourselves
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Hinges on the capacity that you can confirm yourself; take a long
hard look at any self deficiencies that we may have so that we can
put in a correction factor to help share to our children
How Is It A Child‟s Self Esteem Built
All children should feel that they are valuable simply because they
exist
•Genuine Encounter
focused attention
In presence of child, we are all here for child; Direct involvement
with child
o Says‟ “I care”
Nourishes self respect in the child
Programmed for inner presence and we must give them this not
presents
Let them know they are priority; ear mark enough time so that you
can have that booster shot of time; have ear mark time each day
(bedtime story or cookies and milk after school etc.)
When children are under stress, need us there and need encounter
time
„fire prevention‟
•Trust
respect the child‟s ways
build amicable relationship between ourselves and them
keep promises; Avoid unpleasant surprises
support child in adventures, tell child when leaving and coming
back
avoid mixed messages
o body language at odds with words confusion causes them to
second guess themselves and will take ownership for issues;
instead use age appropriate response to tell them what
happened
o over-permissive home; real world has boundaries and must
be set; some of the most unhappiest children come from
these homes; wipes out the safety of trust
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