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Emotions and Conflicts

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University of Waterloo
Peace and Conflict Studies
PACS 202
Betty Pries

Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Apologies Emotions and Conflict  Emotions are omnipresent, how we communicate them shapes our dialogue and influence our success in the conflict  Emotions and Attributions: o We often place a judgment on the other person’s intent when we hear emotion – towards the negative when we are tired, stressed, vulnerable, etc. Emotions of Dialogue  Everyone has an emotional footprint o Family of origin o Personality Anger!! o Gender, culture o Past experiences / social learning o What we consider a normal response o What we consider inappropriate ?????????????????? *Anger is from the adrenaline of injustice, fear, hurt, anger, etc. Physiology of dialogue  physiology goes up  cognitive goes down  a really low physiology can limit cognitive o we are looking for the capacity to be flexible with emotion  If emotionis greater than negative thought, action then helps to reinforce it Emotional Intelligence  If EI isn’t there, you can’t manage the conflict well  Reflection to action o Reflect what’s going on in your life / around you, go act on it EI, Curiousity, and Learning Conversations  Openness to an alternate story  Identity – where my story comes from o My reaction here has a lot to do with o I think this subject hooks me because…  Impacts – how have I impacted the other? o Take responsibility – your contribution  Own feelings, then describe them o I’m anxious to bring this up because it is important to me 2 Rules of Interpersonal Dialogue 1. Your comments must seek to be kind (contributing a sense of goodness into the room - do not add to the problem) 2. Your comments must be honest. Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Apologies 6 Stage Model 1. Prepare 1. Self-Reflection 1. What is going on here? 2. What have I contributed? 3. What are my interests...? Intent? Effect? 4. Do I want to arrange a conversation about this? 5. How am I getting hooked? What unhelpful us/them ways of thinking am I falling into? 6. Am I in the a, b or c position? Who/what are in the other positions? How many triangles are there? 2. Determine an appropriate time and place to meet 3. Name the purpose of the meeting (to yourself and them) 4. Prepare for the meeting (style, process...) 2. Open the Conversation 1. Name the purpose of your conversation (identify your intent for the meeting) 2. Option: Name outcome goals (of both parties), ideally stated positively. 3. Hear each other’s stories 1. Ask the other person to tell you their side of the story. Listen w/ curiousity & an open spirit. Always assume you need to hear them out fully first (except when this doesn’t make sense.) 2. Tell your “story.” 3. Based on the two stories, identify the key problems you need to address together (i.e. try to be problem focused not person focused) 4. Seek to understand what is behind the problem 1. Ask open-ended questions to get at the interests, intent, effects... usually of the other person first 2. Disclose your own interests, effects 3. Use open-ended and/or clarifying questions 4. Take responsibility for your contribution
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