Finding the love of your life
You have to be careful who you pick. “look well to the
We are not free to select the person we want to marry.
Endogamy: pressure on us to marry someone within our social
Exogamy: to marry someone outside of the family group.
(1) Cultural factors.
(2) Sociological factors: race, religion, age, physical
appearance, etc. “People tend to select people of similar
physical appearance” There is homogamy in mate selection.
“Marry someone just like you”- same education, religion,
(3) Psychological factors: complementary needs (opposites
attract.) Data says: marrying someone just likes you is
usually a stable long-term relationship.
(4) Exchange theory: rewards and cost. Everybody brings to
the table plus and minuses. Rewards: good lover,
provider, etc. cost: parents don’t like them, drug
addict, abusive, etc. Loss: the negative outweigh the
positive. We are driven by profits and loss in
Undesirable traits in a person: If they’re controlling –
what you wear, what you do. Narcissistic – inflated ego,
what you want to do doesn’t make any difference. They
look down their nose at you. Impulsive control: They’re
not directed by internal control. They don’t have any
commitment. Hypersensitive and insecure- every 20 minutes
you have to restate that you love them. Controlled:
they’re controlled by a parent. (ex: always a daughter,
never a wife) Substance abuser: used in moderation –
okay. Take away that word, you’re in trouble. The drugs
and alcohol become more important than you. Unhappy:
whatever they do, it’s always someone else’s fault.
Alexithymia: not capable of love. You want them to be
involved and love you, but they can’t.