Who Is Attractive?
1. Liking those who like us
a. Can knowing that someone likes us cause us to like them more?
b. Research study
2. Bad is stronger than good
a. Criticism carries more weight than praise
b. How does this relate to relationships?
i. Cruel words liner more than kind ones
1. Longitudinal study of married couples
2. Marriages that lasted had 1:5 ratio
ii. Bad reputation is easier to acquire and more difficult to shed
3. Playing hard to get
a. Is this really what we want?
b. Or do we value promiscuity?
c. Prefer those that are moderately selective
i. Nonselective – no taste or no standards
ii. Too selective – too arrogant
iii. Turned off by those who reject us
1. I.e., we like best those who appear to like us
2. Yet another self-image favoring cognitive bias
4. Equity in relationships
a. What you give and what you get
b. When our relationship feels inequitable, we are not comfortable in it
c. However, we don’t like calculating equity in our serious
i. If people are keeping track of every little thing, it doesn’t feel
5. Close relationships
a. Infant attachment styles
i. Bowlby, Ainsworth
1. Attachment of infants to their mothers
a. Secure attachment