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Colors of Love (Lee, 1974,1998)
Compatible love styles = happier
Eros-romantic love; attraction
Ludus-love is a game
Storage-love builds over time
Mania-possessive, dependent
Pragma-list of qualities necessary for a lover
Theories of love
Behavioral Reinforcement Theories
Cognitive Theories
Physiological Arousal Theories
Behavioral Reinforcement Theories
Person reinforces positive feelings in ourselves
Positive/rewarding feelings
Cognitive Theories
Behavior > interpret it as love
o If we think someone likes us, we are more prone to find them attractive
Evolutionary Theories
3 basic instincts:
o Need for protection
o Parent protects child
o Sexual drive
Love > produce offspring
Heterosexual men want healthy women to carry offspring
Heterosexual women want men with resources to care for her and the offspring
Loss of Love
A time of mourning
Sadness, depression, anger
Vulnerable to enter another relationship
Vulnerable to lowered self-esteem, self-blame, distrust others
To decrease the pain: be good to yourself, find new activities, call family and friends
Love and Sex
Sexual intercourse can express affection, intimacy, and love
Before engaging in a sexual relationship, think about the following:
o Your values
o Honesty about yourself
o Honesty with your partner
Abusive and Violent Relationships
Types of Relationship Abuse
o Physical
o Verbal
o Emotional
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