COMM 101 Lecture Notes - Lecture 21: Equity Theory, Positive Form, Verbal Abuse
27 Apr 2018
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Significance of Relationship Maintenance
Maintaining the existence of the relationship
The goal of relationship maintenance is to keep the relationship in
existence, or to keep it from dying
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Maintaining a desired state in the relationship
The second goal, which focuses on maintaining the desired state of the
relationship
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Ex: Jim is attracted to his engaged coworker, Pam. Rather than risk losing
her friendship by revealing his true feelings, Jim communicates with Pam
in "safe" ways to ensure that the current state of their relationship is
maintained
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Maintaining a satisfactory state
A third goal focuses on attempts made by both partners to maintain a
level of relationship satisfaction that they find to be mutually agreeable
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Repairing a relationship
Individuals engage in relationship maintenance to make sure that
relationships run smoothly
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Why We Maintain Some Relationships and Not Others
Control mutuality is defined as the "extent to which couples agree on who has
the right to influence the other and establish relational goals"
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Equity theory is a relationship is considered equitable when the ratio of inputs
to outputs is equal for both individuals involved. If, for example, you contribute
more inputs compared to outputs you receive from your partner, you will feel
under benefited in the relationship
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How We Maintain Relationships: The Role of Communication
The skill similarity model portrays relationship maintenance as a process
requiring the involvement of both partners
Comforting skill
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Ego support
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Empathy
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Face-management skills
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Self-disclosure
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Relationship Maintenance Strategies
Prosocial behaviors include being polite and cooperative in the relationship,
while avoiding face-threatening communication
Positivity
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Openness
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Assurances
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Sharing tasks
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Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tension
Denial- Ignore the tension
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Disorientation- Ending the relationship
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Alternation- Bounce back and forth
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Segmentation- Segment the tension
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Balance- Create compromise
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Integration- Try to satisfy both tensions
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Recalibration- Reframing a tension
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Reaffirmation- Embrace the tension
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Handling Conflict
Validating couples- Talk about their disagreements openly and cooperatively. In
such couples, spouses communicate respect even when disagreeing
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Volatile couples- They talk about disagreements but in a competitive rather
than cooperative way. This can lead to intensive negative emotions, but can be
followed by intensive affection and "making up"
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Conflict-avoiding couples- Deal with their disagreements indirectly rather than
openly. They feel there is little to be gained by engaging in conflict directly,
believing that problems will resolve themselves. This tactic often leaves
problems and issues unresolved
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Hostile couples- Experience frequent and intense conflict. Which leads to
escalatory conflict spirals
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Verbal aggression involves assaulting or criticizing another person's sense of self
and typically involves attacks on one's character, competence, background, or
appearance
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***Creating a Positive Communication Climate
Communication climate- The emotional tone of a relationship
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Confirming messages- Behaviors that indicate how much we value another
person
Types of confirming messages:
Recognition- The basic is to recognize another person exists and is
worthy of attention
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Acknowledgement- A more positive form of confirmation is to
acknowledge another person's feelings
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Endorsements- The most positive form of confirmation, to signal
that you agree with what another person has said
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Disconfirming messages- Behaviors that imply a lack of regard for another
person
Types of disconfirming messages:
Impervious response- The most fundamental act of confirmation is
recognition, to not acknowledge another is to deem them
unimportant
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Verbal abuse- Is an overt form of disconfirming message involves
using words to hurt people
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Generalize complaining- Specific complaints when dealing with a
conflict can be helpful but generalized complaints undermine the
other person's value
Ex: Why can’t you be more like your brother or you never
think of anyone but yourself
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Irrelevant response- Replying to someone's message with a
completely unrelated statement
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Impersonal response- When you don’t show real empathy and
emotion with a cliché. Someone tells you they have been battling
depression and you say, "well, life's a struggle"
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Sustaining Relationships
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
11:34 AM
