Reinforcement theory: Byrne’s law
Our attraction to another person is proportionate to the number of
reinforcements that persons give us reinforcements plus punishments the person
Gottman’s 5:1 ratio
Aspects of wedded life often considered critical to long-term success (i.e.
how intensely people fight; whether they face conflict or avoid it; how well
they solve problems; how compatible they are socially, financially, even
sexually) are less important than people tend to think
“Fighting can be healthy”
The longer you are with someone there are less positive interactions (e.g.
walking at the park)
5 good things to 1 bad thing is okay Gottman’s 3 styles of relationships
1. Volatile: bitter fights, but intense make up, tend to be more romantic
compared to the other two
2. Validating: perfect marriage, sit and listen to each other, “I feel” and “I
avoid the issue