Psychology 2035A/B Lecture Notes - Lecture 9: Online Dating Service, Shyness, Shy People

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CHAPTER 9: Friendship & Love
Paradox of close relationships: Close relationships arouse intense feelings that are both
oPositive (passion, concern, caring) and
oNegative (rage, jealousy, despair)
Relationship Development
Initial Encounters
-Three factors underlie initial attraction between strangers:
-1. Proximity (spatial closeness) – we are more likely to become involved with people we
are geographically, or spatially, close to.
oFriendships and love interests influenced by seating charts, apartment
availability, etc.
-2. Familiarity – the mere exposure effect: positive feelings toward a person are increased
the more often we see them.
-3. Physical attractiveness
okey role in face-to-face romantic relationships as well as friendships.
oCross-cultural research: it is not the most important factor, for both males and
females.
Kindness and intelligence were ranked higher for both genders.
-Matching Hypothesis: People of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate
toward each other.
What Makes Someone Attractive
-Facial features
oFor women: “baby-faced” features, (large eyes, small nose), combined with
“mature” features (prominent cheekbones)
oFor men: a strong jaw and broad forehead
-Physique
oFor women: average weight, an “hourglass” figure, and medium-sized breasts
oFor men: broad shoulders and a slim waist
-Expressive traits (large smile, high set eyebrows) are seen as attractive because they
suggest friendliness
-Attractiveness and resource exchange
oan evolution-based theory proposing that “in heterosexual dating, males ‘trade’
occupational status for physical attractiveness in females."
oDavid Buss (1988) believes mating patterns depend on what each sex has to
invest in terms of survival.
For men, reproductive opportunities are the most important, so they show more interest in sexual
activity and physical attractiveness.
Parental investment theory states women choose mates that will supply resources needed to
support offspring for many years.
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Parental investment theory suggests that basic differences between males and females in parental
investment have great adaptive significance and lead to gender differences in mating propensities
and preferences
What Men and Women Want:
-both men & women:
oMutual attraction, dependability, emotional stability
-men
oPhysical attractiveness; health are rated important
-women
oEarning potential, status, ambitiousness are rated important
Getting Acquainted
-Two factors affect viability of relationships:
oReciprocal liking – “refers to liking those who show that they like you”
oSimilarity – we are drawn to those with similar qualities
This is true in friendships and romantic relationships, regardless of
sexual orientation.
Similar attitudes play a key role
Established Relationships
-Maintenance of ongoing relationships
oRelationship maintenance – involves “the actions and activities used to sustain
the desired quality of a relationship”
-The process of minding relationships is an active process that involves
oUsing good listening skills
oKnowing your partner’s opinions
oMaking positive attributions about your partner’s behavior
-
-Interdependence Theory
oInterpersonal relationships are governed by perceptions of the rewards and costs
exchanged in interactions.
oComparison Level (CL): A standard of what constitutes an acceptable balance
of rewards and costs.
oComparison Level for Alternatives (CL-alt): One’s estimation of the available
outcomes from alternative relationships.
oPeople gauge their satisfaction with relationships by comparing their relationship
to their expectations.
oCL: For example, Joe might expect high levels of personal sharing and outdoor
activities in his rel’ps, and if this isn’t met, he will be unsatisfied. This can be
influenced by previous relationships, TV, etc.
oit could be that you find a specific other partner, that the ‘market’ looks good, or
that you could get your needs met by family and friends independent of your
partner.
oSo, if people feel that they are getting a lot out of their relationship with
relatively few costs, they will probably stay in the relationship.
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