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PSYC 221
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Chapter 10 Stresses and Strains 10/30/2013 I. rceived Relational Value Relational value= the degree to which others consider their relationship with us as valuable, important or close We encounter degrees of rejection/acceptance on 10 point scale Maximal inclusion-ppl seek our company, go out of way to interact with us Active inclusion-others welcome us, do not seek us out Passive inclusion- others allow us to be included Ambivalence-ppl do not care whether we’re included or not Passive exclusion-ppl ignore us but do not avoid us Active exclusion-pplavoid us, tolerate presence when necessary Maximal exclusion-others banish us, send us away, abandon us Sometimes excluded b/c others think you’re better than them but rejection still hurts Exclusion hurts most when we want acceptance than when we don’t care We feel hurt when perceived relational value for others lower than we want II. Hurt Feelings Relates to hwo others evaluate us: maximal exclusion not much worse than ambivalence Our momentary judgments of self worth bottom out when ppl reject us to any extent(evaluations range from 4 down to 1) Self esteem boosted when others like us more and more b/c positive regard ensured Mild rejection feels same as extreme but decreases in acceptance received from others has greater impact when occurring b/t ambivalence and active inclusion(no longer liked) Especially awful to have relational devaluation=apparent decreases in others regard for us Experience pain, anger, sadness, hurt Pain reliever acetaminophen reduces pain of social rejection and headache Attachment styles affect how hurt we feel: high anxiety of abandonment equals more hurt responses to perceived relationship value Those high in avoidance=less pain when others don’t want to be close III. Ostracism Means people are given the cold shoulder and ignored Partners only knows they are being rejected so they are hurt, angry, frustrated and do not consider partner’s withdrawal as beneficial so they feel damaged Threatens need to belong, damages self worth, reduces perceived control Rejection leads to lethargic state of mind, time slows, warm food tastes better Instances of ostracism/romantic rejection precede most awful cases of students taking guns to school Ostracism hurts coming from anyone(computer game study), and in groups we despise Those with high self esteem more likely to end relationship after being ostracized, people with low self esteem hang around but are spiteful IV. Jealousy Defined by three feelings: hurt, anger, fear Hurt comes from perception that partner doesn’t value us to honor commitments, results in fear and anxiety from fear of abandonment and loss People get angry when casted aside, can turn violent V. Types of Jealousy Reactive jealousy=aware of threat to valued relationship Response to realistic danger(fantasizing, flirting) Suspicious jealousy=partner hasn’t misbehaved, suspicions do not fit facts Snooping occurs, can be mildly overactive imagination or paranoia Distinction b/t two types isn’t sharp b/c jealous reaction to partners affair can linger to suspicious jealousy years later b/c trust is lost VI. Who’s Prone to Jealousy? Those who are dependent, feel they need to have partner b/c poor alternatives Increase in jealousy with feelings of inadequacy High self esteem means less jealous but only in regards to adequacy at satisfying partner Discrepancies in mate value: most of us want most desirable partner we can get but its threatening to realize partners could better if they wanted to Attachment styles influence jealousy Preoccupied ppl seek closeness but always worried partners don’t love them enough In return… most jealous!! Dismissing ppl least affected by jealousy b/c self-sufficient, no dependence Personality traits affect jealousy High neurotic worry too much, always jealous but agreeable people are trusting Traditional gender roles make jealous more likely-greater dismay if partner breaks a rule VII. Who Gets Us Jealous? Romantic rivals who have high mate value & make us look bad in comparison are worrisome threats, arouse most jealousy Attractive rivals spark most jealousy with both men and women VIII. What Gets us Jealous? Natural selection favored men who were too suspicious of women b/c of paternity uncertainty- want to keep genes going but are not as sure as women Men more accurate at detecting sexual infidelity, even though they cheat more Natural selection favored women skeptical of mens declarations of love b/c want to reproduce with man who will provide for them, not leave Men more jealous of sexual infidelity, women more skeptical of emotional infidelity Women may think sexual infidelity by man is just casual sex but emotional infidelity means they are in love with someone else Men think women love those they sleep with so sexual infidelity judged harsher Both mothers and fathers think sexual infidelity more worrisome when committed by daughter in low and emotional infidelity more distressing when committed by son in law Sex difference does disappear and men dread sex infedility only as much as women when cheating has
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