COMM 4243 Lecture Notes - Lecture 3: Role Model
12 Sep 2016
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Gottman"s 4 horsemen of the apocalypse and what to do about them. Criticism: attacks the character of the recipient: talk about your feelings using i statements. Contempt: superiority out of hostility: treat each other with respect. Defensiveness: self protection through playing the victim: accept responsibility. Stonewalling: withdrawing from the conversation without completion: break for 20 minutes then return to the conversation. Harsh setup: when you start a conflict with attacks or contempt, partner is likely to become defensive. Four horsemen of the apocalypse: complaining//criticizing. Attacks on the character of your partner. You need to be quite in the morning so i can sleep! . Base complaint on behavior, not on them as a person: contempt/disgust. I was hardly making any noise, i have a right to listen to music in my own house! . Treat each other with respect: defensiveness. You don"t care about my health at all. You would rather listen to music than spend time with me! .
